Advice needed: Bridesmaid ~1 month postpartum

bumpuser7846882 · October 2012

According to Fertility Friend, I'm due June 17th (The Bump calculator using LMP says June 23rd), and my friend's wedding is July 20th. Her mom wants us to go up and get bridesmaid dresses soon, and I have no idea what to do. Everything is pretty much up to us in terms of style. I have no idea what size to get relative to my size now, or what styles to go for.

Now that I'm really thinking about it, I also have questions about what to do with the baby. Hand him/her off to in-laws (who will be there too), or what? The wedding ceremony won't be very long (I estimate not more than 30 mins). I also don't want the new baby to distract from their wedding.

Of course, there are a million what-ifs...

MoBlair · October 2012

I don't think I would remain in the wedding party. Plus I think your baby will be too young to bring around a lot of people. (Just my two cents)

Venti29 · October 2012

I wouldn't worry about the baby being distracting, a wedding is huge and I know we had a few new babies at our wedding and I didn't even notice...until we said hello to them and thanked them for being there.

As for the dress, can you just buy it later? If it's not a specific dress that makes this situation even easier. I know some places say it'll take months to get the dress, but in my experience it never has. Sounds like the bride might let you buy off the rack?

Sweet.

Congrats on your little baby

AnjaO · October 2012

I would get something forgiving (like empire waist), since it's impossible to know what your postpartum body will look like! It's almost guaranteed that your stomach will still be soft and your breasts will be larger, especially if you BF, but I know some people who left the hospital in their pre-pregnancy clothes, while I only lost 10 lbs. having DS. Keep in mind, too, that if your OB goes by your LMP date and you go to 42 weeks, you could be only 2 weeks postpartum.

If the bride and groom don't mind having a baby at the wedding, I wouldn't worry about it. Whoever's holding him/her can always step out if there's a lot of screaming going on. If they do mind, you could get a sitter to stay somewhere nearby with the baby during the ceremony or bow out of the wedding.

REWOP2 · October 2012

I wouldn't remain in the wedding party either. Getting dressed up and going out that soon after the baby being born will probably be the last thing you want to do!

skio · October 2012

Honestly, unless it was a very, very close friend, I'd decline being in the wedding. But I also have my first experience to go on; I had an unplanned c/s and a difficult recovery, and I was not in great shape at 4w pp. Also, it's very hard to know when your baby will actually arrive. It's possible that he or she will be a week or two late. I personally would not want my 2 to 4 week old at a wedding.

How close are you with this friend? Is declining an option? If not, I'd stall on the dress hunting. Say you're sick or something. At least until you're comfortable sharing your news, then you can consult with the bride and the shop where you'll be ordering your dress about options and sizes. Some lines have maternity equivalents, or maybe the bride will select a designer that has this once she knows your situation.

If you do end up being a bridesmaid and going to the wedding, you and your H will have to decide what you think is best for baby. Maybe your H stays home with him/her. Maybe another family member can watch the baby and you both only attend the ceremony and go home after that. Or if you're comfortable having baby there, stay as long as you please. Just make sure the bride knows that your baby comes first and that you'll have to play the day by ear.

Good luck!

REWOP2 · October 2012

You could also still in fact be pregnant and it would probably still be the last thing you wanted to do a week overdue!!!

Saritaota614 · October 2012

I am in this exact boat. My very best friend is getting married July 13th.. I'm due June 11th.

I can't not be in her wedding. I would feel so guilty and sad. haha

She hasn't chosen what style she wants to do... but I'm very lucky to have a mom that is a seamstress. So I will just purchase whatever dress she picks several sizes larger and my mom will take it down to fit me after baby arrives.

As for taking baby to the wedding. My parents will be attending the wedding also, so I will have mom watch him/her until my duties are complete.

The bride was one of the first people I told about baby and she was very supportive and told me whatever I needed to do was fine with her.

Momma2Michelle · October 2012

Well, first off- I might reconsider my plans to be in this wedding for a number of reasons.

