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September 2012 Moms
Natural Birth Turned Csection Birth (PIP)
Mobile Users: Natural Birth Turned Traumatic Csection Birth (PIP)
I'm pretty sure I'm one of the last to finally post their birth story, but it's been kind of therapeutic to write this, so I've been doing so in small doses, usually crying as I do so. If I could take one positive thing from my birth experience (besides an awesome baby!) it would be that I realized the immeasurable value of having a provider that you completely trust to make the right decisions. I had wanted a natural birth, and not only did I not receive anything that I wanted, I also had procedures done that I would not have preferred to receive. But I knew, because I trusted the midwives at my practice, that she would not be doing anything unless my baby absolutely needed it (in fact, their low csection rate was one of the first things they bragged about during my first appointment with them), and have no regrets about how anything turned out.
Prodromonal labor started on Monday, the 8th, around 9 o? clock. The contractions stayed irregular and relatively painless through the night and to the next day. Around noon on Tuesday, they stopped. I figured I had been experiencing false labor and was a little disappointed. Thankfully, about two hours later, they picked back up at the same intensity as before, but a little farther apart. Since they had already stopped once, I was convinced that it would happen again. I didn?t even want to call my family again and get their hopes up, so I labored at home, the whole time insisting to my boyfriend that it wasn?t the real thing.
Finally, around 11 o? clock, the intensity was extreme. I was planning on going med-free and was getting pretty discouraged. I really wanted to go to the hospital, but I knew it didn?t make any difference if I didn?t want medicine, so I kept putting it off, because my contractions were irregular. My boyfriend eventually pressured me to call my midwife and ask what I should do. I had a contraction while on the phone with her, which I think pushed her to tell me to come in, even though my contractions were still not regular. Not to mention, I was GBS+ and needed my antibiotics. We got packed up and my grandmother came and took us to the hospital.
We arrived around 1 am. My pain was terrible. I was having a hard time breathing and was just trying to vocalize to keep myself from screaming and to keep my breathing even. By this point, I was really starting to consider ditching the natural route, but I told myself I would wait until I could get into a shower. It had really helped at home, so I still felt like I might have a shot if I could just move around and get under the hot water.
My exam in triage showed that baby was having non-reassuring variables in his heart rate. I was already 4 cm dilated, so they admitted me, but they said I would be stuck on a fetal monitor until baby stopped having variables. They got my hep-lock in and started my antibiotics. I was not there long (maybe fifteen minutes) when my midwife came in and explained that she was concerned about baby?s heart rate. She said he was still having decels when I had a contraction and was showing signs of cord compression. She put me on oxygen and had me lay on my side. I had to be coached through my contractions, because it was becoming really important that I continue taking good, deep breaths to keep baby oxygenated.
Next thing I know, my nurse and midwife start moving really fast. They are saying in rushed voices that baby?s heart rate has dropped and wasn?t coming back up. They tell me and my family that they are calling for an emergency c-section. They quickly usher everyone out except my boyfriend, who is looking completely dumbstruck and terrified. There is a huge rush of people in the room. They are flipping me over and examining me (I find out later that they are breaking my water and placing an internal monitor on the baby, but I didn?t even notice). They give me medicine to slow down my contractions, which makes my heart start pounding and racing. People are getting really close to my face to ask me about blood transfusions and anesthesia risks, and I?m just trying to keep calm and reassure my boyfriend that everything was going to be okay, because he was almost in tears.
And then, as quickly as it started, everything suddenly calmed down. Baby?s heart rate had come back up and I was no longer in an emergent situation. My midwife explained that baby was not tolerating labor well and that she was concerned about my ability to birth him naturally. We decided that I would go ahead and get an epidural just in case I needed a csection, so that I could definitely be awake and my boyfriend present. They call the anesthesiologist. Unfortunately, when they sat me up to give me the epidural, baby went into distress once again, no more than 30 minutes or so after the first time. Another emergency was called. I was frustrated because of how close I had come to being able to be awake, only for it to seemingly get taken away again, and being put to sleep was the only thing that was really scary to me about everything. But thankfully, once again, his heart rate came back up.
Once everything calmed down, my midwife explained that she really felt like a vaginal labor was not going to happen. She recommended that we opt for a csection so that it doesn?t have to happen during an emergency and risk baby?s safety. She offered to let us think about it, but at that point, I had already had two emergencies called, and we had only been at the hospital for less than an hour. I agreed that it just didn?t seem like it was going to happen naturally, so I consented to a csection and they got everything started. I didn?t even get the chance to see my family before they wheeled me to the operating room, and my boyfriend was left with a stack of scrubs and instructions to wait in the room until someone came to retrieve him.
