#2 on the way and worried about doing bedtime alone!

EmilyStL · October 2012

Our second baby is due in June, and I am up in the middle of the night worried how bedtime is going to go with 2. DD will be about 28mos when the baby is born. My DH works evenings and will be gone at bedtime 5 nights a week. Currently, we bedshare with DD part-time on a mattress in her bedroom. I lie down with her or rock her until she falls asleep, and sometimes I fall asleep too (she has a late-ish bedtime), and if she cries in the middle of the night, I get back in bed with her (no biggie for DH do do this instead of me, provided he's home). Lately she's been going down easily, but there are still days when it takes me an hour to get her to sleep. 20 minutes is probably average. I'm just not sure how I will do bedtime with her once a baby is in the mix, nor do I know how I'll put the baby to bed when I have to supervise her. Seriously, how do bedsharing, non-CIO people do this?

Also, is it dangerous for a toddler to sleep with an infant if mother is between them and/or the infant is in a cosleeper or sidecar crib?

Thanks. I know it'll fall into place, I'm just worried and think it'll help to hear others' experiences.

Still free to be me · October 2012

DD1 was 34 months when DD2 was born. The first two weeks were really hard. DH was around, so he was able to help some, but DD1 just wanted to be with me, even when I was putting DD2 to bed. I remember laying with DD2, looking at DD1 as she watched me with the saddest expression on her face. We are tandem nursing (although DD1 only nurses for about 30 seconds at bedtime.) I had a hard time, too because I really missed cuddling with DD1 and was grieving that loss when I had to spend so much of the night helping the baby sleep.

After the first couple weeks, we got into a better routine and bedtime started going more smoothly. Now, it is much easier than I expected. Bedtime used to be my least favorite time of the day, but now it is actually really nice.

We have a giant family bed. Before the baby was born, DD usually slept in between DH and me on our king sized bed. We had the crib sidecarred so she could sleep in it (or I would sleep 1/2 way in it so I would have enough space. Really, it's main purpose was to act as a bed rail.

When the baby was born, we moved a twin sized bed between the crib and the king. DD1 sleeps in the king bed where she did before the baby was born. The baby sleeps on the twin (which has a much firmer mattress than the king.) I move back and forth between the twin and king. When the baby needs to nurse or I am worried that she is cold, I'll cuddle up with her. When she is solidly asleep and DD1 is a little restless, I cuddle up with her. When both girls are sleeping well, I usually sleep on the king, simply because it is more comfortable.

nosoup4u · October 2012

You can sleep between them, if you go the cosleeping w both route. You might want to start changing her sleep routine, so instead of you lying next to her, you can sit nearby. That way you can hold/nurse the new baby if need be. DS1 got used to me doing that after his brother was born. I had nights on my own, and I'd always aim to have the older one asleep first.

No help with the wakeups, my younger son still does it, too. Hopefully she'll do it less when the baby's here!

jaymiegerard · October 2012

I'm worried about bedtime too... Glad to read others' responses!

ncbelle · October 2012

My DH also works nights and this was my biggest worry about going to 2! I won't lie - we had some rough bedtimes. But we found a rhythm fairly quickly. When E was a newborn, I would either nurse her while reading stories and just lay in the bed between them (moving E later) or I'd wear E to sleep and just stand in the room with C while he fell asleep.

EmilyStL · October 2012

Thanks, ladies. Glad I'm not the only one in this position! I agree that I probably need to start sitting next to the bed or something while DD falls asleep. I just love cuddling with her, it's so hard! It's also encouraging to know that I have safe options if I want to cosleep with both.

nosoup4u · October 2012

Also, always get jammies on everyone (including you) the second dinner is done, while everyone is still happy. It's much easier to just change a diaper before bed than trying to wrestle sad kids and babies into jammies!

myszko · October 2012

I'm nervous about 2 as well. We are due in March and DD is 20 months. We bedshare and I cuddle her to sleep every night. I'm trying to move farther away from her, but she always climbs over to me. Currently, I'm putting a big stuffed animal between us, and that's working ok. we tried to have DH put her to sleep, but she cried for me. I want to get her to go to sleep with DH so that when I'min the hospital, it's not her first time sleeping without me! It's a hard transition.

Aloe0l · October 2012

I'll let you know in a few weeks....

Though, DH will be around, but, DD is still pretty adamant about bedsharing with us and has some serious mommy radar most nights.

Angela814 · October 2012

I found in the beginning, DD2 didn't really have a "bedtime". She was often still napping when it was time to put DD1 down. If not, it really depended on the night. Some nights I would rock DD2 to sleep while DD1 looked at books quietly in her room. Then I could go in and lay down with DD1. Some times I would have to just sit in the room with DD1 and hold/nurse DD2 while DD1 fell asleep. I was only on my own for bedtime a couple times a week, so we didn't really ever have a set routine. I think I mostly put DD2 down first. It also helped that DD1 was 4yo so I could leave her room and come back, and she wouldn't be crying for me that whole time.

EmilyStL · October 2012

Angela814:
I found in the beginning, DD2 didn't really have a "bedtime". She was often still napping when it was time to put DD1 down. If not, it really depended on the night. Some nights I would rock DD2 to sleep while DD1 looked at books quietly in her room. Then I could go in and lay down with DD1. Some times I would have to just sit in the room with DD1 and hold/nurse DD2 while DD1 fell asleep. I was only on my own for bedtime a couple times a week, so we didn't really ever have a set routine. I think I mostly put DD2 down first. It also helped that DD1 was 4yo so I could leave her room and come back, and she wouldn't be crying for me that whole time.

All of this sounds pretty ideal! Hopefully I can make some of it work, even though my DD will be younger than yours was when #2 arrives.

Honestly, I have been thinking more about trying to bedshare with both, with the baby in the cosleeper and DD on the other side of me. I'm also finally starting to get serious about night weaning, and my husband has been dealing with nighttime wakeups whenever he can. Maybe (??) this will get her STTN by the time the new baby gets here.

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