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May 2013 Moms
mdcs09
member
My husband is a dead man.
mdcs09
member
This morning we were discussing how his mom is making fun of me for calling the baby's room a nursery. She claims by the time the baby sleeps in there it will be a bedroom because baby is so old. Well I don't plan on my child sleeping in my bedroom for more than the first two months or so. My husband thinks his moms way is right. All seven of her kids slept in a crib in her room until a year or two. I told him that can cause seperation issues. He said he will back his mom before agreeing with anyone else. He will always take her side even against me.
I'm going to kill him when I see him.
Sorry its long just had to complain.
I'm going to kill him when I see him.
Sorry its long just had to complain.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My husband is a dead man.
Everyone has their own parenting style and it is something you and your husband have to discuss together and I agree not with your MIL. But you don't know what's going to work best for you and your family.
Luckily you have a while to figure it out! And cosleeping doesn't cause separation issues. We bed shared with my son until he was 14 months old and he is now a very independent toddler. It's what we all needed to sleep because he would wake up literally every hour to nurse at some points.
My plan with DD was for her to be in my room (but not my bed) for about a month. She was in there for about three months and most of that was in my bed - DH was in the spare room the whole time. I wouldn't worry too much about it since it often does not go as planned anyways.
With respect to the always taking his mom's side over you comment - kill him!
EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves
As far as your MIL...I can't stand it when people pull out the high and mighty "it was good enough for my kids, so it oughtta be good enough for you" argument. If your kid ends up staying in your bedroom until it's in kindergarten, it needs to be because it works best for YOU and your husband. Not because MIL is the allknowing goddess of child rearing.
Although I think your husband needs to back you up I disagree about causing separation issues. I will certainly have my baby in my room until a year at least. I did with my first two as well. To each their own.
Does your husband actually agree with his mother or is he just taking her side. If he actually has an opinion I think you should compromise. If he's just taking her side but doesn't care either way I think he needs to back off and side with you.
I think mother's know better than grandmothers for their own children but the father's opinion should matter too.
He is just taking her side because she is his mom. Not because he really cares he works out of town and is only home a week out a month so it didn't really affect him.
I know some people have no problem when they try and move kids to there own room but I would rather not risk it my family had a lot of problems of the kids not wanting to ever leave. I know once baby is here I might change my mind and if he really didn't want baby in another room I would try and compromise.
I personally will probably have my baby sleep in the room with us until he or she is a little bit older. My mother had both me and my sister sleep in a crib in her room but that could have been mostly due to space and lack of available bedrooms as she was still living with her parents and brother with me and my sister is the youngest of 5 kids.
As to your husband taking his mother's side over yours, I would be upset too. I've already got kind of an idea in my head of the sort of parent that I will be and I don't always agree with her choices. I think you should stand firm on your opinion because you are the parent here, not her. She should understand that what works for some may not work for others.
That would be a HUGE problem for me. I think you should have a nice long talk with him about his mother and get him to undertand that this is your baby (yours and his) not hers and the decisions that will be made will be between the 2 of you.
And if she said that in front of you, I would speak up next time to her and let her know that you appreciate her advice, but you and your husband are perfectly capable of figuring out what is best for your child.
Nip it in the bud now before it gets ridiculous with her and her input.
DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
This would frustrate me to no end! This would be a huge deal to me. This needs to be put to a stop now! The decisions about anything dealing with your baby, child, teenager ect. need to be handled between you and your husband. I don't have a crystal ball, but I think that it will only get worse once the baby comes if expectations and boundaries are not set now. Just my opinion. I would have a long conversation with your husband about who gets to have a say in what you do and don't do with your child.
By the way I intended to have my son sleep in our room for the first few months and I made it about a week. He was such a loud sleeper I couldn't get a second of sleep before he woke up every hour 1/2. I also planned on breastfeeding and my son just wouldn't have it. Things change and some things don't work out. As pps have said. You do what works for you.
My thoughts exactly! The baby's sleeping location is just the beginning of many parenting decisions that you and your husband will be making. I would try talking to your husband about this now and nip it in the bud, you are his wife and these are decisions that the two of you should be making together (without outside interference). Good Luck, I know it might not be that easy
The irony...sounds like he still has separation issues ; )
I kept DS for a few months in our room. To each his or her own. But seriously, it is not your mother in law's choice. That is annoying. I am worried for what is to come, and at some point, you are going to have to put your foot down.
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I completely agree with Blueyed228. I definitely suggest sitting down with DH and (calmly) explaining how it felt when he said that and that you want to make decisions regarding your children between the 2 of you, not you, DH, and MIL.
If you want to call it a nursery, call it a nursery. DS slept in his room from day 1, so it was definitely a "nursery" first, and is now his "big boy" room.
Whoa buddy. This is about so much more than what to call the baby's room or how long to keep a crib/bassinet/whatever in your bedroom.
He needs to get the message real quick that YOU and HE will decide how to raise your baby. I understand that we all draw on our own experiences (i.e, how you were raised) when making parenting decisions, but his mom's way or the highway would not fly with me. I totally 100% agree with PP that this needs to get talked about now because you will make millions of decisions about how to raise your child from infancy through adulthood and I doubt you are planning to defaulting to his mom for every choice. I would calmly tell him that while his mom did a fine job of raising him (you married him after all, she must have done SOMETHING right), you may not always agree with her and you want to parent the child you both created with HIM- not her - and you would appreciate it if he would respect and be open to your opinion more.
That would frustrate me! I understand it is his mom and of course he loves her and respects her, but things change when you get married. He has a new family and has the responsibility of taking care of you and the children you two have. You and your children should come first now. The whole point of a marriage is that you love and respect one another. Take care of one another and have each others backs. He should be on your side no matter what and he should be protecting you. I'm sorry that just makes me angry for you that he said that. I don't know what I'd do if my husband said that. It wouldn't be pretty that's for sure. lol
As for advice on that...I'm at a loss. I know I probably wouldn't handle it very eloquently =P But I do think you need to have a long conversation with him on how that made you feel.