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Toddlers: 24 Months+
mamainseptember
member
Do I intervene more?
mamainseptember
member
I have a little girl that I watch in my daycare. She is severly underweight for her age and height. She is almost 3, weighs 25.5 pounds (less then 10th percentile) and is 38 inches tall (90th percentile). Her parents send her with next to nothing to eat during the day (1 yogurt, some goldfish and a small thing of cut up fruit). She looks unhealthly skinny (where you can see her ribs) and she tells me all day long that she is hungry. Her parents never feed her breakfast in the morning before she comes and I know they don't eat dinner until around 8pm when her dad gets home. I've talked to her mom about this and she says she is fine and this is how she eats. I don't want to step on the mom's toes, but I don't want her to get sick. Do I intervene? What do I do, I don't think she is being fed properly or enough.
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Re: Do I intervene more?
That is really disturbing. I am assuming you have her for a normal work day (8-5?) and they think yogurt goldfish and some fruit is enough? I would start feeding her yourself and recording it for her mom, saying 'here is what she ate today, I think she really enjoyed ____ or whatever" . Ask her mom what she typically eats on a weekend to get a better sense of what goes on at home. Its hard because calling CPS is a major thing to do and I'm not sure what the in-between step would be
Is it possible for you to offer a meal plan - like waffles or something easy to put together for breakfast? Sandwiches or something similar for lunch? Even if its only a few days a week - maybe they'll catch on?
Maybe the girl has been a picky eater at home, hence why the mom says "this is how she eats." Maybe you can print out some info for her on toddler nutrition and suggested foods. You could also say things like "Johnny was eating ham and cheese for lunch today, and Susy really wanted to try it too... these are some of the foods that the other kids typically bring..."
I agree that calling CPS is pretty serious, and quite frankly may do more harm to the girl than good. I'd rather just feed her my own food when she is under my care, that may be the best thing you can do for her. If you think that the family is under financial hardship maybe you can get some info on WIC for the mother.
Are you running a licensed daycare? If so, maybe your state licensing agency would have some helpful information for you. Or try calling a local daycare center and ask them what their policy would be for handling this situation.
Her weight by itself doesn't concern me. And as the mom of a daughter who hovers around the 3rd %ile on a good day, please don't call <10% severely underweight or assume that being skinny means being unhealthy. DD is 6 and barely over 35lbs. She's on her own growth curve and is extremely active, healthy, and keeps up with the boys on her soccer team. Some kids just have a much thinner build.
But the fact that she says she is hungry and they aren't addressing that does concern me. What is your policy on feeding her food from your house? Would her parents be okay with that? If so, I'd see how much more she eats during the day and as a pp mentioned keep track of it. Then talk to the parents about how much more she is eating, and ask them if they'd like to send in more food or if they would like to just pay a bit more each week to have you provide food for her.
I would do the same and see if she eats more. You can always call CPS and not reveal who you are.
I was going to say the same. DS is lower on the percentile charts (always has been) but he's a garbage disposal. He just has a great metabolism, I guess. So her weight doesn't concern me.
But, yes, if she is hungry, then obviously she needs to eat. What have you said to the parents before? I would probably say something like, "Today I am making XYZ and was planning on giving some to your LO. I bet she will like it" or something. I probably wouldn't take it upon feeding her myself (even though I would really want to) because there may be other issues, anything from allergies to restrictions, etc. I'd just tell them she always says she is hungry and they are not bringing enough food for her.
She's the same size as my 3.5 yo niece. My niece is just really petite. She eats, she just doesn't eat a lot.
The fact that this girl says she's hungry concerns me more than her actual size. (And actually, 38" at 3 years is just under 75th percentile for height, not 90th.) Are the parents sending her a lunch and assuming that you provide snacks? In every daycare my kids have attended, snacks are provided. A yogurt, fruit, and goldfish would be a normal sized lunch for them.
I would see if you can provide the girl with something for breakfast and then make sure she has a good snack at the end of the day.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
I don't mean to offend you at all, but the way she looks is severly underweight. You can see her ribs, her eyes are sunken in, she has discoloration under her eyes, she just looks unhealthy. She is quite tall and her size 18 month clothes slip off of her skinny body. Her dad is about 6 ft, 190 and her mom is about 5'5" and 130, so they are not tiny people either.
She's not quite 3 yet, according to a growth chart 38" at 2 years and 8 months is 80th-90th percentile.
Her parents know that I don't provide any food because of the vast age differences. They tell me that she doesn't need breakfast, the yogurt is for snack, fruit is for lunch and the goldfish are for the afternoon snack. I've attempted to give her food before and the mom gets weird about it and she isn't really interested in eating it unless its a snack type of food.
Well her nutrition does sound concerning, but I just want to repeat that thin does not mean unhealthy nor is it necessarily an indication of poor parenting or neglect. DD (again 6 years old) could easily fit into some of DS' 3T pants. They'd definitely be too short, but I'd probably still have to cinch the waist for her. But she eats, and eats healthy food. And I'm 5'5" and 130 and DH is 5'11" and 170, so we're not tiny either.
