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Blended Families
SM Carrying Health Insurance for SSs?
Trying to get some basic information/thoughts in case a potential situation comes to fruition.
BM lost her job a month ago. She carried SSs on her health insurance and DH's CS is higher than the norm in our state to compensate for this (extra-curriculars are included in his higher CS as well). She wanted it that way originally with the insurance because she wants to be in control. I know through a friend that BM has 2 months of Cobra through her severence package with her company. I'm anticipating that BM may be asking DH to carry health insurance on SSs at some point soon if she doesn't find a job.
Here's the thing: I carry the insurance for DH and myself because my company has the much better benefits/coverage. DH's company health insurance is terrible and expensive (his company is very small). BM is NOT going to like the answer that I'm the one carrying insurance & DH's plan is not a great option. Furthermore, I would/will not be thrilled with having BM have access to my health insurance plan, even if it is for SSs. I know that sounds terrible, but it gives her more access to our lives than I prefer, especially with my pregnancy which is still under wraps and will not be disclosed to SSs for another month.
So a couple of questions for any of you that have experience in this as, again, I'm just trying to get armed with some information at this point:
Can I (as the SM) even carry health insurance for SSs? I know when I added DH last year not at open enrollment (which is in July for us), I was only able to do it because of a qualifying event. He'd lost his job & we got married within the same month (great timing, right?!), but 2 qualifying events. I know having a baby is also a qualifying event, but that's all I've ever heard considered "qualifiying". I don't think SSs BM losing her job/their health insurance is qualifying event, am I wrong there?
Are we going to be obligated to do this if health insurance is covered as part of the CS already anyway? If we put them on my insurance, we are essentially paying for double insurance on them (I'm would be paying for them & DH is paying through CS every month). If we end up putting SSs on my insurance due to this circumstance, I think she needs to be paying their portion back to us, otherwise she is essentially off scot-free with extra money every month - not okay in my book, especially since we are preparing for a new baby.
I'm thinking an alternative to her asking us to put SSs on our insurance is BM asking DH to pay more to her in CS so she can continue on Cobra potentially. But she can't MAKE us pay her more without a CO, and again, insurance for SSs is already figured into CS already, correct?.
I'm not tryng to sound petty here (and I get that I potentially might sound it though), but I need some thoughts/info/advice - this is uncharted territory for us.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SM Carrying Health Insurance for SSs?
That is all very touchy information and if i were you, check with the insurance themselves about stepchildren FIRST before you talk to BM so you are prepared for when she comes to you. If they do not allow it at all then theres your answer plain and simple.
If they DO allow it, find out when you can add (i personally wouldn't think you could until open enrollment...) and i'd suggest your DH speaking to his attorney about it also so things are done correctly. Yes it can be costly but in the long run its worth it. may only end up paying for 1-2 hours of the attorneys time to get some facts straightened out just to cover your own butt.
I carry my SKs. It is in DHs c/o that he will provide insurance (BM quit her job when she left him) so the c/o was all I needed. I can tell you for a fact BM doesn't have access to any information regarding DH or I. She has an insurance card only. When biling/insurance issues come up I call. They won't talk to her anyway.
Call you insurance provider or HR to see what is really possible. BM may have a job/insurance by that time. Blended families are hard enough. Don't spend too much time worrying about things that may happen. If your H is going to investigate further he should probably have a conversation with BM first to see if she will share her plans.
She doesn't share plans, she only "tells" when she wants us to know something. There is no asking in her world, only telling. We do not have a good relationship with her at all.
In my situation health insurance is factored into BM's CS. She carries it and my DH pays a little extra in CS because of that. I have noticed where I am insurance companies are getting tighter in regards to who they will cover. Oldest SS is not BM's dependent, so she couldn't cover him anymore. So since he is our dependent, we had to cover him. My DH works for a small business so my insurance was better. I had to prove that he was our dependent by sending in our tax return to the insurance company. Then they added him. They also added him in the middle of the year because SS losing his previous insurance is considered a life event.
We did not go back and rework the CS. When we looked at the cost to bring our lawyer to court and adjust it, it was not worth it. The support would not have gone down enough to justify paying our attorney. So we didn't do it.
As far as her getting your info, it won't happen. She can only call and get info on her kids. no one else on the policy. You can call your insurance company and have them make note that you authorize her to have info only for your SKs. Which is the right thing to do in my opinion.
On a side note: I don't understand where you are coming from when you say that you want your CS to be lowered if you have to cover your SKs, but you don't want to pay BM the extra premium if she goes with COBRA. It is the same thing and if you want less CS if you cover the kids, then she has just as much right to expect that your DH will pay the extra COBRA coverage. Now, I do think you should go back to court if you are going to change the amount. I don't agree with just verbal agreements. I think it should all be in writing and filed with the court.
