* Nonbeliever / Non-religious Check-in *

RedPhoenix625 · October 2012

Happy Thursday, Ladies!

This check-in group is intended for those of us who would like to connect with like-minded TTCALers for the purpose of providing non-religious support, which we may have difficulty finding elsewhere. We grieve differently than those with more mainstream religious views, and may also feel uncomfortable sharing our grieving process with others for this reason. There is a lack of communities and support structures available to non-religious individuals; I hope we can build one here.

***Please note, this group is NOT intended to offend anyone of religious faith.***

In order to try to eliminate any potential drama, and to avoid offending other posters, here are some ground rules to keep the peace. Please let me know of anything you think should be added or changed.

Ground rules:

~ Please keep these threads respectful, to each other and to the women with differing views who may read the posts. Our goal is support.
~ Though the topic of religion will inevitably be a frequent point of discussion, please refrain from anything that would likely be interpreted as bashing other religions. This is not the place for that. Yes, share your thoughts and experiences, but keep it tasteful.
~ Of course all posters are welcome here, but let's avoid theological debates on this thread. There are plenty of places on the web for theological debates. There aren't plenty of places for support for non-religious TTCALers.
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Members
If you would like to be added to the check-in, post here and I will add you to the list of members.

annarussell05 - agnostic
BootsOrHearts - spiritual but not religious
centralperk - spiritual but not religious
dandywarhol - nonbeliever
eroplane - atheist
GraceinCA - agnostic atheist
huckleberry08 - atheist
jalara48 -
JennOH85 - agnostic
katharine25 - it's complicated
LaTi07 - agnostic
lindseyanne79 - agnostic/spiritual
LSzwaya - agnostic/spiritual
mdharrison - spiritual but not religious
MissMheMhe - agnostic
mlal78 - agnostic
ncchnat - agnostic
nola78 - spiritual but not religious
pkaren - agnostic
RedPhoenix625 - atheist
RequiresExalted - agnostic
shellyco - atheist
SwittyMcGee - atheist
Veganlady - agnostic
weaselwam - spiritual but not religious
wickedsugar - spiritual but not religious
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QOTW: (but feel free to share anything else you need support with, or that you need to get off your chest!)

Alright guys, I'm running out of questions again. But for this week, let's talk about fate. Do you believe in fate? Do you think things are or aren't "meant to be". How does that affect how you perceive your loss(es)?

Hope everyone's having a great week!

JennOH85 · October 2012

mdharrison:

My losses have definitely tainted my ability to believe that everything happens for a reason.

I agree and I think you said it well. Everything technically happens for a reason as in there was a cause (known or unknown) but that doesn't mean it was "supposed' to happen or had to happen that way. Just my two cents.

JennOH85 · October 2012

HI ladies! I was part of the original convo about getting a non-religious check-in started, but haven't participated in the check-ins. Mind if I join you?

QOTW: I don't believe in fate nor that things are "meant to be." Coincidences happen as does cause-and-effect, but that's where it ends for me. I don't believe in fate or signs or anything like that.

On another note, I have a dilemma I was hoping you might be able to help me with. My cousin asked me to be her child's godmother and I agreed. I wasn't expecting it at all, so she totally caught me off guard and I felt kind of stuck. Now I don't know if it was the right thing to do. Should I just go with it and try to be a good role model for the kid? Or does not believing in god disqualify me? WWTTCAL/NR-NB do?

JennOH85 · October 2012

ncchnat:
JennOH85:
On another note, I have a dilemma I was hoping you might be able to help me with. My cousin asked me to be her child's godmother and I agreed. I wasn't expecting it at all, so she totally caught me off guard and I felt kind of stuck. Now I don't know if it was the right thing to do. Should I just go with it and try to be a good role model for the kid? Or does not believing in god disqualify me? WWTTCAL/NR-NB do?
I think that depends on how religious the parents are. My brother and SIL baptized their daughter, but they are not that religious. Yes, they go to church, but for them, it's more the social convention than anything else. (Plus, his MIL would have been pissed if they hadn't.) They asked me to be A's godmother, but it is really more them asking me to set a good example as A grows up and to be the guardian should something happen to them.
On the other hand, if they parents are super religious, it might be best to back out.

