Stay at home moms. Do you wonder if you've made the right choice?

noahchristopher · October 2012

My son is now 13 mos old. I never thought I would be a stay at home mom, but I am. For the most part. During his first few months I worked three shifts a week and we used a nanny for 10hrs a week. Now, I have a small business, but I'm only away a few hrs a week and my husband is watching him at that time.

I read about working moms with their kids in daycare and I see some of the benefits. Socializing, learing new things all day long, getting used to being around other people, etc. I sometimes doubt myself. I like to work. I always have. But once I had him I became the woman (mom) I said I'd never be, a stay at home mom. I love that I am able to have a great routine with him, and that I'm the one teaching him right now. We have an amazing bond, which I love. He's doing great, and I'm out with him quite a bit. We see his cousins, my friends' kids, and I just joined a mom's group.

I just wonder what the difference is in the long run. Is there really a difference? My step mom told me the other day that she regrets now that she was not a stay at home mom during my step brother's first few years. She was a physician, and worked a lot! She sees me now with my son and she says it makes her sad that she missed out on so much.

I do get worn out sometimes and would like to work. But I feel a stronger pull to stay home with him at least for a year or two more before I go back to work. My husband works full time, so I've had to really pull it together, and get out and about with him, or I'd loose my mind staying home all day long.

Anyone have insights into this? Have you gone through it, either way? What are your perspectives?

jasieandry · October 2012

My mom stayed at home with my sister and I. As a result she never finished college. Sometimes she tells me she regrets not taking the time to finish the handful of classes she needed to get her degree but she also says that she has never regretted staying home with us. As a child I remember liking the fact that my mom was home for us after school and I was and still am very close to my sister partly because we spent so much time together at home. My family is still very close and I think that was partly because my mom invested so much time into just raising us and teaching us love and respect and responsibility.

Myself, I always wanted to be a stay at home mom and was absolutely ecstatic that I could be. It has been a lot more challenging than I expected but still I love every bit of it and I'm so grateful to be with my little girl every day and not miss a moment of her growing up. Just remember that infancy and toddlerhood will fly by and then you can re-evaluate and see whats best for you and your family. I plan to get my Masters degree at some point down the line but right now I'm just enjoying the time I have with my baby girl because she won't be a baby for long.

mben1119 · October 2012

I think it really depends on the woman, her personal career goals, and their family dynamic. I work full time, and while I say I would love to stay home with my son, I don't know that I could. I like my job, we need the income, and for me personally, not being with him all day makes our time together more special. This is a very personal decision, and whatever you and your family choose will be right for you.

Kb103109 · October 2012

I am a SAHM and I second guess myself at least once a week. My twins are 10 months old and I love being home with them, but sometimes the stress really gets to me and I wish I was working. My mom stayed at home with all three of us and I still remember some of those times. She was always there for us when we would come home from school and when we were not in school we were always doing something. I have a lot of great memories with my mom and I am looking forward to being able to form those same memories with my girls. My opinion is that being a SAHM is very challenging, but there are so many benefits for you and your lo. I hope this helps you.

kerischrader · October 2012

I don't second guess, I know that it the right choice for our family and for me. That being said I have my days when DS is teething, fussy as hell, my house isn't clean, and I don't get a shower until DH gets home (like yesterday).... my thoughts turn to "It's days like this I wish I was at the office" BUT I know that DS won't get the kind of care and comfort that I want for him on those days. So it is worth it even though we have rough days. There are also many activities and things to do to socialize with LO!

brewcitybride · October 2012

I think everyone can think one way one day, and another way another day. You have to be confident in your choices and make the best of every day, whether you are working or staying home. I stayed home with my first child for 12 months, and it was great, but I need to work, for financial reasons, as well as I LIKE working. My children are healthy and happy and I make every minute with them count like no other. We also can afford to do fun things, to sock away for college, to go on vacations, to go out to eat. I also get lots of vacation, so I do feel like I have "enough" time with them, in the long run. I try to focus on quality over quantity. Also, once kids are full time in school, it's hard to get back into the workforce if you've been out, career-wise. To me, I would not be happy in an hourly job, and greatly value my career.

On the other hand, my mom stayed home with us, and I know she enjoyed it. I also know that she did not get out much, did not have many friends, and always felt kind of isolated. She went back to work when we were in our teens, and I know she really enjoyed making money, but it was just a JOB, not a career.

