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Parenting
I'm a pushover and I need your help.
I know that I am going to ask her to leave, but how do I do that? I know I could say that she's had enough chances and that she needs to go. I know she's going to cry and throw a fit, and I'm a pushover. How do I stay strong?
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Re: I'm a pushover and I need your help.
I think both you & your DH need to tell her together. That way if one of you starts to give in, the other can stay strong.
GL. Tough situation.
Good idea. DH is a big softie, but he was pissed last night. He never yells or anything, he just speaks what's on his mind if he feels he needs to.
I read the other thread. If you have not given her previous warnings that could lead to kicking her out, I would probably give her one last shot.
I would probably say something along the lines of, since you've been here you've broken the house rules that you agreed to, X times. It is apparent you do not respect us/our rules/house/etc. If you step out of line again, then you will give us no other option than to ask you to leave. Consider this your final warning.
That being said, if you are at the end of your rope, then
Since you've been here you've broken the house rules that you agreed to, X times. It is apparent you do not respect us/our rules/house/etc. H and I have discussed and we simply do not see this working out in the long run. You are welcome to continue living here, abiding by our rules, until [date], while you assess your options and find a new living situation.
I don't think it's right to kick her out at this point. She's not a danger to you or anyone else in your home. She seems to be doing the best she can. I'm not sure what your expectations were in taking her in, but from what you've described of her family, you cannot really expect this girl to function as fully as someone who has been loved and supported.
Try to show her some more love and support. I like Lucky Dad's suggestions. I'm imaginging you took her in because she needed you and you felt like you could help her. Try to remember why you are helping her in the first place and what you could do to help both you and her move forward in a better relationship with each other.
Honestly this, if you can I would give her one last shot, she's 17 I seriously doubt she realizes how close she is to loosing her place to live. But if you do let her stay have the converstation above with her and let her know this is it.
The thing about kids is if they come from a crappy home situation, they most likely feel unloved and unwanted. I read your other post and I think that it would be pretty drastic to throw her out without sitting her down and having a serious talk about expectations. I also think you need to look at how you approach her...texting her to tell her the guy shouldn't have had his hand up her shirt was pretty lame. That would be something you say to her face to face. I imagine its pretty tough to basically have to start parenting a 17 year old, and if you aren't able to do it that is fine, just have somewhere safe for her if you can. Kicking her out will confirm for her she is unloved and unwanted, and that could be pretty detrimental.
Give her some clear rules (with consequences laid out) and give it another shot. Your heart is in the right place, and I commend you for stepping up to help her out, it takes an awesome person to do that.