I have no words other than to say that I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I'm an angel mama, too, and will be lighting candles tonight for National Pregnancy and Infant Loss day. I will light one specifically for your sweet Lillian. Many hugs and prayers for you and your family.
As others might have mentioned, there is a Loss board here on TB that might offer you the support you need right now.
Married my love 6/11/11 | MMC 10/11/11 | Eliza Frances born 9/18/12 | Rhett Garland born 2/24/14
Diagnosed with Severe Ashermans Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube #11 or IVF with scarring still inside? 1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
I am so sorry for your loss, I wish I had the right words to comfort you. I know nothing will make it better, please know that you and your family and your beautiful sweet Lillian are in my thoughts and prayers. I will light a candle for her and all the angel babies being grieved.
Orginal September 2012 Mom #1 Alice born 9/12 born after 2 1/2 years on infertility #2 Loss 12/15 Ttc #3
Oh love... I am so so sorry for your loss. ((HUGS)) Sending all my T&P's to you and your family. I know there is nothing that can be said do undo the hurt and pain - and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
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I was supposed to be a tired, stressed out, sleep deprived, baby blues having, lullaby singing, baby wearing, breastfeeding, gazing at my baby girl as she sleeps asking how did I help create such beauty mother...but I'm not.
Right now, I'm a post emergancy C-section, breast-pumping to donate her milk, grave visiting, baby grieving blues, gazing at her pictures, sitting in her room, reading some of her books, covering myself with her blankets, willing her to come to my dreams woman.
I was due on 9-17-12. I was one of those FTM's who went overdue and posted on the check-in posts. Every day, willing my body to show some sign of labor, but nothing came. I had finally conquered my fears of becoming a mother, but I was still scared as hell about everything relating to childbirth and then I found myself in the postion of having to be induced. I felt completely broken as a woman. Here I was, able to concieve and carry this life, but my body was unwilling to let her go.
I went in at 6pm on 9-26-12 to start the cervadil and on 9-27-12 at 4:12 p.m. My Sweet Angel Face Lillian Reid was born and took her last breath at 8:35 pm on 9-28-12. Her Father, Brother and I buried her on 10-6-12 and attended our first Angel Baby walk in her memory on 10-7-12. My entire babies life is summed up in nothing but dates and times.
I have yet to write her birth story and add pictures to it to share. I want to do those things...I want to be able to share and show you so you can read it and see her, just as I have for all of you. She was so beautiful...more than I even thought I was capable of helping create. She had hair, which I was amazed by because I didn't have heartburn. My pleas to her to stay small and have a small head were heard because she only weighed 6.13 and was 20.5 and her head was 11". She had my long fingers and nose and her brother's brow bones and lips. Which is amazing because he's her half-brother, so her Father's genes must be pretty strong.
She had all these things, but I never got to hear her cry. I never got to look into her eyes and see her register anything. I never got to smell her due to a sinus infection and swollen sinuses due to the crying. But I did get to hold her skin-to-skin and watch her Daddy do the same. I did get to touch her face, feel the softness of her hair and feel her body recognize my body and feel her breathing become regular and she didn't seize as much when she was against me. And I did get to have a beautiful photo session with her Father and I, that produced pictures we will cherish for a lifetime.
So tonight, at 7pm, will you light a candle for my sweet Angel Face, Lillian Reid Woodward and all the other Angel Babies that are no longer in this world? I know that I am not the only mother to an Angel on this board.
And even if I am jealous, I am truely happy for all of you...I promise.
I am so sorry for your loss and pray for you and your family. Thank you for having the courage to share this with us.
Wow. What a heartfelt letter. I wish you peace and send thoughts and prayers your way. Your sweet daughter's pictures are welcome on this board and we want you to know we support your journey. So many of us are thinking of you tonight and always.
Re: I was supposed to be one of you...
I have no words other than to say that I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I'm an angel mama, too, and will be lighting candles tonight for National Pregnancy and Infant Loss day. I will light one specifically for your sweet Lillian. Many hugs and prayers for you and your family.
As others might have mentioned, there is a Loss board here on TB that might offer you the support you need right now.
Married my love 6/11/11 | MMC 10/11/11 | Eliza Frances born 9/18/12 | Rhett Garland born 2/24/14
Kid #1 - 09/03/12
Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
#11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
#1 Alice born 9/12 born after 2 1/2 years on infertility
#2 Loss 12/15
Ttc #3
I am so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))
BFP #1 2-8-09 Natural M/C 6w1d 2-19-09
BFP #2 5-28-09 C/P 6-1-09
BFP #3 10-30-10 Natural M/C 12-8-10
BFP #4 1-16-12 EDD 9-18-12 Stick baby stick!!
I am so sorry for your loss and pray for you and your family. Thank you for having the courage to share this with us.