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Late Term and Child Loss
I guess I'm supposed to introduce myself?
My name Is Jessica and I live in Kansas City. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married 7 years. We had been TTC ever since we got married.
A year after We got married and after no positive tests, no possibility's, we decided to seek advice. A doctor ran some test and found I wasn't ovulating. After being on clomid for 4 months with still no luck we moved onto IUI. We did 6 IUI's all with BFN. After having a Cyst burst on my right ovary, my doctor decided to do laparoscopic surgery and that is when he found that my tubes were blocked (so the 1st doctor that did the HSG test, didn't do it right). and that I had endometriosis too. I was cleared out and told, "go get pregnant now".
Another year went by and I still was not pregnant.
I eventually had 4 more laparoscopic surgeries. In 2009, My husband and I finally went to do IVF, but the Doctor at the IVF clinic used a dirty instrument to aspirate and it caused an infection...E.COLI. I was rushed into emergency surgery were I lost my right tube and right ovary and Appendix. I almost lost my life due to the E.COLI spreading into my blood stream, OR at least that's what I was told.
I gave up on a baby, My husband and I decided, it wasn't God's will to give us a baby. But 2 weeks after we made that decsion, we were given motivation to try again. Almost 2 years after That incident, we did our 2# IVF and Transferred 2- 5day old embryos and they both took. We were so excited and needed to pinch ourselves multiple times.
At 22 weeks, we went to our last visit with the perinatologists and he said that "our son had Deconginatal heart failure and his intestines were pushed up in his diaphragm and that his lungs were not going to grow" He also said to us that we needed to go upstairs and do a DNC....We refused. over time, our son did grow, he kept up with his sister and grew. Our goal was that we needed to make it as close as we can to 40 weeks. Which is almost impossible with twins.
We choses to have faith. The babies came at 33 weeks. It happened so fast, but I was finally a mom and I was experiencing everything I ever wanted. Until it hit me, My son. They told us we wouldn't hear him cry, my Husband did. They said he wouldn't be able to keep up in growth with his sister..He was only .7oz less than her at birth.
My son passed 22 hours after he was born in my husbands arms with all of our family including his sister in the room.
My daughter in now 10 months old and stronger than ever. I thank God everyday for giving her to me. I don't know where I would be without her. I am so lost and in so much pain without my son. I feel Cheated and lied to. I don't understand why I tried so hard for him and never gave up on him, for him to just be taken away from us so soon.
Thanks for reading this, any advice on ways to cope would be great. I'm posting this because I realize I can't do this on my own and I'm not alone. I just need support!
6 IUI total= All with BFN
5 Laparoscopy
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I guess I'm supposed to introduce myself?
I am so sorry for your loss of your son. I hope you can find some comfort here with use.
Have you ever heard of the magazine "Still Standing"? I found this article to be helpful after I had Zachary. I hope it can help you too.
https://stillstandingmag.com/2012/05/glimpses-of-her-parenting-after-loss/
Sorry it's not clicky. On my iPad.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I am sorry you have to be here but am glad you found this board and hope the ladies here can bring you some comfort.
Here are my thoughts on your fight for your son: you did not give up on him. I know for me being able to look back and know that I did everything possible to save my son brings me comfort. I hope you can be comforted by the fact that you never gave up on your son. By not listening to your doctor you were able to carry him for another 11 weeks, your family was able to meet him, hold him and have time with him.
((hugs))
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
After Liam died, my world fell apart. I was so mad and I felt cheated and totally devastated. Since then I have decided (because this was a decision, I am determined) that the meaning of his life was make mine better. I have chosen to let go from my anger and bad feelings. I can't explain why he is not with me and I will miss him every day for the rest of my life but I thank him every day for making me a better person, teach me to enjoy the moment, not lose my time with what's not important and have my priorities straight. I decided his life will have more meaning if I have a happier life after he came to change it. I will have a wonderful life and he will be the reason for it. Getting here hasn't been easy. I still struggle and there are days that the bad feelings come back and pull me down. But every day I am closer to my goal. It is not magic, just determination. My advice is to try to stay positive. IT IS HARD sometimes. But it can help the pain be a little more bearable. And in those bad days (or ANY other), you can come here for support. You don't need to do it alone.
Hope this makes sense. It is hard for me to put it into words.
I am sorry your son is not with you. I am glad your daughter is strong and healthy. You sound like a great mother.
BIG HUG
**siggy warning***
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. This board has been a huge help for me and I hope that we can someway help you. I am so glad you have your sweet daughter to keep you going, my DS was my life savior during our loss and still is. I find myself sitting and just watching him and loving on him so much more now. Even when he is tired, cranky or hungry and I am exhausted, I am still so thankful that he is here. Bug hugs to you mama and welcome!
Thank you all for your kind words. I told my husband that I got back on this board to talk to others, that know what I'm going through. He thought it was a great idea for me. He was just so happy that I'm finally reaching out to others for support.
God bless you all!