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November 2012 Moms
Curious if I am the only one....
Ok....just out of curiosity, am I the only one whose husband doesn't plan on being in the delivery room? I know the norm now is for the dad to be present, but just wondering if there were any others out there that won't have their husband in the delivery room. And if so, why not?
Even before I became pregnant, I knew that my husband didn't want to be in the delivery room during the actual pushing phase, and I am completely fine with that. The plan is for him to come in after the Drake is cleaned up and I'm all stitched up (if necessary). There are two reasons why he won't be in there....1) he doesn't want to see anything 2) someone will need to be in the waiting room with my daughter.This discussion has been closed.
Re: Curious if I am the only one....
The not wanting to see anything is a huge cop out. DH didn't want to see "anything" and stayed by my hand, he even held my leg, etc (my mom was behind the doctors bawling and taking it all in :-) ). I would not have been ok if he just wanted to stay in the waiting room. However, if he had to be with DD, that would be a different story. I'm quite thankful that Nana will be taking care of DD so that DH will be there.
ETA-DH said he wouldn't cut the cord, I was ok with that. When the doctor asked him, he jumped in to do it and my Mom got the best picture! Even if they say they don't want to, they won't want to miss out.
Also, this is your second, was he there for the first? If he bailed then too I'd be pretty upset.
My husband insists that he doesn't want to be in the delivery room either but I won't hear of him being any place else. If he doesn't want to see, he doesn't have to look -- he can just stand up by my head, hold my hand, and tell me how much he loves me, no peeking or cord-cutting necessary. My thought is that if he was there when the baby was conceived, he will be there when he is born, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Also, I know him. This baby is the most precious thing he's ever made and he'd never forgive himself if he wasn't there for his first moments of life outside the womb. (Personally I think he just likes ruffling my feathers by saying he doesn't want to be there.)
V|V TSP V|V
My DH will be in the room with me, but we have a rule...he has to stay by my head and not look at the baby coming out.
Thankfully I will have him there with me. He's active duty military, so I'm really happy that he doesn't have to deploy. There's a lot of military spouses that are not so lucky and have to go through pregnancy/delivery alone.
My FI tried to say he didn't think he could handle something like that when we found out I was pregnant. I responded with "If I have to go through with this, then so do you." He never brought it up again and plans on being by my side!
If we had another child that needed to be taken care of it would be different...but we don't!
N14 November Siggy Challenge - Celebration
I too think not wanting to see is a cop out. You were both there when the baby was made. You should both be there for the birth, barring catastrophe or military deployment or something along those lines. Your vag isn't just a plaything and if that's his deal, I'd have a long talk with him sooner rather than later.
Well considering he's my labor coach he'll definitely be there. But even if he wasn't, I'd be really pissed if he told me he doesn't want to be there so he won't have to see anything. It's not like it's going to be a walk in the park for me, and my need for his support trumps his desire not to see anything he might consider icky.
Like a PP mentioned, if there was no other option for DD than to be in the waiting area and no other option for someone to be with her than DH I might be able to live with it, but we'd never plan on that scenario.
DH definitely wanted to be in the delivery room. He didn't want to see anything but he was just going to sit by my head and be there for me. I didn't want to see anything either so no mirror was happening. I ended up with an emergency c/s and DH was in the room right by my head the whole time trying to keep me calm. He was amazing (babies were early so I was a mess)
If his excuse is that he doesn't want to see anything, that's a cop-out. Like I and PPs have said, he doesn't have to leave your head. As for someone watching your DD, is there someone else that can watch her? Your parents, his parents, a friend, another family member? If you don't have any other options then someone has to watch her.
In reference to the bold.
1) He doesn't want to see anything??? I don't want to feel anything, can I wait in the waiting room too?? He needs to be a man and a partner and suck it up. He should be there to support you. Period. Opting out because he doesn't want to see anything is so lame I'm actually getting pissed and I don't even know you/him!!!!
2) I completely understand this. If this was the only reason, I wouldn't think anything of him not being in the room. If no one meets us at the hospital, my DH may not be able to be present in the delivery room either. Luckily for us, we have very good friends on "baby alert" who will be dropping everything to meet us at the hospital and watch our boys until LO is delivered. That said, there are also nurses willing to take your child while you are pushing if no family or friends can be there to sit with her.
I think everyone else is more upset with my hubby than I ever thought about being. :-) I can understand why you ladies want your husband there, but to me it's just a non-issue. I really did ask just out of curiosity.
My ex-husband was in the room when I had my daughter, and to tell you the truth, I would have preferred he not be. I don't feel like whether or not my husband is there to see the birth will affect whether he bonds with our son. I also feel like it's a generational thing as well. My dad's generation weren't allowed in the room, whether they wanted to be there or not.
We don't have any family in town to leave her with, nor do I feel comfortable asking someone to come watch her for me. I'm sure she'll want to meet her little brother right after he's born anyways (even if it is the middle of the night). She has talked about her "little brother" from the day we told her I was pregnant.
THIS
DH would never get away with copping out like that. Nor would he ever try.
I completely agree. I would love to hear from some dads on this one. I can't imagine DH not being there. I know he wouldn't want to miss the birth of his son or the bonding that comes in the moments after birth.
Is anyone going to be in the room with you? Who is going to take those first precious photos?
I agree with this. He will be there for support. Luckily he does want to be in there with me and after talking to other dads is actually excited to see everything happen.
It sounds like y'all have already worked this out between the two of you. If so, good for you. I don't understand it, but it has no bearing on me, so I don't really need to understand it. If both of y'all are satisfied, that's all that need be.
I'm not sure how old your DD is, but I would really consider what MandJS said about how a middle of the night labor/delivery is going to go for your family. I labored all night and into the next afternoon. My monkey is two and I know she couldn't handle the hospital for that long. It's likely your DD may need a break too. I would also consider a "worst case scenario" of an emergency c-section. Will DH go to the operating room with you or will he stay in the waiting room with DD? Just a few things to think about. I know DD needs to be at the hospital with you because there is no sitter, but I think you should plan ahead, just in case.
That is one of the cutest stories ever! Your DH sounds like mine. Mine has already come around to the whole thing though, has decided he wants to see.
OP, I do understand the situation with your daughter, but I cannot understand you not wanting your DH there or him not wanting to be there. I realize that's how it used to be done, but it just seems foreign to me. But, if you're good with it, you're good with it.
My DH has been in a delivery room and has passed out. For years, he worried until the minute I got pregnant. Now, you couldn't pay him to not be there.
This... although if my husband ever said that he would be out the friggin door. I don't care how squeamish someone is. This is a very important moment. If the pass out, they pass out but they should at least TRY to be there.
This is also probably a UO but would be irritated if my husband didn't want to look because he "didn't want to remember what it looked like". I'm not going to force my husband to look but his excuse can't be because it's gross... it would have to be that he feels like passing out. I refuse to be made to feel like my vagina must look pristine at all times for him to want to ever have sex with me again.
My DH won't be there with me because he is in Afghanistan. Thankfully he was able to be there for the birth of our daughter. I wish he could be in the room when our son is born. My Mom will be with me instead. I can't imagine not having a support person with you when you have your baby.
But, if you are truly ok with your DH not being there, then that is your decision. I just wouldn't be ok with it.
So, he'd rather not be with you, supporting you if something were to happen? Say something happens with the baby, he'd rather be sitting in a waiting room and informed later than be there with you and with his child. Sorry, but I find that ridiculously selfish and that would NOT fly with me, not for a second.