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silverbmer
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nanny with her own two kids...thoughts?
silverbmer
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in Working Moms
Hello everyone,
Newbie member here...I am a FTM looking to hire a nanny for my newborn. After speaking with some applicants that left me less than impressed, I found a woman who really seems like a GREAT fit for many reasons (great experience, educated, handles herself very professionally, truly loves children, etc, etc). The kicker is...she will have a newborn baby as well AND a 3 year old of her own she'd also like to care for...in HER home....
We were originally considering daycare so the idea of our baby being around other children (with divided attention) isn't necessarily a drawback to us. We are hiring a nanny because we need flexibility with hours (early morning drop off), not necessarily because we need one on one attention or someone to do housecleaning. Also we would be avoiding "nanny taxes" as she would be considered an independent contractor; we would also be saving a considerable amount of money as we plan to pay less than the going nanny rate (I envision something more along the lines of a nanny share or in home daycare). These are not minor points for us financially speaking...
I guess I'm just looking for feedback from others (non FTM's). I am going back and forth- on one hand I envision my child being the more easily "neglected" one since he won't be her child....but on the other hand, she seems very capable, is not a newbie mom, has lots of experience with babies and children besides her own, and the financial perks would be a significant plus for our family. Has anyone else had a similar situation or have any insight? Thank you!
Newbie member here...I am a FTM looking to hire a nanny for my newborn. After speaking with some applicants that left me less than impressed, I found a woman who really seems like a GREAT fit for many reasons (great experience, educated, handles herself very professionally, truly loves children, etc, etc). The kicker is...she will have a newborn baby as well AND a 3 year old of her own she'd also like to care for...in HER home....
We were originally considering daycare so the idea of our baby being around other children (with divided attention) isn't necessarily a drawback to us. We are hiring a nanny because we need flexibility with hours (early morning drop off), not necessarily because we need one on one attention or someone to do housecleaning. Also we would be avoiding "nanny taxes" as she would be considered an independent contractor; we would also be saving a considerable amount of money as we plan to pay less than the going nanny rate (I envision something more along the lines of a nanny share or in home daycare). These are not minor points for us financially speaking...
I guess I'm just looking for feedback from others (non FTM's). I am going back and forth- on one hand I envision my child being the more easily "neglected" one since he won't be her child....but on the other hand, she seems very capable, is not a newbie mom, has lots of experience with babies and children besides her own, and the financial perks would be a significant plus for our family. Has anyone else had a similar situation or have any insight? Thank you!
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Re: nanny with her own two kids...thoughts?
This would be my biggest concern. I have a few friends who have had issues with this in the past. Plus how are you going to handle things when her LO's are sick? You'll be without daycare, or you're just going to have to expose your LO to whatever her kids have. Kids that young are sick all the time and if you're without daycare when either your kids or her kids are sick, that's a lot of time off work. I don't think I'd be comfortable with that situation, but I know others who are and it's worked out great for them.
Ok here's my opinion.
NO WAY.
My problem isn't the other kids around. Obviously women can care for multiple children. It's the NEWBORN.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
I would not do this. First of all, if I was paying for a nanny, she would be coming to my house. No way would I send her to someone else's home.
Her little baby would also be a problem for me. I would want my child to have more attention.
Have you met her 3 year old? Is the child clingy or fairly independent? If she's rather independent, I wouldn't mind this set up. People take care of twins and toddlers, I don't know why she couldn't take care of her kid, her baby, and your baby. In home daycares also tend to be one adult to a few babies. They make it work out too.
Does she intend to stay home all day? Or does she envision herself running errands? I wouldn't be okay with her trying to drive places and take care of errands because then her attention would be further divided.
Daycares complete logs for the children in their care (when diaper changes are, when, what, how much the baby is fed, any accidents, etc.) I would ask that she do this for your child. That way you'll see that your child is being changed and fed consistently and at reasonable intervals.
