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May 2013 Moms
Job Confusion..Help!
So..I have been working for 4 months at my job (I'm a therapist for adolescents with behavioral issues)... I loved my job at first, but over the past month there have been a bunch of changes that have taken place (new supervisor, new set schedule, increase in hours I need to work...and I'm salary!, etc.) I'm trying to just roll with the punches and accept the fact that every job is going to have it's pros and cons. However, the culture of this place is really taking a toll on me. It's so negative and you can't trust anyone. Everyone talks about everyone and there is tons of drama..I feel like I'm way too old for this. I'm trying to just stay focused on my own work, as my benefits have finally kicked in and I know that in 6 months I'm outta here (with a few weeks of paid maternity leave).
The rational part of me is saying, STICK IT OUT (no pun intended) and deal with it. It's only 6 months...what are you going to do, go get a new job pregnant? Wait for benefits? It's crazy. If things mellow out I know I can make it work for just 6 more months...but at the rate things are going, I'm crying at my desk, waking up with anxiety in the middle of the night and having to have meetings with higher-ups on a regular basis to deal with all of these issues. I also don't feel like that high-stress, emotional anxiety is good either.
So..basically I'm decided that I'm not going to look for another career job right now, it probably wouldn't be the most ethical to start with new clients and take a big position knowing I'm leaving shortly after. But I guess I'm struggling because I have this idea that keeps on popping into my head of getting a full-time job (with benefits) someplace a little easier for me...stress-free.. like Starbucks, or babies r us...where I can work my hours and get my paycheck without the drama. Then I won't feel bad leaving when I deliver..and I'll start up the next phase of my career when I'm ready to go back. I'd love to be an admin somewhere...but I doubt places want a temp.
I realize it will be a little less money...and it makes me crazy to think about how much damn money I am paying each month for my student loans. To not be using my degree sucks. BUT it's temporary...I'm just trying to think of a creative position where the hourly rate isn't so bad, and I might just enjoy the carefree environment or the discount (like at a baby store or something!)
I am back and forth like...every 30 minutes..the stress and not knowing what I'm going to do are making me crazy.
Thoughts?
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Re: Job Confusion..Help!
How much does your family rely on your income? Do you plan on going back to work after LO?
It can be challenging to explain holes in your resume to future employers.
It is hard to go through the motion of something that you aren't fully committed to doing.
If you got another job, being on your feet toward the end of pregnancy would be really challenging.
Totally just typing as I think, sorry for ramble. Good luck.
You are not alone. I actually quit my job because it was so stressful I couldnt get pregnant. Then, once I made up my mind to quit I seriously got my BFP the day after my last day of work there. It was incredible. But now, I have no job and I have a baby coming. It has made dealing with the constant morning sickness a lot easier but sometimes I am scared about money and how I will ever get back into my profession.
I think it is honestly better this way though, I never would have got pregnant if I wouldnt have put in my 2 weeks. And now, I can be pregnant and not be stressed out. I always feared how my work stress would affect an unborn baby just knowing how deeply it was impacting me in my waking life.
While I can say I still have no idea what I'm going to do or how I'm going to make things work, I do feel confident in the health of our baby and that I at least have options and dreams now (like I didnt before). I felt very confined and stuck at my old job and it's very freeing to feel like I have other options now. Happiness being the top of the list!
This is just my experience, but if your job is stressful and may compromise your happiness and health during a time so precious, it might be worth thinking about other options. It wasn't an easy decision for me but I know that looking back, I will be happy that I got out when I did.
Ohhh I forgot that little tid-bit. My husband works part time right now, and is on my benefits because he is finishing up his last year of law school! He'll graduate a month after baby is born and then need to start studying for the BAR! So I am I guess floating the boat kind of right now..but not really because therapists don't make very much money ...lol unfortunately.
I like the idea of a call-center or admin job so I don't have to be on my feet so much in the end.
As for the holes in the resume...I don't mind explaining that I took off some time to start my family...I'll deal with the repurcussions I guess.
Thanks for the input ladies!
I gotta say that leaving for another job with only 6 months to go before your leave may be a rash thing to do. Especially wth no other benefits options. I completely understand your stress and anxiety, I have been through the same thing with a bad culture change, bad supervisor, being involved in a lawsuit from my old boss, etc. It royally sucked. But that being said, a "stress-free" job like starbucks or BRU is just thinking the grass is greener on the other side. There will be stresses involved in ANY job you have. Unfortunately it's part of having a job.