You make a good point, ncchnat. Since my cousin isn't super religious, either, I bet it is more of just a social convention thing for her, too. I'm afraid that backing out after agreeing would be worse. Thanks for your input!

lindsayanne14 · October 2012

Hi Ladies!

I agree with many of the prior comments about there being cause and effect, but as far as fate....it's just not what I subscribe to. I guess I sort of feel like life is a series of choices and the choices we made in the past brought us to the present, and the ones we make today will influence the choices presented to us in the future. Hopefully that made a little bit of sense!

Phoenix, here are a few question ideas, I'm not sure if any are very good, but it's all I've got!

~How would you define a miracle?

~Do spirits, ghosts, angels exist?

~Is it good that some people believe in God and religion?

~Is religion good for society as a whole?

~Many religious people turn to prayer during difficult times, what do you do to find comfort during difficult times?

~Is Man(and Woman) the surpreme being in the Universe or just a speck in the vastness of space?

lindsayanne14 · October 2012

JennOH85:

On another note, I have a dilemma I was hoping you might be able to help me with. My cousin asked me to be her child's godmother and I agreed. I wasn't expecting it at all, so she totally caught me off guard and I felt kind of stuck. Now I don't know if it was the right thing to do. Should I just go with it and try to be a good role model for the kid? Or does not believing in god disqualify me? WWTTCAL/NR-NB do?

I am a Godmother to my cousin's daughter. My cousin isn't religious and knows I'm not either. She was really looking for someone who would help support her and her husband's values and be devoted to their daughter. I think traditionally (especially in the Catholic church) a God parent was expected to be responsible for the religious education of a child, but unless your cousin put an emphasis on that aspect, I would say you are fine. If you are really worried about it, maybe have a talk with your cousin about her expections for you!

RedPhoenix625 · October 2012

JennOH85:
ncchnat:
JennOH85:
On another note, I have a dilemma I was hoping you might be able to help me with. My cousin asked me to be her child's godmother and I agreed. I wasn't expecting it at all, so she totally caught me off guard and I felt kind of stuck. Now I don't know if it was the right thing to do. Should I just go with it and try to be a good role model for the kid? Or does not believing in god disqualify me? WWTTCAL/NR-NB do?
I think that depends on how religious the parents are. My brother and SIL baptized their daughter, but they are not that religious. Yes, they go to church, but for them, it's more the social convention than anything else. (Plus, his MIL would have been pissed if they hadn't.) They asked me to be A's godmother, but it is really more them asking me to set a good example as A grows up and to be the guardian should something happen to them.
On the other hand, if they parents are super religious, it might be best to back out.
You make a good point, ncchnat. Since my cousin isn't super religious, either, I bet it is more of just a social convention thing for her, too. I'm afraid that backing out after agreeing would be worse. Thanks for your input!

I agree. I think you should talk to them though, about what exactly it would entail. Even aside from the religion thing, it would be good to know what is expected and what you are getting yourself into. Maybe if you approach it that way, like you just want to make sure you are prepared, any religious expectations will come to light (if there are any). I know in the Catholic church, godparents are expected to provide religious support, education etc. But if they are not very religious, it might just a be a social thing.

RedPhoenix625 · October 2012

mdharrison:
Morning, RP! Thanks for the check-in, as always
Do you believe in fate? Do you think things are or aren't "meant to be". How does that affect how you perceive your loss(es)?
I used to be a firm believer that things happened for a reason, that everything was pre-set and fate was already determined. But after I lost my mom, and especially after I lost Asher I simply can't find myself believing that any more.
Yes, technically everything happens for a reason. I had to get up to pee last night because I drank too much water, The X Factor was post-poned because of a stupid baseball rain delay (sorry to any fans). Technically, everything happens for a reason. But delving further into that just isn't for me any more.
After I lost Asher I found myself searching for a reason. Searching for something good enough for me to go "you know what, okay. That makes sense" but no, nothing will ever be a good enough answer for me.
My losses have definitely tainted my ability to believe that everything happens for a reason.
ETA: Sorry, I kind of went off on a different tangent there.. but whaaatever, you get the point.