If you have issues with TVs being used as babysitters, I would suggest discussing this before care begins, as well.
from what I've seen on this board, most of the women who post here are fans of day cares. I used a SAHM, although her children where school aged, for DD and it worked out great. There are plenty of moms who have twins and an older one and they manage just fine. I'm still on leave and DS is a very easy baby, DD can be a bit of a PIA sometimes. Unfortunately I treat DS very differently then I treated DD, I put him down alot to tend to her and I don't get to play with him as much as I did with her, but that could have gone on when DD was at the sitter too. I also would have a huge problem with someone taking two babies and a 3 year old anywhere other than a walk to a park.
IMO, I'd give it a try until the spring, that way you keep your LO out of all the daycare germs in the winter and see how it goes. If you're not happy you can switch to a daycare then. FWIW I'll be using a daycare for both my LOs when I go back, so as much as I prefer home care, I'm not totally anti daycare, you've got to do what works for you.
I actually disagree that she'd favor her kids over yours. I also disagree that should couldn't handle 2 infants and a 3 year old. Don't moms with twins do it? Don't in home providers do that all the time? I know mine does. She has a 4 month old, 8 month old (DS), 15ish month old, 2 year old and a couple older ones. Granted ALL of the kids are not always there at the same time but she functions just fine. Oh and she also happens to be my mother and doesn't favor DS over the other kids.
OP, your setup is completely doable it really just depends on the particular nanny. You say she has experience, is professional, etc. which makes me think she's got a good head on her shoulders and would be able to handle it. I'd choose her over other nannies that you were less than impressed with.
Like others said though, make sure you draw up a good contract and arrange for back up day care should it be necessary.
ETA: I'm no nanny but as I'm thinking about it, I think if I was caring for another baby along with DS I might actually favor the other kid a bit in terms of making sure all needs are met to the T. Not that I'd neglect DS by any means but since I'd be getting paid to take care of the other kid that would give me motivation to make sure I'm not neglecting him at all. Honestly, it's 2 babies, not 10, should an issue arise one baby might be ignored for 1 minute while the other is dealt with. Not the end of the world.
She had her own 6 months old and a 3.5 y.o. and it was working great for us! If I was running late from work, I knew he was safe and fed.
If my kid was sick, I kept him home. If hers got sick, she separated them ad much as she could.
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2010 IVF-PGS-FET#1, DD b. Aug-2011
TTC#2 2012 BFNs, 2013 FET#2, DS b. Nov-2013
TTC#3 2015 BFNs, FET#3
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Just to clarify and offer some more information, my sister in law does stay home the whole day with the kids. Sometimes she takes them in the backyard to play outside but she is always home and doesn't try to run errands with all the kids. She did get herself licensed as an at home daycare. (This is something I would definitely check out.)
She has taken care of the little girl and boy for about 3 years now. The little boy and her older son are best friends because they are the same age and the little girl and her younger son are also the same age. The two older kids do go to preschool twice a week so even though she doesn't run errands or anything, she does take all the kids in the car to drop the older to off and pick them up from preschool.
She really has developed a nice relationship with these two children and their family. Like I said, she cares for them as if they were her own children. Personally, I would prefer this type of arrangement than a daycare center.
This isn't a nanny, this would be a babysitter.
Personally, I wouldn't do it.
First of all, I agree with the others that she isn't what I'd call a nanny. To me, a nanny is someone who comes to your house to care for your child, so really, this set up benefits her the most, not you, because she doesn't have to deal with getting her kids up and out the door in the morning. I know people do this every day with their kids, but for us, it's one of the perks of having a nanny. Not sure if you've priced out nannies in your area, but I would not pay her a nanny's salary since you are taking your daughter to her house AND she has her own children at home. Your situation sounds more like a home daycare(possibly unlicensed?)
Also, our first nanny brought her 3 year old with her and it didn't work out for us at all. Her child was super needy and didn't understand why her mom couldn't pay attention to her and was taking care of a 6 month old. She wasn't napping anymore, and the nanny had a hard time keeping her daughter quiet while DD was napping. The nanny was great - good with DD, lots of experience, etc. So, that arrangement lasted a month, and because of that, our current nanny is childless and has been with us over 2 years.