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March 2013 Moms
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Was it too much to hope that my family would want to celebrate...

happy_un-bridehappy_un-bride member
in March 2013 Moms

DH and I chose not to get married; so I've not had a wedding, a bridal shower or anything else.  We are now expecting our first (and only) child.  Since there's never really been a milestone to celebrate in my life (my sister had a wedding, and baby, my brother has had 2 weddings), I just thought my family might jump at the opportunity to celebrate this with me.  I'm not the type of person that really wanted a shower anyways, but was just caught off guard when they flat out told me that they don't want to host one.

Oh well, my DH's family cares so much, they are having 2 showers for me.  One of the hosts has offered to include my family, but I'm just not sure I want to at this point.  Nothing spiteful or anything, they just don't really fit in with the rest of the guests at this shower.

*** DS born February 21, 2013 - Toronto, Canada  ***
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Re: Was it too much to hope that my family would want to celebrate...

  • MonsterBean3815MonsterBean3815 member
    I'm really sorry you are going thru this with your family. Sounds completely sh!tty on their part. What was their reasoning behind not wanting to do it?
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  • DeannaSue84DeannaSue84 member

    I am so sorry your family doesn't seem excited and not wanting to throw you a shower or assist. I am going to throw this out there (this is just a question and does not mean I agree with it), do you think your family doesn't want to throw you a shower/seem excited because you and your SO are not married? I know some people believe couples should be married before having a child. Not sure if this is the case with your family.

    Try to not let it stress you out and just let your family know that it is really important to you that they attend your shower that your SO's family is throwing.

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  • Licia&WayneLicia&Wayne member

    That's a bummer, happy, and I'm sorry that they're being such buttholes about it.

    I would definitely consider having them on the invite list for a shower, though. I mean, maybe they just don't want to put together the celebration, but would come party down otherwise. Who knows? I'd leave the door open.

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  • happy_un-bridehappy_un-bride member
    imageDeannaSue84:

    I am going to throw this out there (this is just a question and does not mean I agree with it), do you think your family doesn't want to throw you a shower/seem excited because you and your SO are not married? I know some people believe couples should be married before having a child. Not sure if this is the case with your family.

    That is not an issue... DH and I have been together longer than my siblings and their spouses.  Heck, my brother has been thrrough 2 marriages in the time DH and I have been together.  We're not religious, so this is not an issue.

    I'm alright with all of it anyway, but it just caught me off guard.

    *** DS born February 21, 2013 - Toronto, Canada  ***
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  • oliversmom03oliversmom03 member
    So sorry that they are being this way. My relationship is very similar to this with my side of the family, so I just don't talk to them at all. I am my mother's only daughter, and she has never agreed to host a shower for me. She only asks when I'm tying my tubes. She treats me like a child, and like I should be on teen mom or something. lol I am almost 30. So, I have just decided to exclude them from my life, bc it's better for me and my kiddo's. My DH has an amazing family, and they have done a great JOB of filling the void I need for family. Your DH's fam sounds like they are doing the same. Good for them. Good Luck with your family, and I hope they come to their senses soon, bc if not, you are the decision maker for that child, and you don't have to let the baby see them!
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  • Daisy4363Daisy4363

    I know exactly how you feel! My mother decided she does not want to throw me a shower either and I am her only daughter, this is my first child and will be her first and only grandchild. So yesterday I got an email from my MIL asking if there was any word of a shower. I had talked to my mom about it before, and she made it very clear she thought a shower was a waste of time and money. So before I said anything toMIL, I told my mom that MIL had asked and I thought she would want to throw me one but I was giving her first honors, and she said NO. So now my MIL is throwing me one and my mom is acting very negative about it. She said she will not attend the "in-law" shower it should just be for emy in-laws and their family...WTF!

     It sucks and it leaves a sting, but let your in-laws throw you one. Put your family on the list, it is their choice to be a part of it or not, don't let it ruin the excitement for you or anyone else that is happy to do this for you. Good luck to you! 

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  • happy_un-bridehappy_un-bride member
    imageDaisy4363:

    Put your family on the list, it is their choice to be a part of it or not, don't let it ruin the excitement for you or anyone else that is happy to do this for you. Good luck to you! 

    I know my MIL has offered to include my family in the shower, but I don't think its fair to her to have to accomodate that many more people.  Without my family, she'll likely host in her house, but if we include my family she'll have to rent a venue.

    I guess I'll leave it up to my MIL.

    *** DS born February 21, 2013 - Toronto, Canada  ***
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  • Anne MommyAnne Mommy member

    My mom told me that her friends and most of our fmaily would only host a bridal shower not a baby shower. Since DH and I got married at the courthouse a month before DS was born, we didn't have the big wedding that she wanted. DH has a really small family (one sister, no cousins) so I didn't expect them to do anything.

    I wouldn't invite people that wouldn't get along with everyone else. Enjoy the shower you have and ignore the people that don't want to celebrate.

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  • jinnymbjinnymb member

    I'm sorry you are going through this. I would be hurt and upset as well.  Especially after I assume you participated in your sister's wedding and baby shower etc..

    I would give your MIL the total list of people to invite on your side including your family and friends.  I'm sure the rest of your family would expect someone would be throwing one for you.

    Try to enjoy it and accept the generosity of your in-laws.  I would express your hurtfulness to your mother and sister though.  Not in the terms of I am owed a shower, but that you have celebrate everyone elses big moments and you feel like they are not excited for you.

    Good luck and I hope you have a joyous shower from your in-laws and lots of fun!!



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