I'm totally with you; this is exactly how I feel. Yes, there is some reason I can't get pregnant on my own, and there is some reason I've lost 5 babies, even though nobody can figure out what it was. But it wasn't god's reason, and even if it was, it wouldn't be good enough!

ncchnat:
That is one thing that always confused me when I did believe. People talk about how God gave us the gift of free thought and the ability to make our own decisions, yet when something happens (whether as a result of those decisions or not), it's all part of God's plan. You can't have it both ways!

I also don't understand how fate jives with free-will. One of the many reasons I don't "get" religion

RedPhoenix625 · October 2012

JennOH85:
HI ladies! I was part of the original convo about getting a non-religious check-in started, but haven't participated in the check-ins. Mind if I join you?
QOTW: I don't believe in fate nor that things are "meant to be." Coincidences happen as does cause-and-effect, but that's where it ends for me. I don't believe in fate or signs or anything like that.
On another note, I have a dilemma I was hoping you might be able to help me with. My cousin asked me to be her child's godmother and I agreed. I wasn't expecting it at all, so she totally caught me off guard and I felt kind of stuck. Now I don't know if it was the right thing to do. Should I just go with it and try to be a good role model for the kid? Or does not believing in god disqualify me? WWTTCAL/NR-NB do?

Welcome! I will add you to our member list. Glad to have you aboard! Would you consider yourself agnostic, atheist, undecided, spiritual.... ?

RedPhoenix625 · October 2012

ncchnat:
Also, RP, you have a PM.

You too!

JennOH85 · October 2012

RedPhoenix625:
JennOH85:
HI ladies! I was part of the original convo about getting a non-religious check-in started, but haven't participated in the check-ins. Mind if I join you?
QOTW: I don't believe in fate nor that things are "meant to be." Coincidences happen as does cause-and-effect, but that's where it ends for me. I don't believe in fate or signs or anything like that.
On another note, I have a dilemma I was hoping you might be able to help me with. My cousin asked me to be her child's godmother and I agreed. I wasn't expecting it at all, so she totally caught me off guard and I felt kind of stuck. Now I don't know if it was the right thing to do. Should I just go with it and try to be a good role model for the kid? Or does not believing in god disqualify me? WWTTCAL/NR-NB do?

Welcome! I will add you to our member list. Glad to have you aboard! Would you consider yourself agnostic, atheist, undecided, spiritual.... ?

Thanks! I would describe myself as agnostic. TY for your input on the godmother issue, too. I think I'm going to stick with it, but definitely talk to my cousin to make sure we're on the same page as far as expectations.

JennOH85 · October 2012

lindsayanne79:
JennOH85:

On another note, I have a dilemma I was hoping you might be able to help me with. My cousin asked me to be her child's godmother and I agreed. I wasn't expecting it at all, so she totally caught me off guard and I felt kind of stuck. Now I don't know if it was the right thing to do. Should I just go with it and try to be a good role model for the kid? Or does not believing in god disqualify me? WWTTCAL/NR-NB do?

I am a Godmother to my cousin's daughter. My cousin isn't religious and knows I'm not either. She was really looking for someone who would help support her and her husband's values and be devoted to their daughter. I think traditionally (especially in the Catholic church) a God parent was expected to be responsible for the religious education of a child, but unless your cousin put an emphasis on that aspect, I would say you are fine. If you are really worried about it, maybe have a talk with your cousin about her expections for you!

Thank you! She didn't say anything about a religious role, but I'm definitely going to talk to her about it to make sure. I'm more than happy to support her and help be a role model, I just want to make sure I'm on the same page as her mom. TY! It's helpful to hear from someone else who's been in this scenario, too.

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