DH pays for their health insurance as part of CS already. It's figured into his payment. If we pay for their insurance out of pocket (my paycheck) and still pay the full CS amount, we are essentially paying double insurance coverage for them, but BM just gets to take her extra CS money that's allotted to SSs insurance to the bank and pocket it - she wouldn't be paying for any insurance at that point. I think she should have to pay for their portion of the insurance on my plan. Same goes for the reverse if BM went with continued COBRA - I don't think we should pay more for it because we are already paying for insurance as part of CS.
I agree that any changes should be made in writing and filed with the court, not just a verbal agreement.
You are paying CS based on what her old insurance premium was. If she were to go with COBRA that premium would go up. Therefore if they reevaluated CS based on increased premium your DH would have to pay more CS.
It is hypocritical of you to expect BM to pay you money for the insurance premium if you cover the SKs, but not think that your DH should pay more if she keeps COBRA and her insurance premium goes up. That is not fair. It goes both ways.
I'm assuming your biological children will also be on your health insurance plan. It's likely, as it is for most policies, that the of children does not affect the premium. I personally, don't think it's worth the hassle, or okay, especially if you will be paying the same premium to cover your biological children to ask BM to 'reimburse' you.
I understand insurance is factored in to your dh's cs payments what BM is currently paying for insurance. If she has to pay more is willing to, I think your DH should help her out with the difference.
Yes, my bio-kids will be on our plan, but I won't have any bio-kids to put on my plan until April. That's potentially 6 extra months of a higher premium. I just think it should be equitable if we have to go down this road. It's possible that I'll be paying more to have them on my insurance than BM did to insure SSs on her old plan, right? Shouldn't CS go down in that case? Again, she's not paying to insure them with the CS money if we are paying to insure them.
DH carries insurance for both DS (his stepson) and DD (his daughter). I'm not sure whether BM losing her job is a qualifying event, but your HR person could certainly answer that for you.
Our CO is set up so that I'm responsible for DS's health insurance. If XH carries DS, he gets a credit for that amount against the CS he pays.
If you intend to cover your SSs, I think it would be appropriate to reduce that portion of the CS she receives. But assuming BM didn't voluntarily leave her job, I also think it's appropriate for her to ask for help covering the kids w/ COBRA if you all end up going that route.
I carry SD's on my insurance. I added them when we got married as part of the qualifying event.
To your question about if you can add them: This may be policy dependent. There is a difference between being a dependent for taxes and being a dependent for insurance. Its very easy to get them on your insurance if they are also your tax-dependent, it gets trickier if you can't claim them. Check with your policy because you may still be able to insure them, SK's might just be added on an after-tax basis. Your HR should be able to help you out. It took us a few tries to get the paperwork correct.
About BM having access: This is a non-issue. Give her a card and leave it at that. Insurance companies won't (and can't) talk to her. BM fills out the paperwork with my name and insurance info, and the billing department calls me to get the rest of my info.
CS adjustments: Definitely go after that, its a huge dollar amount when you start to add it up. Make sure to adjust your CO to reflect the new changes to things like co-pays, deductibles, etc.
CS in our state is not dependent on the CP's (her) income at all. It is only based on the NCP's (my DH) income. CS is calculated as a flat percentage based on the number of children. He has insurance and extra-curriculars added on to his amount from the CO as well, so he is paying above-guideline support already. BM having no income would not be a basis for CS change here.
Carrying your SS all depends on how good your insurance is. We use my DH insurance because he doesn't have to pay into monthly, just all our deductable..... where if we went with mine we would have to pay into monthly and then all the OOPC. I have checked in my insurance and I couldn't carry SS because he doesn't live with us. So you really need to check, some insurances will take your SS but others wont if he doesn't live with you at least 50/50.
As for her getting your info, not going to happen. There are SOOO many hippa laws that she wouldn't even be able to speak to the insurance company about your SS. The insurance companies and hospitals would rather piss her off than you coming after them with a lawsuit for giving her any info.
If you do end up having to to put SS on your insurance then I would go back to court and have them re-look at your CS. I would think that you would be able to get a different amount, so BM might not pay you money but you at least wouldn't be paying her 'double'.
I carry my SS insurance and have to pay an extra 100 a month to do so ouch. BM cannot access any of my information beyond knowing where I work. BM despises me and it hasn't been an issue. If doctors offices have needed any of my info, they call me. I haven't any problems with it at all. And trust me when I say this, BM has never liked me, nor has she ever been pleasant to deal with on any level. We don't speak at all it has been so bad.
