Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Angela814
member
Re: What I hate about sleep training
My mom has never understood our parenting philosophy and has asked me several times at what age we'll think it is appropriate to let our son cry...because at some point we'll want to end bed-sharing, and CIO in his own room in his bed is how that's done, right? I've heard so many times, "is it at 4 months that it is ok to leave your baby to cry?", "at 6 months?" etc etc
My mom still disapproves of the urgency with which I respond to my son, as though I am overburdening and inconveniencing myself while simultaneously creating a spoiled brat. :P
All of this.
DS started STTN at 2.5 yrs. He had some breathing issues that we think were preventing him from STTN (surgery fixed them) but even before that getting him to sleep was a long, long process.
Now we read a book in bed, I or DH sit on a chair next to his bed and hold his hand, and he is asleep in 5 mins. He STTN 5 or 6 nights a week and if he does wake up at 11pm or 3am he is usually pretty easy to get back to sleep.
It's very NORMAL for young children not to STTN. Some people luck out with good sleepers, some people sleep train and a lot of people don't talk about how their kids don't STTN.
I have been gravitating towards this board more and more. I do not like to see my daughter uncomfortable or crying. If she is crying, she must need something. Why is the need of physical closeness so "bad"? It is almost as if they hit a magical age and we go "no, you don't need a hug, you are spoiled". I am not into sleep training either. Pedi told me to CIO. DD is 4 mo, I won't. She sleeps like a baby: some nights are great, some are not.
I just hate the pressure to have an independent baby - I believe she'll do it when she's ready. Sorry, venting here!
We sleep trained because he wasn't sleeping. At all. No amount of rocking, cuddling, or soothing could get him to sleep. He was tired, cranky, and getting sick a lot. Since he hadn't needed to eat during the night since 3 months, that wasn't the issue and we tried EVERYTHING before we sleep trained. I think some people forget that uninterrupted sleep is good for the child, too.
Like the OP said, I am sure there are times when sleep training makes sense and is in the best interests of everyone involved. I just don't like that it is viewed as a mandatory step for everyone when that is not really the case.
I don't think most parents sleep train because they want to STTN. Like I said, sleep training is good for the child, too. I think most APers forget that AP is really about "meeting the child's needs". When I said that we were sleep training because he was "such and such age and needed to STTN", it's not because STTN was a milestone for that age that he needed to meet, it's because he was old enough to sleep train and needed to STTN. I don't actually know any parents who sleep trained because it was the right age.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
I am sure there are some, but I agree that isn't the case with most families. And I do agree with the OP that sleep training is something that is expected at a certain age just like weaning and starting solids and potty training.
I also think that sometimes babies cry because they are tired and need to go to sleep. So for the poster who was questioning the association between crying and sleep, here is how it worked for us. DD wanted to nurse ALL NIGHT LONG. I could not live with that. She cried because I upset her routine. It isn't so much that she had to cry in order to sleep, but that she cried because she didn't like the way I was doing it. I didn't care if she slept through the night. She still doesn't STTN. 2 or 3 wakings were fine by me, but 12 or more were not.
I think there are huge misconceptions on both sides of this issue. If you let your baby cry, you hate your baby and aren't meeting his needs! If you don't let your baby cry he'll never ever sleep. Neither statement is true and I'm pretty sure everyone falls somewhere in between. I needed to sleep. DD needed to sleep. We had to let her cry to do that. It was painful but brief, but now she adores her bed, her pillow, her lovies and we are all happy and rested.
That's what I hate about this argument. No one ever gives anyone the benefit of the doubt.
I think we are all basically in what my old boss would call "violent agreement" on this issue.
Bottom line, sleep train or don't sleep train; it is highly unlikely that anyone here is doing anything in this regard that will cause any damage to their kid. Both sides of the argument are way overblown and no solution is right for every family all the time. You know your kid better than any authors, pediatricians, or random posters on internet message boards do. Do what feels right to you.
I agree! My problem isn't that people choose to CIO but that they feel pressured to CIO. It's normal for babies to wake and certainly they don't need to be "trained" to sleep (and in any case there's lots one can do that promotes good sleep that doesn't involve leaving baby to cry alone). It's also a bogus argument that "waking is bad for babies" - ok, if you kid is waking up and staying up for hours at a time and therefore not getting enough sleep overall. But most babies wake to eat and go back to sleep or wake and need a bit of rocking and go back to sleep - adults wake in their sleep all the time!
In the end the issue is definitely with a society that seems to think babies should come out independent sleeping little creatures. Every family should make the choice that's best for them, should keep in mind what "normal" infant sleep is really like, and should never feel pressure to do something that goes against their gut instincts.
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
My family seems to think I am doing something wrong as well by "spoiling him". They define this spoiling as allowing him to sleep the entire night with me and I respond to his cries immediately. I do not plan on letting DS cry it out at any age. I do not see how I can go from nurturing him and being so attentive to his needs to letting him cry alone in his crib. I've never cried myself to sleep and woken up feeling happy and refreshed, so how can I expect my baby to do so?
When we do decide to "sleep train" it will definitely be a no-cry method. Right now DS wakes up about 6 to 8 times a night, so I am exhausted, and I'd like to get to where we only wake once or twice. I don't expect him to STTN any time soon, and I really don't care if he does, I'd just like at least one stretch that is longer than 1.5 hours.
She already is sleeping through the night. She sleeps far longer in a stretch than my 2.5yr old daughter, who still generally doesn't go more than 3 or 4 hours without waking up.
Mine too.
I swear I got kicked all night long last night. I really posted this vent more about toddler sleep issues anyway. I don't understand why it matters that my 2 yo needs me to fall asleep or that she wakes up at night. It's all still normal, and I hate the implication that I'm going to damage her by not sleep training.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
So true. My daughter sleeps better and longer than I do, and I attempted CIO once. Longest 3 minutes of my life, I really couldn't go through with it. I sleep when I'm tired and so does she. That's something my family can live with.
Sleep training was a miracle for us. I don't really care if my daughter STTN (she definitely does not), but for awhile she was waking hourly to nurse (we co-sleep). I was a mess, she was a cranky kiddo- none of us were happy. So, we finally did modified version of Ferber (not really leaving her alone much at all, but stroking her while she was in the crib until she was soothed.) It actually wasn't so bad and the crying wasn't very long. I think she was just ready to do it. Now she starts the night off in her crib and it's fantastic to see her sleep for hours in a row in her crib. Later in the night, when she wakes up she comes into bed with us, but the nursing isn't nearly so constant anymore and we are all a lot happier. We also noticed a significant improvement in her daytime naps both at home and daycare.
I think this is just one of those issues where you have to do what is best for you and your baby- sleep training may be great for some and terrible for others.
I tried sleep training my DD but I failed miserably b/c I couldn't stand hearing her cry... and not just cry, it was all out screaming. Then I realized that DD was sleeping better and longer when I rocked her to sleep instead of letting her cry in her crib... so that's what I do.
If you feel like you need some help, I'd recommend you try the No Cry Sleep Solution. I've been reading it and I like a lot of what she talks about. I would consider the author to be AP - she co-sleeps, bf, and bw, and what I really liked was the routine for putting baby down.