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Natural Birth
shanaynerz
member
When did people come see LO after the birth?
shanaynerz
member
Not sure if this is where I should ask about this, but hopefully you ladies can help! Oh and I'll be giving birth in a hospital, btw.
DH and I are planning a natural birth (that's why I'm here!) and after our baby is born we wanted skin-to-skin right away and to start BFing right away (if we can). I was planning on prolonging the bath even and her eye ointment and vitamin K shot.
Anyways, we were planning on only having our doula in the room with us during the first hour or so to help with BFing and stuff. Besides her we didn't want family or friends to come in yet. DH and I are also thinking we may be pretty emotional at seeing her for the first time after losing our twins, so we would like some alone time to allow for us being all emotional, too, you know?
My mom decided to tell us tonight that she was all upset and wants to see LO right away. We told her we have a birth plan and that we don't want people seeing LO right away. It has nothing to do with her or my dad or anyone, it's just what we feel is best for our daughter. I told her this and of course she says she understands with that undertone of her being angry. I love my mom and do want her to be there or close by. Her and my dad will be the first family members to see her anyway! I'm such a people pleaser so this is really hard for me.
Okay, I guess my question is really what did you all do after LO was born? When did people generally come in? Did you have family wait in the waiting room while you were in labour, or just have people come when you were ready for them to meet LO? Just want to get perspective on what others have done in this situation.
Thank you for your advice! You deserve cookies for making it this far. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: When did people come see LO after the birth?
Bottom line: whatever you and your husband feel most comfortable doing is the right answer. Your family and friends will just have to get over it. I know this is easier said than done, but you deserve to make every effort to achieve the kind of birth experience you hope for, and that includes those precious moments after your little one is born.
For both of my births, with the exception of my parents, no one even knew we were in the hospital until after baby was born and we were ready for visitors. My parents were in the know because we wanted it that way. There were others who had their feelings hurt, I'm sure, but we knew we had to do it this way to preserve our birth experience. There was a key person who we had good reason to fear would not have respected our boundaries and barged in whether or not we were ready and so we just decided to keep the news to ourselves until we were ready for visitors. It was great!
Thanks for your post! We have a small waiting room here and we only stay in one room the whole time. We stay for 24 hrs generally, too, with a normal birth. I don't actually know about visiting hours. I'll ask my doula. When we lost the twins, my parents came the night before until around 9pm. They returned the next morning after having (and losing) them, probably around 9am I'd say, and my brother came by, too. We don't plan on having other people coming over until we're ready. My mom just really wants to be present and she sounded like she was making it about her and what she wants and it's just really hard b/c we're so close.
Honestly I forget how much time passed after DS1 was born before family came in, but it wasn't long. It was all a little blurry and maybe more rushed and 'busy' than I wanted, though I didn't realize until after the fact. DD was born at 4 am and family didn't come until 10 or 11 am, so we had a fair bit of time with her alone, and it was really nice. DS2 was born at 7:20 at a birth center, and no one came there to visit us. We got home around noon where my mom and sister were waiting (and watching the LOs), and we had some more visitors throughout the day. Again, it was nice to have that time with LO.
Do what you and DH want/need to do. Asking for an hour or two after LOs birth to recover and bond is certainly not unreasonable! And remember that once LO is here, your mom wont have any hurt or angry feelings about having to wait a bit. If nothing else, just don't call family until LO is born and you're ready for visitors!
Whatever you and DH decide is what goes. I know we were told during our maternity tour that nurses LOVE to keep people out of the room if they're not wanted, so tell the nurses your wishes.
I had an epi for my first birth, so I was pain free and relaxed, and had visitors throughout the day (big mistake). I should have rested. My mom and SIL and DH were in the room for the delivery, and they did hold DD right away after we did. My dad and an enterage of friends and family were in the waiting room, and came in after we were done BFing, and before the bath. Another BIG mistake. I was overwhelming. I enjoyed their enthusiasm and their love, but it was way too much. I felt completely on display and a little uncomfortable that DD was being passed around so soon away from me.
