Would this bother you?/ Vent...

drbethc · October 2012

So I've posted before about my mother. She watches LO 4 days a week for 4 hours. I'm starting to get the feeling that she feels since she watches LO, she should be able to do what she wants to with him. For some reason, she likes to use my LO as entertainment or something for my nephews and other children. She knows that I don't want children holding him, and yet she will put LO on the laps of my nephews that age in range of 4-9. (perfect germ carrying elementary school aged kids)...Dont get me wrong, I love my nephews, but they are boys and don't always wash their hands, and someone always has a cold. I've talked to her about this and she still does it and gets mad at me for being "overprotective."

So today we all went to my SIL baby shower. My mother grabs LO and holds him up to my cousin's daughter (she's 4) and says, "Kiss. kiss". My cousin's daughter leans forward, and I say, "no kissing." (in a nice and polite voice). Of course my mother is upset with me and hands LO back to me, looks at me and walks away.

I am so annoyed that my mother knows that this bothers me yet continues to do things like this...Am I over reacting? Would this bother you? I know I'm not over reacting at the fact that my mother is not respecting my wishes, but would it bother you if your LO gets passed around for children to hold him and to kiss him?

acbfreire · October 2012

It would bother me. That's why I wear LO when we go to our neighbors'. It reduces the touching/ holding... They are always sick!

Your kid, your rules!

giggles0918 · October 2012

acbfreire:

Your kid, your rules!

This! If she doesn't stop I woudl find someone else to watch LO since she obviously doesn't follow your rules.

drbethc · October 2012

acbfreire:
It would bother me. That's why I wear LO when we go to our neighbors'. It reduces the touching/ holding... They are always sick!
Your kid, your rules!

Yup...I totally had him in my ergo because I knew he would be passed around. She said she wanted to hold him so I took him out of it...

Starbear06 · October 2012

Yes it would bother me if my mother didn't respect my wishes even after discussing it with her. And I also wouldn't appreciate my LO to be passed around young kids. I also have non hand washing nephews that I always have to ask if they washed their hands when they want to touch LO.

giraffe54 · October 2012

People seem to forget that babies are humans, not toys. I hate having to remind family about that. Your mom may be over excited about the baby, but once you remind her of your wishes, there should be no pouting or disrespect about it. If you can swing it, find new child care. I suspect your mom will only get worse and more proprietary over your LO as time goes on.

Samiantha101 · October 2012

Honestly, I find it a bit overbearing. Your child is no longer a newborn without an immune system and has received vaccinations. I think if your plan is to isolate your son from all possible germ transmitters, well, I guess I just think it's a bit bunch. If you put your child in daycare, which lots of kids are and are just fine, than obviously he'll be more susceptible to a lot more germs. My child's health and safety is an utmost concern of mine, but I would lose my mind trying to keep every germ away from her. Relax.

brideofscowboy · October 2012

Would it bother me? No. Baby isn't brand new anymore. Then again, I'm way more relaxed with DS2 than I was with DS1.

BUT, if it doesn't sit right with you, that's fine too.

Bottom line? Your baby, your rules.

acbfreire · October 2012

Samiantha101:
Honestly, I find it a bit overbearing. Your child is no longer a newborn without an immune system and has received vaccinations. I think if your plan is to isolate your son from all possible germ transmitters, well, I guess I just think it's a bit bunch. If you put your child in daycare, which lots of kids are and are just fine, than obviously he'll be more susceptible to a lot more germs. My child's health and safety is an utmost concern of mine, but I would lose my mind trying to keep every germ away from her. Relax.

Even though our LOs got vaccinated they are not fully immunized yet. There are states with whooping couch outbreaks and flu season is starting...

But the bottom line is that grandma did not respect her decisions.

Samiantha101 · October 2012

acbfreire:
Samiantha101:
Honestly, I find it a bit overbearing. Your child is no longer a newborn without an immune system and has received vaccinations. I think if your plan is to isolate your son from all possible germ transmitters, well, I guess I just think it's a bit bunch. If you put your child in daycare, which lots of kids are and are just fine, than obviously he'll be more susceptible to a lot more germs. My child's health and safety is an utmost concern of mine, but I would lose my mind trying to keep every germ away from her. Relax.
Even though our LOs got vaccinated they are not fully immunized yet. There are states with whooping couch outbreaks and flu season is starting...
But the bottom line is that grandma did not respect her decisions.

Perhaps mom is being unreasonable. Grandmas are moms too. I imagine grandma is watching baby to be helpful. Who to better take care of our own than family? I think it's kind of unreasonable and a bit ungrateful to get upset over the above mentioned.

drbethc · October 2012

Samiantha101:
acbfreire:
Samiantha101:
Honestly, I find it a bit overbearing. Your child is no longer a newborn without an immune system and has received vaccinations. I think if your plan is to isolate your son from all possible germ transmitters, well, I guess I just think it's a bit bunch. If you put your child in daycare, which lots of kids are and are just fine, than obviously he'll be more susceptible to a lot more germs. My child's health and safety is an utmost concern of mine, but I would lose my mind trying to keep every germ away from her. Relax.
Even though our LOs got vaccinated they are not fully immunized yet. There are states with whooping couch outbreaks and flu season is starting...
But the bottom line is that grandma did not respect her decisions.
Perhaps mom is being unreasonable. Grandmas are moms too. I imagine grandma is watching baby to be helpful. Who to better take care of our own than family? I think it's kind of unreasonable and a bit ungrateful to get upset over the above mentioned.