The fact that all she eats is snacks isn't great, but I don't think it's worth a call to CPS. I don't know how many kids you watch, but if you are concerned maybe you could talk to the mom about you helping to work with the girl to try and get her to eat more. Peer pressure can be powerful and maybe she'd pick up some better habits from those around her. You could keep offering pasta, veggies, or other healthy options - if she's truly hungry she'll eat those.
Okay, this should obviously not be enough for her to eat. They need to be providing more food and if she doesn't want to eat it, she doesn't have to. I would definitely be discussing with more seriously with them. Tell them she's hungry, mention things she's tried with you that they might bring, and keep at it. Will she at least eat toast with cream cheese or something like that?
I would tell the parent to pack what the PARENT would like her to eat (ideally) and you will put everything she doesn't eat back into the lunch. This way she provides more than the toddler may want/need and both of you can see how much this kid is willing to eat.
For example for lunch suggest the parent pack sandwich, fruit cup, fish crackers, apple slices, and a cookie. The kid may only take a couple bites of each and you pack what she doesn't eat back. This way the blame isn't on the parent.
Also with a kid who was beyond picky (needing occupational therapy) and underweight I would suggest pediasure. She NEEDS vitamins, fats, calories, and nutrition. Does she drink milk? Could you offer milk with the meal and snacks?
That is just ridiculous. How can any person think that is enough food for a toddler?? Are you licensed? Are there any sort of nutritional requirements for licensed daycares in your area? Is her lack of food affecting her behavior/attitude during the day? I know if my kids ate that little they'd be a mess by the end of the day. They may be suspicious with the timing of you talking to them, but you could come up with a new "policy" and require all families to bring two snacks (give them examples) and a lunch (including veggie, grain, dairy, etc.). Just say how nutrition can affect behavior and in order for you to run your daycare as you would like to you need to make sure all the kids get proper nutrition. Or just make this requirement for them.
Mentioning the food program could be touchy, but I think you could approach it right. Especially if things don't improve after talking to the dad.
Sorry you're having to deal wtih this. I'd imagine that takes it's toll when also watching other kids.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
I run an in-home daycare so I am registered through the state. We had to take a class that talks about healthy eating etc, but there are no requirements as to what you have to feed your child. I think I am going to update my policies and hand something new out, that's a great idea, maybe they will see it in writing and understand more. Thanks for the idea!
Snacks are not the issue, lunch is the issue. I have been giving this girl snacks with no problem, but I can not cook lunch. Also, she is not really interested in the snacks that I have. She wants chips, cookies, ice cream, etc. I don't keep that stuff in the house. I've offered her carrots, toast with butter, cut up watermelon, stuff like that. Also, my rates are very, very low because I do not offer food. This has not been an issue for my 4 other families, they all pack adequate food for their children. I don't want this girl to starve, but they entered into this agreement knowing that I do not provide food.
One yogurt?!! That is insane. Do they only feed themselves one yogurt all day long?!?! I doubt it.
I agree with the policy change idea - send a letter home to everyone outlining what kind of food and how much they need to pack everyday. Include a sample menu to be sure you are clear.
It totally makes sense that you can't provide lunch. From my perspective, if a kids is really hungry, they'll eat the healthy snacks you offer. That's how I know if my kids are asking for a snack at night to delay bedtime for because they're hungry. If they're actually hungry, they'll eat the banana, grapes, carrots, etc. If not, they'll complain that they want cookies or ice cream.
What the parents are providing would be a normal lunch portion. The girl just won't eat healthy snacks. If they really think they're providing both lunch and snacks, then I think you need to find a way to let them know that the amount of food isn't enough.
I don't know that there's a way to fix a picky eater besides just offering the foods over and over.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
WOW! One Yogurt????
Can you call social services or anything that helps child care facilities and ask how you should approach this or what you should do with the parents?
Maybe you could get assistance and meals given to your center (meals on wheels or something similar) for children in need or a subsidy for providing food, or they will have a protocol for dealing with the parents.
IMHO I would be similar to you and feed the kid a decent lunch, snacks, and anything she wanted that is from my pantry and write a very stern letter to the parents.
I think this was mentioned, but our daycare states that it is a federal rule that children must have a grain, protein, fruit, and vegetable at lunch. They are required to serve it and if we pack a lunch from home, we must include those items.
I would explain that you have to follow certain guidelines and that you are responsible for offereing her a variety of food choices each day. You can explain it in a way that is asking for their help so you can do your job properly or you can just state it matter-of-factly. But she definitely needs to be offered a complete meal!
OP, I would flat out tell them I am not comfortable caring for a child that only consumes a cup of yogurt over many hours. Start a conversation and be direct. Get the answers you are looking for. Ask them what her pediatrician has said. Tell them you are concerned and that you want to assist them.
Since you are running your own business, you can choose how this goes. And if you are getting inklings that this is a matter of neglect, then report it. But I would not be able to do that in good conscience if I didn't have a very frank discussion about their daughter and your observations.