This time, I will have the same people in the room, and they will of course hold DS, but I think we'll skip the in-room baby visiting until I actually get to a PP room in Mommy-Baby.
My parents will likely know when we're hospital bound since we'll be dropping our dog off with them on the way over (they live nearby). DH's in an only child so to say that his parents are beyond excited about their first grandbaby is a HUGE understatement. They'd hang out just beyond the door to our room if we let them so our plan is to just call them after the baby is born and when we know we'll be ready for company since they'll be speeding over the moment they hang up the phone.
Honestly, I don't know how ANYONE could be upset if you told them that you'd call them as soon as you're up for visitors.
My parents were in the hospital during all three of my sister's births and that was the absolute last thing I wanted. My sister had epidurals with all her deliveries and I knew my parents could not comprehend my decision to go natural so I didn't want any negativity. Although they were more than a little taken aback, I told them I would call
AFTER I had the baby and they would be the first to know then. Any hard feelings were quickly forgotten once they saw DD.
For ds2, we had a homebirth and my family came to visit about 12 hours after again.
Stand your ground. There is no reason anyone needs to be there immediately. She will still be a tiny new baby a few hours later. Spending some alone time with your child is a big deal, though, if that is important to you.
If you think this is going to be an issue, do not tell her when you are in labour. Do not give her the opportunity to sit outside your room for hours and barge in when the baby is born. There is no reason she needs to be sitting at the hospital, building up excitement and anxiety and anticipation. Call her when you are ready for visitors and not a minute sooner. If she gives you a hard time, just say that the contractions were so intense that picking up the phone was the last thing on your mind. This is YOUR birth. Repeat that to yourself as many times as necessary.
We are really struggling with this as well. My parents will be watching DS for us and we want him in the delivery room ASAP after LO is born, however we want some alone time with just DS, DH, LO and myself- but it feels SO rude to tell my parents to drive to the hospital (45 min drive), wait til LO is born, then leave. Blah! Its so hard! However, I know they will completely understand!
It is such a personal choice. You cannot let her make you feel bad and give in. This is a moment that happens once. Stand your ground!
I am a people pleaser, too, and it's hard for me to disappoint people. But the thing I've learned is that in most cases disappointment about things like this is fleeting. My dad was hurt when we told him that we didn't want anybody waiting in the hospital while I was delivering our twins; he had this vision of being a proud grandpa in the waiting room and nurses coming out and saying "Congrats, you're a grandfather!" That was just what was in his mind, and it's totally understandable that he was bummed to learn that was not what we wanted. But we stood our ground and he let it go and now, honestly, I don't even think he remembers that it was ever a question or an issue. My advice is to honor and respect the disappointment your mother feels, but to stick with what you know is best anyway. The whole thing will blow over.
With ds, I was opting for an unmedicated birth (worked out, yay). I had no idea how long it would take (22hrs in my case). I did not want to feel the pressure of people "waiting" on me. Also, I was not sure how i would react with the pain didnt want to be rude to anyone or feel pressured into letting someone in last minute. I only wanted DH in the room.
The decision we made was to let our families know when i was admitted to the hospital (waited until i was sure i was staying). This was their request. I did not want anyone to come to the hospital or call me. All correspondence went through dh. Beforehand, we let our families know we would call when I was transferred to a pp room and we were ready for visitors. I figured if we called after the birth, we had at least awhile before they would arrive. Our hospital had family time following the birth. We were left in the delivery room completely alone for over an hour. Nobody came into the room, not even someone to empty the trash. it was wonderful.
As luck would have it, ds was born at 9:33p.m. (after visiting hours). So, our families did not come to visit ds until the next morning. We had plenty of time to do skin to skin and bf before anyone arrived.
This!
With DD, we had interesting circumstances since she came early and DH's entire family was on vacation. Mine live 2000 miles away so they weren't there either. A few friends came to visit about 5 hours later. We didn't have many visitors at all and went home 24 hours later.
This time will be different as they will be home, but we also are delivering at a different hospital. Hospital policy is that only mom and dad can be in the room after baby born. Any additional support people during labor are kicked out for at least 2 hours. Depending on the time of day, we will call the grandparents and let them know when she is born. We will then call back an hour or two after I get settled into my recovery room and let them know that they then can come and visit.
