- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
No notification of sick day?
So SS (11) was with us last night for his weekly visitation. After dinner, he casually mentions something about when he was sick and not wanting to eat as much. So we asked him about it and come to find out he was sick with the flu over last weekend and into Monday. He stayed home from school Monday. We did not receive any kind of heads up from BM about it. SS seemed like he was feeling better so I'm not that worried, but DH and I have a DS (1) at our house and feel like we should have at least been told by BM about SS's illness.
What do you guys think? Should she at least give us the heads up when he's sick and missing school? Do you think its fair for us to just ask her to give us a heads up when SS is sick and missing school? We'd be happy with a text message, but just to let us know what's going on.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: No notification of sick day?
I think if it has been a few days and he is feeling better then he probably isn't at a risk for getting DS sick. There are so many illnesses that are contagious way before symptoms. I am not going to notify BD or SM about an illness such as a cold or flu unless it conflicts with visitation.
I guess I just feel like my DH is entitled to a quick text in cases where he's missing school for being sick. It might not affect the visitation, but as a parent, I think DH has the right to know. Not asking for a heads up anytime he has a sniffle, but if he's sick enough to miss school, I feel like he should be told.
I don't notify XH when DS is sick unless--
1) It affects his time with the kiddo; or
2) It's serious
I agree with Karma but I also consider the flu a real illness but if he was mildly sick for a few days it was probably a cold someone called the flu which is very common for people to use the word flu too often. but is your real concern that DH should be notified because SS missed school or because you have a 1yo, I am guessing your real concern was your LO because that is all you mentioned in your first post. If he was contagious with anything he could have given to your LO a few days before symptoms then they should tell you for heads up just like you would for a friend, if you are being over protective because he was sick last weekend and now will be around his sibling, get over it.
This. BD has a DD, so I will let him know if DS has been sick or picks something up at BD's home so that he can be aware and notify BM2 if need be. I often BD when I am taking DS to the doctor. He has to pay a % of the medical bills anyway, so he will see that DS was at the doctor. I see no reason to "hide" when DS gets sick/hurt.
The flu is something that is diagnosed at the doctor. I think if you are sick enough to get a diagnoses from the doctor, that is sick enough for the other parent to hear about it. If I were in your situation, I would have DH send BM a simple email "BM, SS said he had the flu and was sick over the weekend and missed school Monday. When SS is sick enough that it warrants a doctor visit and a diagnosis is given, I would like to be notified. This is especially because I have another DS and I don't want him getting sick as well."
This^^ for me too. When my DD talks to her dad, she may mention it and if he asks me for further explanation I will give it.
I agree with you. BM does let my DH know if the kids are sick enough to stay home from school. She just sends a text with a heads up that SS has a "whatever" and won't be going to school. We do the same.
The way I look at it is, it gives the other parent the opportunity to call and ask how their kid is. Give them warm and fuzzies and let them know that they love them and are sorry they are not feeling good. I know, sounds corny especially since the boys are teenagers now. They may roll their eyes now, but I know it makes them feel good.
Also, I think the other parent should know what is going on. Call me anal or whatever, but if there had been no divorce, then my DH would know that his kid is sick and missed school. So, I think that little should change just because there is a divorce.
^^ This. If the child has to miss school, I think a quick text of "LO isn't feeling well and will be missing school today" isn't too difficult to send. It gives the other parent notice and allows them to call and wish the child well. It allows time to arrange for any siblings at the school to swing by the sick child's class and pick up homework to be dropped off. Plus, if the child misses school Monday, but then goes to Dad's Wednesday and starts feeling sick at least Dad knows when the symptoms actually started and can take the child to the Dr if needed. For the sake of the child, I really think it's best to make sure both households are aware of illnesses. For example, when K got pink-eye and BM insisted it was just allergies, my husband and I had no idea when the symptoms actually started. So when we finally got K to Urgent Care, we looked like total jackasses because we had no real info other than "earlier this week". And at the age of 6, K wasn't too helpful with the timeline. It would have really helped everyone if BM had just been upfront and honest about when the symptoms began.
Granted, in situations like mine and Felles, BDs live across the country and don't have much contact with the kids. I don't bother telling BD when the kids are sick because truthfully, he doesn't care. He's not going to call and tell them he hopes they feel better. And he's not seeing them for several months, so what would really be the point?
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools
My DD stayed home sick from school on Monday with an upset stomach. She was fine by that evening and no, I did not call her BD.
How does your DH feel? Does he care if he gets a text or not. Maybe BM and DH are happy with the current arrangement??
Just a thought!
I would think a text/email...is just curteous and even for the childs sake. or during a pickup/drop off just mention if they have had a cold or been sick and they were taking this kind of med for it....if they are young enough they may not realize they need something for a sickness.
BM in the past has not always told DH about the kids staying home but one day when SD stayed home at our house because of vomitting, he emailed her mid-morning that day to tell her and he got a phone call within minutes bitching at him for not telling her sooner. it was literally 1-2 hours after school had started and he had made the phone call to the school way before the bell rang and taken care of the excused absence. Ever since then she has been courteous enough to return the favor (never figured out why she freaked about that situation...)
But if the children are a little older, a cold or minior flu symptoms may end up lying on the kids responsibility to say something. which isn't ideal but i'm sure in some divorce situations when the kids become older that happens to keep from having to deal too much between the parents if they don't get along. but with young ones in your household, i'd want to know also!
in dhs divorce agreement it says that each party will keep the other notified of the well being of the child. so when sd gets sick bm tells us and vice versa.
we had an issue a few yrs ago that there was an outbreak of scarlet fever at sd's school and bm never told us about it after receiving a notice that was sent home. less than a week later we brought ds, who was only a month old, to sds school for a play or something and found out about the outbreak then. i was so pissed its not even funny.
after that dh typed up a letter reiterating bm to tell us when sd was sick and also keep us notified of serious illenesses that sd is exposed it..