Can I have input?

Ehoughton12 · October 2012

I'm a little over 10 weeks, and I'm ready to tell friends that I'm expecting. The thing is, I'm terrified. I'm 19 and will be a single mother and I'm scared of what everyone will say. I know some of my friends will be completely supportive, but I also know some will tell me just how much I've messed up everything. I do know that this will be hard, but I already know I will do everything I need to in order to raise my baby on my own. I'm just scared of people who think I don't realize the reality of the situation I'm currently in.

WifeyProverbs31 · October 2012

I can't say from experience since I haven't been in that situation, but maybe try something like... "i understand this will be challenging, and that it was a bit of a surprise, however I believe this child is a blessing and am sure I can provide for him/her by doing xyz."

burkems · October 2012

You know what, if you're happy and positive about the pregnancy, let that show through to your friends. If they say stupid shiz that is out of line, tell them, "You know, it's good to know where you stand. I'll keep that in mind." Maybe they'll realize what an ass they're being. Just be positive and calm, no matter what they say. Don't let it get to you.

Ehoughton12 · October 2012

Thank you. I'm very confident that I am taking pro active steps preparing to be a mother, and I know that any negative comments won't exactly change what I feel, but I get so depressed so easily nowadays and it's not circumstances easily to accommodate since I work 40 hours a week and can't afford to be depressed.

KHadden26 · October 2012

I feel like no matter your situation or age, everyone's going to have an opinion. My hubby and I weren't doing so well 6 months ago so i'm sure everyone i'm telling is that 'wow, they're pregnant - they should have waited since they werent doing so well...i hope they dont think they baby will help their relationship' but screw 'em! we're excited. My point being, no matter what, people have no idea how you feel about it and they may never understand!

DChunt09 · October 2012

Like pp have said, tell them with your head held high. It's really all you can do.
I can sort of relate to this as I was pregnant with Ds when I was 19. I gave birth to him 3 days after my 20th birthday. I was, and still am, married and really had everything "in order" for a long time. Unfortunately, I was still [and still am] judged because of my age. I heard some very harsh things from people I didn't know, say in a grocery store, or a parking lot but I really reminded myself everyday that those things ultimately don't matter.
You'll be fine and you will find out who your friends are cling to those people and your supportive family.

capstone52501 · October 2012

I understand.. i was 17 when I had my son. Your true friends will stick by you, the others can take their walking papers and go. It was hard for me I wont lie BUT I also had parents that although not thrilled with the situation, were supportive and I finished highschool. I also later on went on to a local college. You are going to do fine.
As far as people talking... heck that happens no matter what your age. I am 40, married for 10 years and pregnant with #3 and my parents are NOT happy at all. Some people are supportive and others think I am insane.
You have a wonderful support system right here and no matter how silly you think a question or vent is we are always here to listen and most of the time can relate to the issue in some way.

Ehoughton12 · October 2012

I do believe joining this forum is one of the best decisions I have ever made :

CRLSMC2011 · October 2012

Just repeat to yourself, and say to them if appropriate: What's done is done. Having a kid at 19 may not be the best thing generally, but it is what it is. I'm prepared to deal with the consequences of my decision and not let them affect my child's life. I'm prepared to be the best mother I can and give my child all the love and care possible and a good life. My decision is made and it is up to you (them) whether you (they) want to support me and my child in a positive way.

It may take awhile for some people to come around, but the important ones will and you will find others to replace those that won't. Just focus on keeping yourself and your baby healthy and cared for and surrounded by love.

JMKaut · October 2012

Really, it doesn't matter what situation we are in, people talk. This is our third baby and people are still talking about whether it's a good decision or not. (this is family, as no one else knows yet)

Find a support system that doesn't have toxic people in it. Stay healthy.

KtrynReu · October 2012

I'm glad you're here too!!!

Just remember that no matter what your situation, people will talk and judge. How you react to it shows what kind of person you are. You seem to be handling this very positively - which is great!

I'm also a single mom to be, although the circumstances couldn't be more different. And, even when you are 34, and planned the pregnancy, and have a great career - people will talk. I have family members that have asked my parents if I will be getting back together with my ex so that the baby will have a father. Ummmm... if I wanted that, I wouldn't have gotten divorced!

Ultimately at the end of the day, all you can do is do right by yourself and your LO. And, as long as you can sleep at night you are doing well.

caden1206 · October 2012

First, welcome.

I was 20 the first time I was pregnant and I dealt with all of that you are describing from family and friends. But, you know what I was a damn good mom to my son and I got myself through school. Today I think everyone thinks Caden is the best thing that happened to me because he gave me drive and motherhood taught me not to settle. It is all up to you.

MaggieMooMom · October 2012

2010Bride2be:
People are going to talk. Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do about that. However, if this is something that you want to move forward with, do it with your head held high and don't let others' negativity get to you.

As far as your friends go, like you said, some will be supportive, some will say they'll be supportive and drop off, and some will give you an earful from the beginning. This is how you learn who your real friends are.

This.

JessicaB0627 · October 2012

Welcome! I will barely be 21 when baby is born. So we are in similar situations! You will definitely find out who your true friends are soon. Two of my friends got pregnant at 16 and they both realized very quickly which friends were the ones they wanted to stick around. It was tough but they didn't lose everybody!

AliannaMarie · October 2012

My mother was 19 and single when she had me and I could not have asked for a better parent. I think that you will be fine as long as you have the support of the people close to you and you are capable of making the right decisions for your child. People will judge no matter what. I'm 21, have my own place with my boyfriend and we both have steady jobs, yet there are still some people that think we are too young. It's up to you to prove those doubters wrong. Congrats and good luck!

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