But if it's really important that you are in the wedding, I would talk to your friend and let her know you are pregnant as soon as possible. Make sure she knows that your being in her wedding means that you will have a newborn in tow. You also want to think about how you'll be 7-8 months pregnant when it's time for her bachelorette party and bridal shower and that you might not be feeling up to major party planning or festivities.

As far as a dress, I'd probably plan to go with 1-2 sizes up from normal and an empire waist style dress. If you are back down to your normal size, you can always have it taken it, but it's easier than letting it out, and less expensive.

Good luck and most of all, congratulations!

ASmallWonder · October 2012

I think you need to consider how you might feel and how willing you are to back out at the last minute if you need to. I went almost 2 weeks overdue and had an unplanned c-section and I got dressed up, put on my party shoes and went to my BIL/SIL's wedding at 3 weeks pp. But that won't be the same for everyone. Like someone else mentioned, empire waist will be you friend. Despite any weight you may lose, it's a guarantee that you'll have some sort of mid/lower body expansion that won't have righted itself by then

bumpuser7846882 · October 2012

Thanks for all the replies! I'm sure we'll play it by ear, but these are very close friends, and my husband is a groomsman. There is also only 1 other bridesmaid and 1 other groomsman; it isn't a very big wedding. So, not being in the wedding is really low on the options list.

We're going to tell these friends and our parents after our first dr's appt.

JinglesChic · October 2012

Talk to the dress shop and the bride about what's going on. You are not the first person to be pregnant/PP while in a wedding party and not the last. I was a few months PP with DS when I was, and the tailor knew exactly what size she should order. They can also steer you toward dress styles that will be better in your situation.

If you tell your bride now/soon, you guys can figure it out. She may have no problem having your LO there or deciding on a dress later. Or you can talk about not being in the wedding itself, but play another role, if any. I had a c/s and was out around town within the week. On meds, yes, but you don't have to be locked in your your house. And that was in the height of the H1N1 scare. For the wedding that I as in, I brought DS with us. He was great, and didn't steal the bride's thunder.

Lexilynn345 · October 2012

My MIL is getting remarried that same day....1000 miles away. We really want to go, but won't know how feasible that is right up until early July. Popular date for weddings!

For your friends wedding, I would select a flowy, comfortable dress and see if someone could watch the baby on site, but not around all of the guests. Congrats!

sugarland726 · October 2012

You usually lose a bunch of weight immediately post partum (keeping it off is another story). So I'd probably get a size similar to what you are now. For style, get an empire waist. That will cover a remaining belly, be flowing off of your body, and hide anything you want to hide. Make it very flowing so you can wear comfortable underwear (because you won't be wearing a thong yet!) You'll likely still be bleeding. Consider the top of the dress too if you plan on nursing. Easy access for baby? Or do you need to get basically totally undressed?

starrjelly · October 2012

I did it. DD was 5 weeks old I think. She stayed with DH in our hotel room while I did my wedding jobs. I was the MOH. Anyways, I ordered my dress a couple sizes up and asked that it not be form fitting from the high waist down. In the 5 weeks, I was able to get a rush fitting. I assumed I would be bigger and I was - hadn't lost any weight and my chest was enormous. I felt fine and it was great to be a person again (fwiw, attended a wedding as a guest the week prior too)

REWOP2 · October 2012

I totally read this post wrong! I thought the wedding was JUNE 20th! Lol. I agree with other posters. Explain the situation to the bride, see if its ok to have the baby there if your comfortable bringing him/her. Deinitely see if you can order am empire waist dress and have a good time! I had a CS and was good to go 2 weeks out!

Momma2Michelle · October 2012

I think having your husband in the wedding too will complicate things a little further. That said- if you are close with these friends, there will likely be plenty of people there to help you out.

But like I said before-as soon as you are comfortable, I would let the bride and groom know that you are expecting 1 month before the wedding. It will help them prep in terms of maybe planning to hold the showers and parties a little earlier than normal so that you can be part of the planning and the party.

If you are planning to breastfeed, maybe consider getting the baby used to a bottle for EBM so that someone else can feed them at least during the ceremony.

