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SIL with another perfect new baby. Old hurts rear up, again.

DenesdiaDenesdia member
in Preemies

I don't rant very often, but I had to get this off my chest.  My SIL lives in Florida with her boyfriend. We have limited contact, but I am always quietly disgusted with her self-centered world.  She is a selfish little princess.  I have grown more irritated with her since she has had her children.  She smoked cigarettes and drank Red Bull for her entire first pregnancy (among other obvious no-no's) and ended up with a perfect baby girl with no problems, and no NICU time.  Now, 18 mo. later, she had another perfect pregnancy and she continued with her awful habits the whole time, again.  Another perfect baby, right on schedule.  Uggh.  She sent my DH and I the hospital pictures that were taken the day of the baby's birth.  As an aside,  I missed this type of photo op altogether with my 25 weeker, and then tried to salvage the photos while in the Special Care Nursery with my 35 weeker. 

As I am stewing about her and how I wish this didn't irritate so much, I see this link on Facebook (https://alittlebirdie.org/marx).  In short, a family with a double tragedy related to two new babies in their family even when they tried to do everything right.  People often post on here asking about when these feelings go away (i.e. resentment, disgust, sadness, jealousy of other mamas).  Well, for me this only flares up once in a while.  But it stinks.  And, it stinks that I have to be nice and congratulatory to my SIL who is marginally unaware of the gifts she has been given.  Rant over. 

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Re: SIL with another perfect new baby. Old hurts rear up, again.

  • starrdiva211starrdiva211 member

    For me, of course, this is still fresh. I often think about my cousins, who I love like sisters and call my sisters, and their pregnancies. They were able to carry their children full term and did somethings that as the OP stated are obvious no-nos.

    And I think about my stints on bed-rest, my 29w6d baby that is currently in the NICU and that emergency c-section that I needed to get me into the world. It becomes a question (for me at least) of "What in the world did I do wrong"? "Who in the universe did I piss off"?

     Hugs for you as your deal with this...

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  • Nita14701Nita14701 member
    I can relate. I find myself getting jealous when I'm out and about and see a woman with a big belly full of baby. It makes me feel sad that I didn't have the chance to get that big and carry LO to term.
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  • CTbride79CTbride79 member
    I know exactly how you feel.  Every facebook friend I have that goes full term (and they all do) and proudly flaunts their photos of them holding their chubby newborn in their arms moments after delivery, I feel that twinge of jealousy and sadness that I didn't have that experience.  I am definitely in a better, more accepting place of the circumstances of DS's birth than I was 8 months ago, but I don't know that I'll ever completely be over it.  And I too am one of those people who did everything right and was extra cautious about everything going into my body during my pregnancy, and still ended up with complications and a preemie...sometimes life just isn't fair. 
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    Mr. & Mrs. 10/2/10 | Dx w/PCOS March 2011
    BFP - 7/25/11 | EDD 4/3/12 | C-section 2/7/12 @ 32 weeks 
    BFP - 1/07/14 | EDD 9/20/14

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  • kelly321kelly321 member

    I'm so sorry it seems unfair. :-( Many people just really don't get how lucky they are to have healthy, full term babies with no issues.


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

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  • sucrets4sucrets4 member

    I hear you.  

    Honestly, I'm not sure if it will ever totally go away.  It's a part of us all and there's nothing wrong with that.  I'm glad that the feelings that I had for most of DD's first year are extremely infrequent now, but it still does hurt when people can't appreciate the gift they are given.

    I'm sorry your SIL sucks.  :( 

    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

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  • KatFCoKatFCo member
    imagesucrets4:

    I hear you.  

    Honestly, I'm not sure if it will ever totally go away.  It's a part of us all and there's nothing wrong with that.  I'm glad that the feelings that I had for most of DD's first year are extremely infrequent now, but it still does hurt when people can't appreciate the gift they are given.

    I'm sorry your SIL sucks.  :( 

    To be honest, it never does fully go away, but I can promise, it does get better. After being born a 24 weeker, DD is now 5 years old. That's 5 years of birthdays with bittersweet memories, 5 years of seeing friends have perfectly healthy babies (and some not so perfectly healthy), 5 years of seeing large baby bumps and wondering why my body failed me.

    The pain lessens. The jealousies soften. The memories sweeten. It will happen, but it takes time. Allow yourself to feel this way, but try not to let it engulf you.

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