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April 2012 Moms
schmood
member
Do you think DH does it on purpose?
schmood
member
As far as getting up for MOTN feedings, I'd say that it's split about 80/20. There are just some nights where I can't do it so I tag DH in. Well, he huffs and puffs and turns the lights on in our room to find his slippers or whatever. Then he goes to the bathroom, gets a drink of water and finally goes in to get DS.... all the while, DS is crying in the monitor next to my head. Then after he's done feeding him, most times he just puts DS back in the crib and comes back to bed. He doesn't sooth him to sleep, so DS is still crying and unsettled. DH will say 'I don't know what else to do!' So then I end up getting up anyway to sooth him back to sleep. Kinda defeats the purpose of DH getting up in the first place. Do you think that DH is not doing a good job on purpose - so that I'll stop asking him to get up with DS? Anyone else have this issue?
ETA: apparently I can't spell soothe!
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Re: Do you think DH does it on purpose?
I don't have that issue (we alternate nights), but it definitely sounds like your DH is doing the whole "drop the plate when I'm washing the dishes so I don't have to do them again" thing.
I'd set some ground rules if you want him to do it: slippers by the bed, a nightlight, a glass of water on his nightstand, and teach DH how to soothe.
It drives me crazy when DH can't get DD back to sleep, but I refuse to get out of bed to soothe her. His night, his job, and the monitor is next to his side of the bed. Maybe you should move it next to him so he hears your DS cry!?
mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/21/ 1/15
It sounds to me like he's doing it on purpose.
DH will get up if I ask him to, but he gets up earlier than me, so I usually do it. He has Tues/Weds off, so on Monday/Tuesday nights, I usually poke him in the arm if she wakes up. I'll run down and make a bottle while he changes her, but I leave him to feed her. I do bounce/rock her to sleep every night because he says he "can't get her to sleep", which I think is true, but only because he doesn't try!
I'm BF'ing, so unfortunately, it's all me. DH normally does get up to bring Caroline to me, but then falls back asleep; however, I can't complain. Normally, I just have to roll over and feed her and we all fall back asleep.
We were at a bonfire with our neighbors this past weekend and a guy there did admit that he did a poor job MOTN on purpose. His wife said he would fumble and stumble around, and she just started doing everything herself because she didn't trust him. He was, indeed, doing it on purpose.
mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/21/ 1/15
I'm sorry this sounds really frustrating.
My DH was great about getting up with DD, he actually did it way more than I did, but he would also get frustrated if she would not go right back to sleep.So I don't know if the "I don't know what else to do" is on purpose but I did think it was crap that I would stay up and comfort DD but DH wouldn't and would get mad or frustrated if she wouldn't go back to sleep...
It used to be 100% me (EBF) until I decide enough is enough with the feedings every 2-3 hours all night. I told him I needed him to go in the first waking to soothe her as it was hard for me to hear her cry and to be "strong" and not give boobies.
It turned out he COULD soothe her after all. Big shocker
Still though any wakings that happen after he is asleep it's me because he sleeps like the dead. He seriously does NOT hear her crying, I could have the monitor turned way up right by his head and he would just keep snoring. It makes me think I could never leave her with him at night if I wasn't there.
He said what's the big deal aren't we doing Cry-it-out anyway? And I said.. umm its not leave her in there crying alone, turn off the monitor and that's that. Jeebus. I sometimes make him get up anyway and go in but it's kind of pointless because I can hear it all anyway and I don't fall back asleep until she's back asleep. Or like half an hour after that as I am so angry about hubby snoring loudly next to me. Grrr. Men
Yup. MH isn't that bad, but he does give in quickly and get frustrated easily. It's his responsibility if it's been less than 2.5 hours since feeding. He doesn't always know when it's a hungry cry or a fussy cry, so he waits for the nudge. Sometimes, I swear, he walks in there, puts the paci in, and comes right back in bed, only to have to get right back up 2 minutes later. But some of those times, I'll look at the clock and realize he was really in there for 5 minutes, but I guess I fell back asleep. At the same time, he'll complain about soothing for an hour and a half, and I'll reveal that it was really only 35 minutes (on the really rought nights).
As for the lights, slippers, drink and bathroom, he's being ridiculous.
Micah Leonard