4.5 yrs old and STILL having complete MELTDOWNS!

angelrue522 · October 2012

DS has always been a little "spirited". His behavior has got a lot better but we still deal with out of control tantrums at least 4 days a week. This morning it was because he didnt get to poor the mouthwash into the cup himself becasue daddy did it. Screaming tantrum lasted 45 minutes and I was late for work. Anything can set him off. Do your LO's still have tantrums? When will it end? and advice?

njbride0603 · October 2012

I just posted about this

My DD had one last night over a movie...ridiculous! I hate seeing her like that and I don't know how to handle it or maybe the way I've been handling it isn't the best. I'm looking for advice too.

KathrynMD · October 2012

hmmm - interesting. My DD has always been fairly mellow, but we've had 2 awful public meltdowns in the last week. One where we had to actually leave a birthday party b/c she freaked out over sharing a stool and another time b/c we told her she couldn't go to a playground. Honestly, I just picked her up and walked out. She's way too strong now and she needs to get that Mama and Daddy make the final decision. We can negotiate and find an alternate, but you are not in charge, no matter how much you scream.

VTbride05 · October 2012

DS has been full of meltdowns like we have never seen before.

I blame it on him being so good at preschool. I am glad that he is a perfect angel there, but boy we are seeing behaviors I have only read about!

roxy_jj · October 2012

DD is 5 and has recently started having meltdowns again. Before her recent episodes, I can't remember the last time she had a meltdown. She has also been really sensitive and emotional lately. I hope the meltdowns end soon for both of us!

wheelsonthebus · October 2012

uconnhuskie007:
DD is 5. (just turned) shes a girl of extremes. extremely sensitive, exteremely loving/affectionate, etc. Shes had 2 meltdowns already today. One, because she couldnt hold my hand, and 1 because she couldnt sit in my lap (i was "helping parent" at her school today and had to tend to other kids at the time). Meltdowns, or "drama" as weve come to refer to it, are a regular, and very annoying occurance at my house. I sometimes lose my temper, lately more than ever as a result which makes me feel guilty and sad. But, i can only take so much. Im tired of the meltdowns, just completely 'over" them...

I'm in the same boat. I'm glad I'm not alone. I posted about my DS a couple of days ago. He meltsdown all the time. It's rare to not have a meltdown during the day. I try so hard to remain completely calm, but some weeks he just melts down all day long and by the end of the week I'm tired of it. My DS is 3.5

Anlg · October 2012

I read "No more meltdowns" by Jed Baker based on a Dr's recommendation. It is a very quick read and presents different difficult situations with tips on how to address the issues. It is not all new information from what we read on these boards but I learned a few tricks that have helped us with our 5 year old.

Luckily we have not really dealt with public tantrums. However (bold on purpose), we dealt with tantrums and terrible bedtime for a very long time. It was so exhausting, frustrating, sad. I would feel guilty because I just did not know what else to do. Things have improved.

Good luck!

anonsouthernbell · October 2012

You might want to look into possible food triggers or check out the book, raising your spirited child.

ilovemygirls · October 2012

I was always told 4 was the holy grail after the 'threenage' era. Um, no. Not for us. My oldest was always my tantrum girl- long, horrible ones.Luckily, they were mostly at home & not in public. I would put her in her room & tell her she could come out when she calmed down since I was not going to have her freaking out in the middle of the house & disturbing the rest of the family. I think her record was around 2.5 hrs.

Honestly her meltdowns didn't get better until she started kindergarten. It seems like she really 'grew up' at that point, and they just became much fewer. Now at age 8, it's extremely rare. She is still my drama queen & gets her sassy on regularly, but she's also super bright, funny, sweet & active in lots of different activities. She's perfect at school- always has been. All I can say is, with some kids it just takes more time. It suuuucks though, I totally empathize.

