Adoption

2.5 months later

and we're still waiting on some people to turn in their personal reference questions to our agency.

They sent out 12 questions (not even all that involved) to all of our 6 references. Here we are 2.5 weeks out from being completely done with our home study, and 2.5 MONTHS after they received the reference materials, and we're still waiting on people to get it done.

I ran into one of these people September 1st who said they only had 1 question left and were on it...still not in...

After at least 3 different reminder calls since then, I'm getting veeeery frustrated.

I totally realize that I'm asking people to take time out of their lives to help us out, but why agree to be one of our references for such a life-changing thing like this, if you're not going to just get it done? 

Sorry. I just had to vent. Because I'm really going to be angry if our home study isn't approved because we have to sit and wait on this by the time we're done 11/5.

:::FOLLOW MY HALF MARATHON TRAINING:::

:::Our Adoption Journey:::

Evan James was born 1/24/13 and matched with us 2/20/13. The LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!

Re: 2.5 months later

  • Oh....wow. I can't believe people are just sitting on these! Not that I know what types of questions are involved, but they're not writing a freakin disertation here. I am so, so very sorry. If it were me, maybe I'd give one more pleading, bleary eyed request for them to get turned in ASAP as you can't move forward until they get in gear.

     

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  • Yeah, we lost a grant opportunity because our pastor wouldn't finish our reference letter in two months' time... I know you're busy, and this is out of the kindness of your heart, but this really affects our lives!

    I think I should have told him we needed it in two weeks instead of that he had a month to do it. 

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    After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
    Homestudy complete July 19
    USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
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  • I would be asking if you can give them an additional reference and replace the one being an idiot. That is just insane.
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  • I would almost make an excuse to call them, chit chat a while, if they ask how things are going, let them know you are stressed because the agency says they can't move forward until everything is in and they are still waiting on things.  I think they almost need to see why putting off something that would have only taken them a little bit of time is now putting your family on a back burner.  Not fair at all.  (((HUGS)))

    TTC since June 2009 DX: PCOS October 2010
    6 medicated cycles, 2 pregnancies, 1 ectopic April 2011, Early Miscarriage August 2011
    7 more cycles, 1 IUI, No success after last pregnancy
    7/1/2012 No more fertility coverage
    8/17/2012 started pursuing domestic infant adoption!
    11/26/2012 HOME STUDY APPROVED!!!
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  • IRRIRR member
    WOW, I hope none are family members.  I had a couple of friends who were a bit intimidated by the questions and didn't know what to write so they had me come over to work on it with them.  I wonder if you could offer to do the same.  GL.
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    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


  • Wow that is so rude and lazy! I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

    TTC September 2010 thru October 2011
    SA February 2011: Normal
    RE App. October 2011 - Recc. Clomid and IUI

    Taking a break from TTC to pursue adoption

    Met our 2 year old son in Russia July 2012!
    Court trip October 2012
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  • I would totally call them on it. Tell them exactly what you told us.

    Here is what I would say:

    "We are 2.5 weeks away from being approved. Unfortunately, our agency (or whomever) has told us that they cannot submit our homestudy because they have not received your letter of reference. I understand how busy you are, but the agency asked that we have the reference to them by (set an exact date, preferably before your 2.5 weeks is up). I completely understand if you cannot meet that deadline, so if it is going to be a problem, please let me know so I can find another reference. We appreciate your help so much, and I don't want to be a pain, but we are now in crunch time and cannot be approved unless we can get the reference to the Social Worker as soon as possible."

    Cervical Cancer Survivor since 2007 TTC Since 2008 IUI#1 = BFN IUI#2 = BFN IUI#3 = BFN IUI#4 = BFN IVF #1 = BFN FET #1 = BFN FET #2 = BFN FET #3 = BFN IVF #2 = BFN IVF #3 = BFN FET #4 = BFN FET #5 = BFP!!! 06/10/2011 Miscarriage 06/21/2011 Adoption Application Submitted 09/2011, Personal Documents Submitted 11/18/2011, Home Visit 12/16/2011, Officially Waiting!!! 01/21/2013 MATCHED!!!! 01/24/2013 Baby Boy Born! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • imagelafayettegirl:

    I would totally call them on it. Tell them exactly what you told us.

    Here is what I would say:

    "We are 2.5 weeks away from being approved. Unfortunately, our agency (or whomever) has told us that they cannot submit our homestudy because they have not received your letter of reference. I understand how busy you are, but the agency asked that we have the reference to them by (set an exact date, preferably before your 2.5 weeks is up). I completely understand if you cannot meet that deadline, so if it is going to be a problem, please let me know so I can find another reference. We appreciate your help so much, and I don't want to be a pain, but we are now in crunch time and cannot be approved unless we can get the reference to the Social Worker as soon as possible."

     

    This, exactly! Let them know that they're the only thing holding you up. Just say it politely and make sure to follow up with a thank you note or something.... 

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  • That is SO annoying.  I would feel terrible if I held someone up like that : (


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  • I personally hope no one ever asks me to fill one out lol. Life is overwhelming enough for me at times. I get it trust me, this is the biggest thing in your life, but others might just not get that. Can you pick a new person? Explain the urgency?
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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