I'm a bad bumpie... Rum cake and pity party
LilMaggs
member
So please help yourself to the apology rum cake:
I have been lurking, but not really posting. This is a hard time of year for me. 5 years ago, we started our TTCAL journey. 1 year ago, we ended it. Of course, my husband WOULD break his arm (very simple break, not even any surgery). How the hell do you handle the point where you KNOW it's over, but part of you wants to try again, even though you know all it ends in is pain? I know mentally it's over, the end of the road, and even going there is going to result in heartbreak. Part of me is ready to just get the IUD and enjoy the life I've built away from TTC. For the first time in 5 years, I have a life to live. Aerial, the horses, charity work, etc. So why can't I be happy with that? Why the **** are the wondfo's still sitting in the drawer? Worse, why did I log back into FF? And looking for the BBT. WTF am I thinking?????
The lady bits are in excruciating pain around ovulation/AF each cycle (feels like a razor is shoved up my vag and radiates from sternum to mid-thigh), so I have to make some decisions here. I'm pretty sure it's endo-related. I know that has to be under control if we think of trying again, and the idea of actually going back to the OB/GYN or RE is terrifying me.
Someone beat me over the head. I simply can't go this direction.
Re: I'm a bad bumpie... Rum cake and pity party
(((Hugs))) I am sorry your heart and lady bits are suffering
.
I wish I knew the answers for you but after 7 years of trying for a 2nd with no success and thousands of dollars later I am right where you are. I just don't know how to give up.
Its hard to know when to quit, or to accept it. I do agree with Wicked though-taking care of the endo isn't necessarily for TTC purposes-there are other health reasons to treat it-and I would definitely start there.
Huge hugs!
TTC since 5/2010
DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate
IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
BFP! 11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13
5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d! Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!
My Blog- http://waitingonaangel.wordpress.com/
::HUGS::
I can't imagine how all this feels to you. As frustrating/terrifying/sad as it may be to go back to the OBGYN/RE, I would at least get the endo checked out- keep you comfortable.
BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!!
BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!
Thank you ladies. I really appreciate everything you do.
My month continues with a tire blowout on the freeway today. Go fig! I am off to eat some serious comfort food.