Of course you don't want to step on their toes, but this girl is in your care for many hours a day, and you need to know how to best care for her in different ways. It sounds like she could have some serious malnutrition going on if she is only eating goldfish and yogurt.
Good ideas from everyone here... My first thought was also to talk to them about the fact that many kids will eat things at daycare that they won't eat for their parents and that you would really like to give it a try for a week or two if they could please bring in some additional items to try (whatever you think is appropriate and would be easy for them, cheese and crackers, chicken nuggets, cold cuts, peanut butter and fruit, etc ). I would also express your discomfort at that time and try to make it a positive conversation, maybe tell them stories of other kids you have had who have eaten things for you that they refused at home, etc. I would also ask if they have talked to their pediatrician about it and suggest maybe they do just to be sure there is nothing besides pickiness at play.
If they are not at all open to it or willing to try some things then I would consult w social services or someone else for advice or to report bc you have assessed the situation, tried to intervene appropriately and have no other choice.
Fwiw you never know what kind of financial issues ppl have even with two jobs and house and cars but that is obviously not a reason to neglect your child's nutrition.
Good luck.
during the time she in your care, you are responsible for her. So, if she is hungry you need to feed her.
IF you can't afford to pay for her food, i would get on the food program. Lots of in home daycares are on the food program, so they can supply food for the chidren they care for.
Sorry, but if she is hungry on your watch and you know mom isn't doing a good enough job, you need to step in.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
I think this is a tough situation. DD just turned 2 and at her annual appt, she was 21lbs 3oz ( less than 3%) and 32 1/2 inches. She is small. She eats NOTHING. Daycare talks to me about it at least once a week (they provide meals, she doesn't eat it so it is different from your situation) She will go an entire day at school and drink milk. I only half listen to her teachers b/c how many more times can I say SHE DOESN'T EAT.
Today she had 1/2 of a hashbrown, 1 1/2 chicken nuggets, milk and juice. She always has a bowl of cheerios and puffs at her disposal. THE WHOLE DAY! It is extremely frustrating. She will ask me to make her things and then won't eat them. On a good day, she will eat oatmeal and fruit for breakfast and maybe have either fish sticks/chicken nuggets and fries/applesauce for dinner. I've been that mom that sent her to school w/ a yogurt and she wouldn't even eat that. And I know she's not going to eat it but I send it on the off chance that she might. You need to use your good judgement and access the situation properly. You need to be SURE before you call CPS. Holy hell, I cannot imagine what I would do if my kids daycare called CPS on me. You do seem pretty sure just be careful.
BFP #2 10/29/08 ...stillborn via c/s @41w 7/20/09
missing my baby everyday
BFP #3 1/20/10 My angel's little sister Grace Madison was born September 8th 2010 @37w. We're so blessed! Thank you angel for getting her here safely.
BFP #4 12/30/11. Jackson Christopher 8/22/2012 via repeat c/s @ 37w 3d
Wow! I cannot believe the amount of people on here too afraid to "step on their toes." Come on people..this is a CHILD. Someone not mature enough to advocate for themselves. Therefore, someone needs to do it. Stop beating around the bush with the parents and be direct with them. To the OP, if you are licensed then you are a mandated reported and it is your obligation to report it. To the posters in this similiar situation.... is your child telling someone that they are hungry or are they just not big eaters?? There's a HUGE difference. (One of my God-daughters is 3 and was wearing 18 month skirts this summer, so I'm not just talking to talk) It's not your job to know the whole situation before calling CPS. Besides, it already sounds like you've tried to get information from the parents and you're not getting anywhere. It's your job to look out for this little girl.
*Before anyone starts to flame me, please keep in mind that I work for a government agency and am required to do the exact same thing. I'm not just spouting off at the mouth.
Not that I recommend calling CPS but it really is NOT a big deal to call them. We have had our training and have had a guest speaker from CPS come to the school (co-op preschool so we all had to have training). She said that every call is important but they can tell you pretty quickly usually if the issue is even something that they can/will intervene with. They can provide resources galore.
DS is a super picky eater and is very small for his age. We're constantly doing weight checks. It sounds like these parents are in denial (or there is a financial issue they're covering up). I can't believe they wouldn't do more (or at least try some of your suggestions) after you spoke to them.
Even though DS is picky and sometimes doesn't eat a lot, I still pack him a big lunch just in case. Sometimes he'll eat things at school that he won't eat at home. I've never seen him eat an apple, but he eats them at daycare. I typically pack a sandwich, fruit, crackers..or hummus, cheese, crackers. Sometimes he'll just eat a piece of cheese or a couple crackers though (it's so frustrating). I just don't understand that these parents won't pack more after you've spoken to them.
If you want to keep an inexpensive "snack" around....how about kashi cereal bars or fig newtons? They're both dense, fill them up, and have fruit/whole grains in them (esp the kashi bars). I keep a box of them in DS's cubby at school for days he won't eat his lunch.