Trying for #2 since July 2010
BFP 8/1/10, missed m/c, D&C 9/15/10.
BFP 1/8/11, chemical pregnancy.
BFP 3/4/11, measured behind all along, no more HB 4/18/11. D&C 4/29/11. HCG didn't drop, Repeat D&C 6/17/11; confirmed molar pregnancy 6/23/11.
Forced break, including two Hysteroscopies in October to remove retained tissue.
BFP 12/29/11! Betas @ 10 dpo = 85, 14 dpo= 498, 22 dpo = 7242
Heard HB 1/24/12. 144 bpm!
Luca Rose born 9/9/12! More than worth the wait!
DS1 was born midday and we had family at the hospital while I laboured. They all held and met DS the same hour he was born, not sure exactly how long after.
DS2 was born in the wee hours, so only DH around (who obviously held him right away). Family came the next morning to visit.
I was happy for my mom, my MIL and everyone else to meet babes right away.
That is a REALLY wonderful idea! Thank you!
You have to do what's right for you. I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital at all. In fact, I didn't tell anyone I was in labor except my mother who was flying 1000 miles to come and help with the baby. She ended up arriving about an hour after my DS was born and was waiting in my recovery room.
That was nice because she could hold my DS while I showered and got into clean pj's. Other than her I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital. Unfortunately my DH insisted his mom and step-father come and the whole time she was there I wanted to scream at her to give me my baby back and to get out of my room. I was very possessive of my son and barely let my own mother hold him unless I was in a situation where I couldn't (i.e. shower, toilet, changing clothes).
We had other visitors once we got home and that was completely against my wishes. I wanted to wait a few days so I could rest and so that the baby wouldn't be touched by bunches of people. My DH felt it was wrong to turn family away when they asked to come. We actually had a few fights about it and we literally only fight once every 3-4 years.
This time I'm going to do one of the signup websites and if you want to see us and the baby you have to sign up for a time slot. That way I can limit the number of people a day and the day they start to arrive. DH will also be more understanding after watching how long it took me to heal from my tear and after my doctor scolding me for being out of bed during the first week (I had some issues with sporadic hemorrhaging)
DD1 was born at 9:15 p.m. and all of our family lives 4 hours away. No one came until about noon the next day, and it was wonderful to have so much alone time. We didn't call anyone - even our parents - until after she was born. If anyone's feelings were hurt, I didn't really care. It's not about anyone else but me, DH and baby.
I can't fathom dealing with family members who think they have a right to be there right away - or even during the birth. Who do they think they are?
Whatever you want is what people should do. Then, those people should get over it. This is an extremely important day for your family.
I gave birth in a hospital, where we were allowed as many people as we wanted to visit in Labor and Delivery. I had a HUGE delivery suite with a small living area that was behind a curtain. Originally I thought only my husband and would be there when my daughter was born. But then my parents drove through the night to be with me, and when I saw my mom, dad, and sister, I could not bear to throw them out of the room at such a special time. My dad stayed behind the curtain, but my mom and sister were right there and gave my husband and I our space. They all left shortly after my daughter was born and we had an hour or so to ourselves.
The bottom line is this: Everyone should be respectful of your family during this time. AND you are allowed to change your mind as many times as you want.
Good luck! Try reminding your mom of her own birth experience and asking her how she would have felt if someone had tried to make her do something she didn't want to do. Hopefully she will understand!
This is something my DH and I feel very strongly about! We feel it is so important for us to spend time together as a brand new family of three for a couple of hours before everyone else stops by. We aren't planning on telling anyone we're even at the hospital until after the delivery is over. I'm told that after a couple of hours, they'll move me and the baby from the recovery room to the mommy and baby room- at that time, we'll call family to let them know the good news.
I know that my mother and grandmother (who is flying in for the birth) will be hurt by this and will not really understand it, but they have each had their time as new parents and did what they felt was best for them. This is our special bonding time as a new family and you never get that time back again.