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Stranger 'anxiety' - Normal?

LesSaintesMariesDeLaMerLesSaintesMariesDeLaMer member
in Attachment Parenting

Hello!  My DS is 4 months old, and for a few weeks now, he has been having some stranger anxiety.  He loves socializing with people, and will smile at them, 'talk' with them, etc, but he refuses to have anyone hold him, other than myself, my DH, and my mom.  If someone tries to hold him, he will start crying within 1-2 minutes, and it takes me at least 10 min to get him calmed down.

After a few times of trying to have people hold him and then ending up with him crying, I just decided it was probably better if people just interact with him while I hold him, because that's what he's comfortable with. 

Unfortunately, I am getting a lot of negativity from people about this.  Everyone seems to think that this behavior is abnormal and signifies some sort of problem.  I have been told repeatedly that he is a "mama's boy" (whatever that means), that he shouldn't be acting like that at his age, etc. 

The other issue I have is that even though I explain the situation, people still continue to ask to hold him.  My husband's aunt put her hands on him like she was going to just pluck him right out of my arms even though I told her no!  I had to give her the mama bear stare.  Ugh! 

Someone please tell me that this is normal behavior for a baby his age, that he is an intelligent little human who has the right to decline unwanted physical contact with strangers, and that I am correct to defend that right.  Please!

 

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Re: Stranger 'anxiety' - Normal?

  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    Separation anxiety is completely normal. It sounds like your LO started a little on the young end of the curve, but who cares? I really don't think that means anything about your sons longterm development or personality. What matters is that he's not comfortable being held by others and you are responding to that anxiety, which will only strengthen his trust with you.

    i firmly believe that the less you force LO to be held by others, the more relaxed he will become with it. Although at the same time, this is a phase that he will move through in his own way and time, and I'm not entirely sure you can speed it along.

    No matter what your kid does or how you respond as a parent, someone somewhere will criticise. So just try and ignore them. Good luck. 

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  • ncbellencbelle member
    imageKateLouise:

    Separation anxiety is completely normal. It sounds like your LO started a little on the young end of the curve, but who cares? I really don't think that means anything about your sons longterm development or personality. What matters is that he's not comfortable being held by others and you are responding to that anxiety, which will only strengthen his trust with you.

    i firmly believe that the less you force LO to be held by others, the more relaxed he will become with it. Although at the same time, this is a phase that he will move through in his own way and time, and I'm not entirely sure you can speed it along.

    No matter what your kid does or how you respond as a parent, someone somewhere will criticise. So just try and ignore them. Good luck. 

     

    Ditto!! 



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  • giraffe54giraffe54

    My LO is around the same age and starting to do the same thing. She's happier if she can see and/or touch me while being held by others. I'm a FTM, but I don't think it's abnormal. There are many changes that LOs go through at this age that cause them to want the secure feeling of their primary caregivers - sleep regression and tiredness, teething, growth spurts, etc. 

    When people give you a hard time about it, remind them that LO is a human, not a toy. They have as much right to their bodily integrity as anyone. Forcing a human being to do something they are terribly uncomfortable with, no matter how cute and helpless they are, is not okay. 

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  • Bride-hildaBride-hilda member
    It saddens me GREATLY that people think this is abnormal. In one of my Early Childhood Development classes we were taught about the three different personalities everyone's BORN with. (You can discern practically at birth what category your child falls into, and which one you fall into.) There's Feisty, Flexible, and Fearful. I'm a "weird" combination of Fearful and Extrovert. I love being in a big group, and parties excite me, but I'm seriously scared of EVERYTHING, and always have been. There's nothing wrong with being Fearful, just as there's nothing wrong with being Flexible or Feisty. Stranger anxiety is totally normal, and honestly... it just makes sense to be a little wary of strangers. ;)
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