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Toddlers: 24 Months+
my almost 3 year old is getting "picked on"?
So my best friend has 2 kids (both girls), a 4 yr old and an 18 month old. The 18 month old is VERY ROUGH at playing. My friend and her husband are going through a bitter divorce so I wouldn't doubt if some of her aggression could be coming from the tension from them? The other day during a few hours of them being together she bit my son 3 times. Pretty badly, in all 3 spots he has bruises that you can plainly see the teeth marks. My friend apologizes but she isn't sure how to discipline her for it. She puts her in time out but she gets up and continues hitting or bites again. And 2 of the times it took about 10 minutes for Owen to calm down to even find out what happened, and by that point my friend said she can't really punish her because it's too late. I didn't even find his 3rd bite until that evening when he was in the bathtub. So basically I'm just looking for some advice on biting, my son never went through the biting phase so I have no clue what to do, and she really doesn't either. Help!
EDIT: subject title
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Re: my almost 3 year old is getting "picked on"?
You do realize that's a very hypocritical statement you just made. Not saying that you encourage it but to feel proud or "proud" that your toddler fights back sends the wrong message as well. The only thing you can do is to deal with the situation on your end. First of all, be clear to your DS that he shouldn't hit back. Teach him the words to use when someone is taking advantage of him. It may fall on deaf ears to an 18 month old but it's good practice for if/when he experiences this with someone older. In regards to the friend's DD you either need to limit your playdates or like another pp said watch her like a hawk.
If your friend asks for suggestions then just encourage her to redirect her DD to another activity away from your son. If that doesn't work then she needs to end the playdate for the safety of your son.
When my kid went through this phase (she was a hitter rather than a biter, and I'm pretty sure there was no tension at home to influence her behaviour) the I would remove her from myself or the person immediately.
I didn't put her in time out. I'd just move her away and say, "you can't be near me if you're going to hit." then when she made a move to come close I'd say, "are you going to hit? No? Then you're welcome to play with me."
It wasn't an overnight fix, but it did work.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Oh my.
An 18 month old has limited communication skills. Biting is one way some kids communicate.
A 3 year old has relatively advanced communication skills. From this post, it nearly appears that the 3 year old is antagonizing the 18 month old and then paying the price.
So, what do you do? You watch the kids closely, redirect the objectionable behaviour and when appropriate to do so, discipline the offending child.
He does use words to start, like I said she is very physical, if something doesn't go her way she will hit and he usually says "NO BELLA! don't hit me." My friend will grab her and redirect her attention or sit her down next to her (as a timeout) but it gets worse when she gets back. While my son is definitely not innocent all the time, when this all started she was doing it out of nowhere (he isn't the only one she is having this aggression with either).
As far as his social skills, we are working on those, he just started preschool last month and we've been working with his as much as we can, DH and I are both quiet people in social situations so it's hard to teach what we don't know I guess.
I should definitely explain a little what I meant by being proud of him for hitting, it's definitely not that I would prefer for him to hit or even hit back but I am a little glad that he can recognize it isn't right to be someones punching bag. If he hits back I always tell him, "we do not hit, if Bella hits you you can tell her no and then come and tell Ms Jessica or me". But DH and I don't think we should punish him with a timeout for defending himself.
We will be watching them even closer than before though, especially now that this biting and hitting has become an issue. Thank you everybody for feedback!
Some kids just bite. How did she bite him THREE times? Was it all at once?
You have to just keep an eye on them when they are together. As soon as conflict arises, you need to be between them so nothing happens.
My nephew bites, pinches, and pulls hair. After the first time he pulled her hair and pinched her, we stayed between the two of them as they played.