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Two Under 2
chrissyp86
member
neglecting my toddler
chrissyp86
member
in Two Under 2
I have a 19 month old and a 1 month old and I am really struggling with handling the two of them by myself. My husband doesn't get home from work until about 7pm. My newborn needs to be held all the time and often wakes up crying when I set him down. I am breasfeeding so I am feeding him every 2.5 hours. I have been trying to use the baby bjorn carrier but my back can only handle it for so long. I feel like I cannot give my toddler the attention he needs. It is so much harder than I thought. I feel so stressed out everyday I just want to cry. How do you handle it??
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Re: neglecting my toddler
First of all... you are doing your best and some days your best is going to have to be good enough. Anyone who judges you has never walked a day in your shoes!
Second, is there any family that can come and help you? Help was a big part of building my confidence around being a mom of 2u2.
Have you tried a different carrier? My first loved the Moby. My second loved the Wal-mart cheapie. What about white noise for the baby or any of the other 5's.
What are you doing to entertain your toddler while you nurse or soothe the baby? I strongly recommend the dollar store and a special group of toys, snacks, etc during the time you have to be with the baby. My toddler loves having her own "baby" (its actually a cow) that she takes care of!
As a bit of perspective, it is hard now. It sucks now. It makes you question 'what the h**l was I thinking?' ... 5 months later I can tell you it is SOOOO much better. My toddler LOVES her brother- she holds his hand, talks to him when he cries, picks up his binkies, always asks to "hold" (with much supervision) him, and kisses him tons. He is much less needy and growing up way too fast. It gets better. It gets so much better.
BFP 5/21/10, Missed m/c 7/5/10 at 11w3d (baby measured 7wks), D&C 7/7/10
Aug/Sept 2010 - CD3&10 b/w & u/s, genetic testing, SA, HSG, & Lap/Hyst to remove septum
12/09/10 BFP -- 7/05/11 DS born at 33w5d. Came home after 23d in NICU at 37w0d
June 2012 - TTC #2! -- 10/05/12 BFP -- 5/23/13 DS2 born at 37w1d! Yay full term!
Surprise BFP 6/25/14 LO#3 due Feb2015!
I take it one day at a time. There are times i just want to cry when both my boys are crying and the lack of sleep doesnt help. I find getting out of the house helps alot. I go to the park so my son can run around. I have the ergo and it doesnt hurt my back at all.
I usually have my toddler watch mickey mouse or play with my iphone when i nurse. Its a challenge so you are not alone. My husband works all the time so its just me and the boys everyday.
Try putting baby to be awake so he falls asleep on his own. I swear it works for all three of my kids. Try it!
For us, keeping an eye on the clock is the MOST IMPORTANT THING.
Disclaimer: Do what works for you, this is what we do.
We keep an eye on the clock and keep DD2 up for only a certain amount of awake time (which at this age is basically enough time to diaper and feed her). See below for guideline by age. We put her down awake, to fall asleep on her own. No crying necessary. By not letting her get overtired, she is able to fall asleep on her own. Also, by putting DD2 down in her space awake, she does not wake up in a different place than she fell asleep (i.e. she doesnt fall asleep in my arms, then wake in her crib and be scared).
We also swaddle using the escape proof swaddle. I personally swaddle till about 5-6 months old. We thought DD1 hated swaddling, so we stopped at 2 weeks old. Then we found this method at 10 weeks and she fell asleep for 7 hrs that night. It works great for us: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K4VdZxwsu4
We also have a fan for white noise and a fisher price aquarium for music/lights to distract her. And, if necessary, a pacifier. I highly recommend a crib attachment thing, like the aquarium, not a mobile. A mobile needs to be constantly wound up whereas the aquarium plays for 18 minutes and has a wireless remote that can turn it on from the doorway.
Guideline for Awake time for babies
0-4 weeks: 30-45 minutes
4-6 weeks: 40-60 minutes
6-8 weeks: 40-70 minutes
8-12 weeks: 50-80 minutes
3-4 months: 60-90 minutes
4-5 months: 1 hr to 1.5 hrs
5-6 months: 1.5 hours
6-9 months: 2 hours, give or take 15 minutes
I did not BF my first but I do BF my second and it has been a huge difference to me. Anytime LO2 was crying, people just assumed she was hungry and handed her over. A lot of the time I assumed that too and popped a boob in her mouth. And then she couldn't fall asleep without that, or if she did it was only in the swing and I somehow ended up army crawling around my living room so she wouldn't see me and would continue napping. The beginning stages were a free-for-all, anything goes. But we actually ended up reading the Sleepeasy solution and it has been a complete lifesaver. Not because we did CIO or because we sttn or anything - because it gave us a guideline as to what our "schedule" should be as far as awake times, and when to put baby down for a nap. We were trying to get LO2 to adjust to LO1's schedule, but LO2 was not a nap on the go kid, and she was getting so tired and miserable. I actually found (on the other side of the nap troubles) that once she was sleeping better, she did not actually need to eat as much as I was nursing her. She just did not know any other way to get to sleep and stay asleep. This may not be the case for you, as your LO is much younger than mine was at the time, but I just thought I would put that out there as hope you won't be doing this forever.
I am not in your position yet, but these are some of the things that I worry about when I have LO in February. So I've been asking friends, family, and even my pediatrician now to try and prepare. Here are some suggestions that seem worth trying:
- Have a special bin of toys that your oldest child gets to play with only when you are breast feeding. They are "new" and should help keep your child entertained.
- Baby wear!!!! When I was breast feeding DD, I always sat down somewhere and breast fed her. I think because it was just "our" time together, and i enjoyed the peace and quiet. But I have to realize that having another child to look after might make it hard to just sit down this time around. I am planning on using a baby carrier more this time and breast feed while doing other things. I guess I just need to figure out how to multitask! This way I could be breast feeding and making DD lunch, or playing with toys, etc at the same time.
And I would definitely suggest the Ergo (we have the sport version). It was extremely comfortable on my back, and easy to get on by myself.