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We switched to dh m covering him for that reason. We did not change cs.
I carry the insurance for my SD. BM doesn't have an issue with it. She does not have access to any of my health information at all. She can request information regarding her daughter, but is not given an information regarding myself, my husband, or LO. When I filled out the insurance forms to register my SD, it is indicated that she is a SD. The insurance company will not disclose any of your information to her.
I am not any help regarding a modification because of the change. DH's support order is a % of his income + insurance costs. It is the original order from 14 years ago!
HTH!
In my situation, BD had higher CS because I carried health insurance. Then, DH and I got married, and he added me and DS to his plan. Then, BD's CS got lowered because I wasn't carrying the insurance, DH was. BS IMO, but nothing I can do about it.
I don't think it should be an issue for you to carry your SS on insurance, but check with the provider. Also, BM would not have access to information, all she would have is the insurance card if you gave it to her.And, I would think you would have to wait until open enrollment to add SS, but, again, check with your provider. Finally, I would guess that your DH's CS would be lowered if BM is not longer holding the insurance, but I would think it would be lowered even more if DH was carrying the insurance instead of you (obviously not worth it if DH has crappier insurance than you though.)
Why are you angry?
She lost her job. Even if she was fired for cause, I doubt she did it just to be horrible.
If it's such a imposition, just let her take out COBRA or a private plan. It would probably be easier for her that way, especially if it's going to cause this much drama.
While health insurance may not be a need, it's definitely something that should be provided for children when possible. I don't see this as a "favor" type scenario. Even if she's as horrible as you make her out to be, this is something for the kids. It's not like you're paying to cover her.
There are a lot of posts on this board where I feel like "what's best for the kids" is not even a consideration. This is one of them.
This makes me very sad for you and your SKs. I understand that your BM may be horrible to you, I understand that this blended thing is tough sometimes. I have been through the muck myself. But those kids need health insurance. Your DH has an obligation to provide it if BM can not. She lost her job, which in this economy is a tough thing. It is not the kids' fault. And BM does not owe you or your DH a "thank you" for picking up the slack with the kids. That is your job as parents. If you didn't want to deal with BM you should have said "No" when he slipped that ring on your finger.
It is in the kids' and your best interest to have health insurance. Imagine if they didn't and something happens.... then you would really be screwed if you had a $100,000 hospital bill to pay.
DH has an obligation to provide CS in the amount of almost $2000 a month for SSs (and insurance is factored into that cost). BM has an obligation to provide insurance with that money per the CO. I have no legal obligation to these children, and so I absolutely do deserve a thank you from the woman who cant meet her obligation to her own children.
She lost her job on her own accord, and we are expected to pick up her slack and inability to provide?! When my DH has been unemployed and underemployed at times over the last two years, he was not given any slack by this woman at all with the CS payment. And guess who helped make the CS bill every month during that time - ME! (Yes, I am stupid for doing so) Yet when she falls on difficult times we are the ones who have to pony up more?! She is a hypocritical, horrible woman.
I may feel differently if DH's opinion was at least taken into account with regard to the raising of SSS, but BM does not allow it, even when he tries to fight. Instead he (and subsequently myself) are viewed only as the bank to her.
I certainly do regret my decision to marry DH very much every day of my life. I am counting down the next 10 years of dealing with her and her double standards.
Before we jump ALL over the OP for perfectly valid reasons. We seem to forget that these kids are more than likely NOT SOL on the health care front.
Hello people, is this very situation (single mother who looses her job) the POINT of our social welfare programs? If BM is not willing to lower the CS costs when it is HER responsibility to provide said program, then let her figure out how to manuver the system that was put in place.
Does that make the OPs DH sound like a deadbeat dad, sure. But the bigger question is, why doesnt it make the MOM sound like a deadbeat mom? The double standard here - had DAD been the one carrying the isurance and had lost it HE would be raked across the coals and told to figure it out...so let the mom do it.
Well, really what I would do is:
Seriously, you have the abilty to force some changes here.
Just FYI, with my employer the chance from "employee +1" to "family plan" is SUPER-expensive (around $600 more per month!). I would definately seek to change support if that is the case with you! However, once you are on a "family plan" (at least with my employer), it didn't matter if you had one child or 10 - - the cost was the same, so if you are expecting in 6 months, the cost would go up anyway.
COBRA was available for 18 months when DH was laid off, so it is available to BM after two months, it is just not "free" (maybe her two months are paid for by the company, but after that it is more expensive?).