Yes, I did pose this question to the board. Like I said in my original post, My question is would you be bothered by other children holding your LO and or kissing him or her? Your response was "no, this does not bother you." Thats all I was looking for. This question is not meant to be a debate about anything else.

As for me, I don't think I am being unreasonable. When I am ready for LO to go to daycare, this issue will be moot. I try to keep him from getting sick at this age because he is not able to verbally communicate with me about what is hurting etc. Of course we cannot shield them from everything but right now as my LO is not exposed to other children at daycare, this is not my concern.

Also, my wishes for the wellbeing of my son does not have anything to do with being ungrateful towards my mother.,.Two totally different issues. Again, you responded with your answer...and that was all I was looking for.

khill86 · October 2012

It would bother me. DH has a 10 year old half sister and I've never been comfortable with her holding him. I let her hold him while she was sitting when he was newborn, then she decided that she, too, could walk around with him. Now that he's bigger and squirmy I worry about her moving him around or dropping him. She's already saying how heavy he is so I'm hoping her holding him will stop. I actually worry about this with DH's grandma, too because she's constantly saying that she can't bear weight on her right shoulder.

I'm not really strict with hand washing with the ILs because MIL, SFIL, and BIL are all very clean and I see them wash their hands all the time anyway. Obviously my 10 year old SIL and her friends are not as clean. When DS started putting his hands in his mouth, I told everyone at once that only clean hands touch DS's hands and face. MIL will ask anyone that comes near him if they have clean hands and always insists that SIL and her friends wash their hands even if they say they are clean.

stepper1725 · October 2012

Would it bother me, yes definitely. Would I be surprised that my mother didn't follow my instructions, nope. I think some of that is to be expected to some degree, and it sucks : (

I've heard from a good friend that with childcare "there's always a price to be paid". In the case of daycare, it's a literal monetary price. In the case of a family member watching LO, it's the price of navigating the mother/grandmother relationship. You're now in the position, maybe for the first time?, where you're telling your mother what to do, not vice versa. No advice for how to do it, but I hope it gets better for you!

rebecca4980 · October 2012

That would bother me too! As PP said, your kid, your rules! I don't think asking for some respect for what you want is too much to ask for. Its good for babies to be exposed to some germs, but passing LO around to be kissed is way too much. I would politely tell your mom that you are uncomfortable with young kids handling LO and prefer him to be held by someone older and not passed around.

jamiah18 · October 2012

I'd feel the same way! Your DS will get to a point where germs and being around other people are completely out of your control. But for now, I don't blame you for wanting him to be protected!!

seansgirl2006 · October 2012

The actual letting other kids kiss would not bother me, but it would bother me that my mother wasn't respecting my decisions. Regardless of whether she agrees or not, she should listen to what you want. I don't know the history with your mom, but it sounds like she knows this bothers you and does it on purpose since she continues to do it and get angry with your reaction. Maybe you could come up with a compromise. I think it's weird that she just holds the baby out and tells kids to kiss LO. I can see if the child walked up to them and wanted to kiss/hug the baby. Maybe tell her to quit forcing it?

Sawyerplus1 · October 2012

drbethc:
but would it bother you if your LO gets passed around for children to hold him and to kiss him?

Nope, not in the least. Unless, of course, the child was visibly ill with a bad cold or flu, or my LO had a disorder that compromised their immune system. Germs dont really bug me. I know illness is no fun, but it's also really important to build up our immunities. I've never been paranoid about germs for any of my kids and they're all very healthy children.

Plus, I always wonder, what are you going to do when you have more kids (assuming you will)? I can almost guarantee you that you will be less uptight about this stuff then, so why not relax about it now? It's exhausting to fret about every single potential threat when you're also chasing a toddler, who, whether you like it or not, WILL pick up germs from play groups, friends, the mall, etc and bring them home to baby.

drbethc · October 2012

seansgirl2006:
The actual letting other kids kiss would not bother me, but it would bother me that my mother wasn't respecting my decisions. Regardless of whether she agrees or not, she should listen to what you want. I don't know the history with your mom, but it sounds like she knows this bothers you and does it on purpose since she continues to do it and get angry with your reaction. Maybe you could come up with a compromise. I think it's weird that she just holds the baby out and tells kids to kiss LO. I can see if the child walked up to them and wanted to kiss/hug the baby. Maybe tell her to quit forcing it?

exactly! Its the forcing it that really bugs me!

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