Keep in mind, my contractions are just getting more intense as everything is happening. By this point, I can?t just breathe through contractions, and am just trying to use my yelling to let the air out in an even pace. The baby was pressing on my tailbone, so I couldn?t allow my leg to completely settle, or it intensified my pain exponentially. They got me back to the OR and got ready to place my spinal block. They told me that because I couldn?t sit up, I would have to curl up in a ball with my legs together in order to place my catheter. The baby?s heart rate is still dropping dangerously low, and these people are telling me that I have to curl up into the most excruciating position possible and hold completely still. I screamed and cried through the entire procedure. It was awful, but it was only going to get worse.
My spinal started to kick in and they had me lay back to get the drapes placed. Almost immediately, baby responded poorly and people started yelling and moving really quickly. I was suddenly terrified that my boyfriend was going to be forgotten and I was going to have to go through this alone. Also, my body started to have a reaction to the spinal, and my upper body started shaking uncontrollably. I couldn?t keep my arms still and my jaw clenched painfully. It was awful. I was so uncomfortable, and I knew from reading others? birth stories that csections can take over an hour, so all I could think was that I would have to bear this for what seemed like an eternity.
My boyfriend was eventually brought in. We sat in silence until finally, a couple hours after arriving at the hospital, my son, Jaxon, was born at 4:40am. They brought him over to us. My boyfriend was overcome, and I could only manage to react outwardly as I thought I should, which was with an ?Aw? and smiles. I did not cry. I didn?t care. I was so uncomfortable and miserable, I just wanted it to be over. My boyfriend left with Jaxon to go to the nursery, and I continued to not be able to think about anything other than praying for this feeling to be over.
When the operation was finally done, they wheeled me into a recovery room, where I was soon joined by my mother, boyfriend, and son. They both encouraged me to take him, hold him, bond with him. I couldn?t. I handed him back. I was still trembling terribly, my legs being numb was making my skin crawl, and I just still felt awful. I told them I would hold him when I was ?normal? again. They finally got me to my postpartum room. By this point, it had been a couple of hours after his birth. I still had no desire to hold him. I was not overcome with emotion about his arrival. I was not even particularly happy. Just uncomfortable and frustrated. My mother knew I wanted to breastfeed and forced me to hold him to my breast, as the nurses were becoming concerned about how long it had been. I could only allow him to half-attempt to latch on for a few seconds before I handed him back. I just wanted to sleep until the shaking and the numbness went away.
When I finally woke up, I felt refreshed and normal again. I had them bring Jaxon in and started the beginning of a successful (so far) breastfeeding relationship. My recovery was easy and while I had a rough start, I am falling more in love with my little boy every day. Unfortunately, though, his respiration rate was a cause for concern. On my son?s second day of life, I had to send him off to have a spinal tap. He also had two chest Xrays and two IV ports placed in his tiny arms. After four days of tests, blood work, cultures and exams, they finally decided that my son had pneumonia caused by my GBS, which I never received my second dose of antibiotics for because of my emergency csection. My son had to be hospitalized (though thankfully, not in the NICU) for a seven day round of antibiotics, though they are telling us that he will be perfectly fine and can go home after the seventh day.
Which is where we are now. I am rooming in with my son to continue my breastfeeding with him while he receives two rounds of antibiotics a day, one at noon, one at midnight. We are set to be released on Thursday (October 18th), eight days after his birth. At this point, my world is completely turned upside down. I never thought that this is how it would feel to be a parent, and I love it. But on the other hand, I?m completely exhausted. I?ve been in a hospital for almost a week. I?m recovering from major surgery. My son is sick, and it?s all extremely overwhelming.
But I know everything will be fine and we will be home with our son soon enough. So if you made it this far, I offer this picture of my beautiful son as reward.
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Re: Natural Birth Turned Csection Birth (PIP)
Hang in there mama! Everything is going to work out with Jaxton.
Sorry it wasn't like you planned. Mine wasn't either and I had to have a c section. Recovery hasn't been bad. Hope the same for you!
He is such a cutie.
I completely understand where you're coming from, I had a very similar birth experience as well. The problem though with me was my reaction to the epidural, and when my bp bottomed out as a result, DS's heart rate reacted poorly.
I wound up being put under general anesthesia - in some ways it's a blessing that I missed all of the craziness, since I'm sure I would have been an anxious mess. I can't imagine being in that kind of pain/discomfort that you described and being conscious of everything. The only thing I wish was that I got to hear his first cries or meet him right away.
I do agree with what you said about bonding - with a crazy/scary experience like that, it feels surreal for a while before it really sinks in. At least that's how it worked for me.
He's a cutie, congrats!!!
Sometimes, I'm hilarious.