Hazell121 · October 2012

I like this post. It helps me realize that life isn't always greener on the other side! I currently work full time and my DD is 5.5 months and goes to an at home daycare and I hate it. At least once a week I have a meltdown to my husband that I am missing out on so much of her life. I breaks my heart that I only get to see her for maybe 2 hours each day before she goes to bed. On one hand, I like work. I get to get out of the house, talk to adults feel like I have a purpose in life. On the other hand I hate it. I keep thinking that in 20 years when I look back am I going to wish I had worked - NO, I'm going to wish I had stayed home and enjoyed all of those little moments with her. They're only little for so long and you have to enjoy it.

gymkatinka · October 2012

I came to this country with one suitcase and lots of dreams...I worked my butt off and got a career, a life, a husband and finally a baby.While I was pregnant, I imaged myself working part time, designing at home while the baby naps, etc. basically keep working.

Then I had her and I felt, that I could not leave her, ever (I'm sure, that's a normal feeling) and go back to working.Soon after, she was diagnosed with acid reflux, so there was no way in hell I let anyone else take care of her, and I had no time to work at home,so I quit my job.I love being with her and not miss out on anything.But as PP said, there are days, when I wish I was sitting in an office and be part of the action.Some days I feel like I'm going crazy.Then the next day, we go to Central Park in the middle of the day and I feel very lucky to be able to do that...

laurakaz13 · October 2012

I love, love, love being home with my child. But I could never do it on a full-time basis. I work full-time and have a career I love. I am a happier mom, b/c I feel fulfilled, healthy, challenged, etc. with my job on a daily basis. I also feel that the time I spend with DD is quality time and I cherish it. Plus, she is thriving at daycare. Super happy, social, and learning so much.

As you see from all these responses, it's a very personal decision. If you like staying home, keep doing it. If you don't, try to go back into the work force. What is right for one family, isn't right for others.

SuzJune04 · October 2012

I used to wonder this all the time but I feel lucky to have the choice to stay at home with my kids. I know a lot of my mom friends don't get to choose.. I've been home since my 5 yr old was born with the exceptions of a few pt side projects. I'm an architect and am still paying off my student loans from my masters degree. Being a SAHM has given me the chance to cook healthier for my family, volunteer, and see extended family a lot more. I'm confident that I can go back to the work force once my kids are older, even if not in the same position. I definitely need to do things like take a 2hr a week painting class and go to moms groups to stay sane. I miss being around other adults sometimes during the day but its a small price to pay IMO.

mom2bemk · October 2012

After seeing all these posts I now feel more blessed that I have "the best of both worlds." I was able to keep my job and go back to work part time when DD was 9 weeks old. She is in daycare 3 days per week and I am home with her the other 2 (of the workweek). If I work a weekend day then DH is home and gets his time with her. Daycare is very expensive so I can't imagine paying even more than I do now, but I really love it and think there are many benefits for her (i.e. socializing, learning new skills, trust). I also love being home with her those 2 days of the week, it gives me enough time to get housework done, enjoy time with DD, and run some errands. It makes the weekends less hectic. Then by the time wednesday rolls around....I'm ready to spend time with adults! I'm very grateful that things worked out the way they have.

PrimRoseMama · October 2012

I never wonder, TBH. I love my job and wouldn't have it any other way. There are tough days, but that is true of any line of work.

Kevinandlaura · October 2012

I don't really have any insight for you, but I would do absolutely anything to stay at home with my daughter. My husband and I are pretty fresh out of college and can't find jobs in our fields yet so we aren't making much money, and with the student loans in repayment, there's no way we could ever afford for me to stay home. It absolutely breaks my heart. Feel blessed that you are able to have this opportunity.

TwiMom · October 2012

It's funny because I always wanted to be a SAHM since my mom was home with my sister and I and my DH's mom was home with him and his siblings too. I loved having my mom at home and she was always a "room mom" when I was in school and helped with all the parties and field trips. But now that I actually stay home (which don't get my wrong, I chose to do it and I don't regret it) I do actually miss work. I was at the same elementary school for 6 years and I miss the kids! Luckily for me I'm able to sub still and work part time 2 nights a week when my DH gets home from work. I try not to take for granted the time I get to spend with her and it is harder than I thought it would be! Most of my friends are working moms and although they say they'd love to stay home they also like getting out of the house and being with other adults too. It's a personal choice and sometimes the financial aspect makes the choice for you. We just happened to have everything fall into place that allowed me to stay home and I love it...most days!

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