Mommy2CB · October 2012

We have a wedding end of May and I def don't want to go. We are due June 18th but my son was 6 weeks early so I really have no idea when I'll go. If baby is all ready born there's no way I'm leaving them OR taking them with me as they will only be a couple weeks old. And if baby isn't born yet I am expecting drs to tell me to lay really low to keep baby cooking as long as possible. I just don't see getting all dressed up, hair.. Nails.. Heels. I think the only way we'd go is if baby is born early but is still in the NICU.

Alliebooberz · October 2012

MoBlair:
I don't think I would remain in the wedding party.

This.

carleybeau · October 2012

Funny story. I actually am going to be a bride! My wedding is February 23rd and since this baby was a surprise I will be about 5.5 months pregnant. If anything this just gives me more motivation to maintain healthy eating and not let myself go during pregnancy. I have two bridesmaids in my wedding that are going to have babies before the wedding. They ordered the dresses bigger than needed and figured if it was too big they can always do last minute altering. Better to big than small! I'm gonna have to have my wedding dress taken out

spolan · October 2012

I was a week overdue, induced, and ended up with a c/s. I would have HAPPILY gotten dolled up to go out. In terms of LO, I would just have you ILs look after him/her and have them make up reasons why people can't hold/touch.

dancedance1 · October 2012

I would for SURE order a dress 2-3 sizes larger (if you aren't able to wait).

It would be such a bummer to be holding onto weight, and not to fit into the dress. It will be much easier to take a dress in.

EmilyStL · October 2012

Alliebooberz:
MoBlair:
I don't think I would remain in the wedding party.
This.

Me neither. During my pregnancy with DD, I had to make a decision to tell a very close friend I couldn't be in her wedding because my due date was 3 weeks beforehand. In retrospect it was by far the right choice. My DD was really sick and hospitalized as a newborn, and though she was better by the time the wedding rolled around, I was not comfortable bringing her around large groups of people, and it was difficult for me to be away from her for more than a short trip to the store or whatever. I left her with my mom while I went and that was bad enough. I was in no shape to have had any more responsibility than that. I'm not saying that's going to happen to you, I'm just saying you never know what IS going to happen, how you're going to be feeling physically and/or emotionally, etc.

Ktrue85 · October 2012

AnjaO:
I would get something forgiving (like empire waist), since it's impossible to know what your postpartum body will look like! It's almost guaranteed that your stomach will still be soft and your breasts will be larger, especially if you BF, but I know some people who left the hospital in their pre-pregnancy clothes, while I only lost 10 lbs. having DS. Keep in mind, too, that if your OB goes by your LMP date and you go to 42 weeks, you could be only 2 weeks postpartum.
If the bride and groom don't mind having a baby at the wedding, I wouldn't worry about it. Whoever's holding him/her can always step out if there's a lot of screaming going on. If they do mind, you could get a sitter to stay somewhere nearby with the baby during the ceremony or bow out of the wedding.

Everything here!

Junebug060609 · October 2012

Unless it was a bff, I'd step down. If you must stay in it, get a forgiving dress. You're gonna look 4 to 5 months pregnant just a month out.

Regarding the baby at the ceremony, you need to talk to the b and g. Is it a kids free event? Do you really think you'll be able to leave your 2 to 4 week old newborn?

kh59 · October 2012

I'm in a similar situation--a very close friend is getting married a week before my due date. I decided to tell her right away and let her have a say in whether or not I should stay in her wedding party. I was a little worried that she would be upset, but she was just very happy and excited for me. Since she decided that if I wasn't able to be there, she wouldn't want someone else in my place, I'm planning to go if it's possible for me. She understands that I very well might not be able to make it (and that if I do, I'll be sporting a giant wedding-colored tent or a brand new baby), and although I'll have a lot on my mind while I'm planning her bridal shower, she's already excitedly brimming with baby shower ideas. I'm really glad I told her now instead of just staring in dismay at the snug natural-waist belt on the bridesmaid dress she likes for a couple more months and fretting about how upset she might be when I ruined her plans.

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