Now, for the stress and anxiety, does your job have an EAP program? If so, I highly suggest you call them and get in with a counselor to help you deal with the stress an anxiety. I realize you are already a counselor, but sometimes you need a neutral third party to help you out. I had to do this last year when everything came to a head and it really helped. My doctor also wrote me out of work for two weeks, which also helped. But I was having daily anxiety attacks, chest pain, and crying over any negative comment (and not mean negative comment, anything like, I think your shirt came untucked). You don't want to get to that point, trust me, so get help ASAP.
As for people talking behind each others backs, etc, take yourself out of that situation as soon as it starts happening. You don't have to participate or listen to the gossip. If it's in a meeting, depending onthe people there, you can try to re-direct the meeting to the purpose of the meeting, such as "okay, as interesting as that may be, that's not why we are in this meeting, so let's refocus and address this issue now".
I really do feel you, stressful work situations are really hard, but you have 6 months left, that's it. That's what? March? Practically around the corner. You can do it, but get the help you need to deal with it.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
Dear OP,
I'm one of those people who really thinks that being in a job you hate is bad for your health all around. I'm not as bad as my grandmother, who would claim that stress is what gives people cancer (she's not totally off the mark, but it's not too scientific of a statement), but I do think that releasing yourself from stressful situations when possible is the key to a happy and healthy life.
The problem: jobs and benefits are essential as shelter and food if you are the bread winner, so you can't just quit and run so to speak.
But, if you were to find a way to make it happen without risking your family's healthcare and income, and if you were sure that the change would make your life less stressful, I think you'd be doing something good for yourself and your pregnancy.
one thought: is there a way to relieve any elements of stress in your workplace without leaving (talking to a supervisor about your struggles, for example)?
I am in a similar situation (I'm a school social worker at an alternative school, so all of my students have severe behavioral issues) and the stress can be extremely intense sometimes.
I love my job, and had been planning on working this year and the next school year before starting to look but now the stress has been so overwhelming with my pregnancy hormones that I've had days I think about packing it all up and just leaving. But, the rational part of me knows that I am not being totally rational! It is so easy in our field to get burnt out, but I remind myself that there was a reason I got into the work to begin with. I have come to the resolution that I will not make any MAJOR life changes that are not 100% necessary until after baby has arrived.
I do agree that having a neutral 3rd party to talk about work with can be super helpful. I'm working toward my clinical license right now, and retain a supervisor that is not part of my school - which sucks because it costs me more money, but is fantastic in that I can discuss work absolutely completely honestly without judgement. It is such a huge stress relief. Just because we are caregivers for others mental health doesn't mean we can always do it well for ourselves!
I posted the other day about how miserable I am in my job. I'm an attorney who couldn't get a law job when I graduated in 2009, so I took a analyst position with the government. I'm in a topic area that is highly technical and I have no background in, supervisors who are inflexible and not in the least supportive and a location that is difficult to get to. I'm beyond miserable. I just have to figure out how to get through the next 6 months, then take my 6 months unpaid maternity and then figure out whether to quit or what.
Unfortunately the issues are with my supervisor! The one who I love and who hired me still supervises me clinically but I'm having issues with the small handful of higherups who I would actually go to if there were an issue.
Thanks for all the advice ladies...it helps me put things in perspective a little bit.
I'm going to try to just deal with it and like some of you said...remove myself from any drama or situation that is problematic. It's hard around here because everyone wants you to take part in their gossipy staff-bashing and I just need to focus on me and my job.
I wish my direct supervisor wasn't so negative and didn't have such an attitude with me all the time. It just makes me hate coming to work.
Believe it or not the crazy stuff with my clients I can handle! I mean it's chaotic, but I'm used to that..it's the stuff with my co-workers and supervisors that I can't handle.
Hopefully it mellows out.
You're totally right about this.
Damnit.
Before I landed the job I have now I worked full time for Victoria's Secret and let me tell you it's not a cake walk. While there is possibly less drama, the work is not easy on your body. Standing for 8 plus hours a day on cement floors suck even when you are not pregnant. And holiday work is just mentally exhausting.
I hope you find a solution that will work out!