Jen&Len · October 2012

We still get them on a daily basis. He has always been very spirited and sensitive and a lot of it is just faking it to try to get what he wants. I try to give a lot of advance warning for things and I'll do the 5 minute countdown which sometimes works. Apparently, he's an absolute angel at preschool and Sunday school. They all say he is one of the best behaved kids in the class. Sits quietly and does everything he's asked without issue. I guess he saves it all for home!

NicoleWI · October 2012

Darn! No advice, but sad to see this b/c age 3.5 has been rough and I was really hoping we'd be totally done with meltdowns soon. Looks like that won't necessarily be the case.

Princess_Lily · October 2012

We are prone to meltdowns in public on occasion, rarely at home but they do occur. DS is very intelligent and has realized if he tantrums enough, he will get his way - he does push people beyond the average child, he is very spirited.

If we need to leave a store/class:

I tell him its time to go, say, "Bye bye!". Now if he doesn't want to and kicks his heels in to stay, I take him outside and away from others (to prevent nosy staring, etc.) and explain how we are waiting until he is ready to go. Then, we will wait until he is ready to leave - but he must sit/stand in a spot (no wandering or playing). I then ignore the tantrum and wait...in about 3-5min. he does willingly go. I give him time to calm down emotionally and make the decision to go himself.

If he isn't following the rule(s) of an activity:

He has to step away from the activity, and take a break. He cannot do something else, he cannot engage in another activity he wants...he has to stop everything and take a break. Once he is ready to participate again, he can continue to do the activity until its completed.

At home:

Give them options. If DS wants to wear the stripped shirt with the polka dot pants - I let him. Give them the ability to make choices where they can and be consistant. The only time we put him in timeouts are for uncontrollable outbursts (hyperventalating/phyiscal tests of will).

It is now a month in this new "frame of mind" and seems to help everyone stay focused and calm...which is what he needs.

When the tantrum is over - we do sit down and talk about feelings and why he acted the way he did ("Are you sad? Why are you sad?") Since we have given in so much to this behavior (its easier to give in to a child IMO, than to say No.) it will take some time and energy on our part to address this - but with time it will get better as long as we are consistent.

Recently we an uncontrollable tantrum. After he calmed down, I asked him what was wrong, and why he acted the way he did...He told me his belly and his butt hurt - he needed to use the bathroom in public but didn't tell me, he didn't feel well. So, sometimes there could be reasons for the outbursts/tantrums...but you need to help them also talk about these issues in a socially acceptable way too.

https://www.nasponline.org/resources/behavior/tantrums_ho.aspx

Seems to be temper tantrums can go into 4yo.

W.E.2/12/05 · October 2012

Oh wow! I am not the only one! Do we have the same child?

I normally don't post but the only time I have posted is about the EXACT same issue. Seriously, I felt compelled to respond because I am in the same place as you. In our case, it's literally every other day there's a tantrum going on. I have a 3 yo DD and I swear she is more mature than he is cooperates, listens, doesn't get upset over little things.

I don't have any ideas for you because as you know they are like a total different person when they are upset. It's almost like the text book rules don't really apply as they are just hard to manage.

If you want to chat, feel free to Pm me and at least I can vent with you. :

Hang in there mama!

iluvbillynollie · October 2012

Yes, our DD just turned 4 last month, and her tantrums have actually gotten much worse. I am a teacher and was home with her this summer, then she started school with me in August. Since she started pre k at my school, she has not been napping at school, not eating as well, and her behavior is bad, like off the charts. Of course she is great at school, but with me forget it. Anything and everything sets her off, and she is so argumentative and just plain mean and nasty sometimes. I am totally overwhelmed and exhausted, and can't really handle it anymore. I teach kindergarten, so I deal with little ones all day and then come home to her and my 19 month old who has also reached his age of starting little tantrums.

I am trying to read books, and called her pedi even who referred me to a behavioral specialist, but they were no help. I am at my wits end so I definitely feel your pain. I keep researching things on the Internet but now m so scared that she may have some emotional issues or spd or something else.

Want a personalized experience?

4.5 yrs old and STILL having complete MELTDOWNS!

Re: 4.5 yrs old and STILL having complete MELTDOWNS!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards