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Late Term and Child Loss
Just lost my son Connor
My beautiful son Connor was 14, almost 15 months old when I laid him down for a nap on August 29, 2012. I laid him down around 2 and my husband went up to get him up for dinner around 5:30 and found him dead in his crib. We still havent gotten the entire autopsy report back yet but so far no cause of death has been discovered. We have in the meantime gotten connected with SUDC, the sudden unexplained death in childhood program, which has been great. I have a four year old son as well and we are just trying to come to terms with our tragedy. No one in our family had ever heard of it happening to a child this old but it does happen and we were the lucky rare family that it happened to. Brayden is lost without his brother and has just recently begun talking about what would happen if other people he loves dies. He is now scared of losing my husband or I like he lost Connor, asking what will happen if mommy or daddy die and I have no parents... he has developed a preoccupation with death and dying, asking about what happens when his friends die. We dont know how to comfort him when we dont understand it either.. why would a perfectly healthy almost 15 month old boy just die in his sleep?? I am a stay at home mom with my kids and try to do everything I can for them and I still lost my son. The SUDC program explained that when this happens (its like SIDS, just for older babies/children) its instant and can not be stopped. Even if we had gotten to him immediately he could not be revived. At least two families in just the past two months have joined the program after their child died while they were using the angelcare monitor. They got to their child immediately once the breathing stopped but they could not be revived because with this type of death, it is instant and the brain stops working. it is not that they just stop breathing and can be shook awake or given CPR to start breathing again. the brain shuts down and then causes the body to stop breathing. i find comfort in knowing that nothing can be done, so we couldnt have done something different to save our connor but it terrifies me. How do you make sure your children dont die?? we want to get pregnant again soon, but if I cant keep them alive, what can I do? I have so much going through my mind and I dont know what to make of any of this. I miss my baby so much, he truly is an angel and sometimes I dont know how we can ever survive without him.
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Re: Just lost my son Connor
I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your precious son, Connor. I wish I could reach my arms out and give you a huge hug in person.
Of course no mother ever wants to find themselves on this board, but I hope it brings you as much comfort and support as it has for me. The women here are truly amazing and you are not alone. Please feel free to share your thoughts or just listen as much as you want.
It is absolutely crazy that it can happen so suddenly and nothing can be done about it. I did not know that; thank you for sharing your story. It's almost unbelievable that one moment everything is fine and the next your whole life is different; this is the situation we all find ourselves in and and navigating it is so, so hard. I wish I had answers for you but I don't.
Just know that this is a wonderful place of caring. There are several other mamas on here that have lost older babies as well. I'm so sorry you have to be here but I'm glad you found this board.
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
Hi my sweet. My name is Lyndsey, my little girl Kamryn died at 19 months old. Her circumstances were a bit different. I was at work and she drowned. It was the worst phone call of my entire life. The thing is that she wasn't under water long enough to drown, she went into shock and her heart stopped, they found no water in her lungs. She was just unable to be rescustiated (SP)
At the time of her death we also had a 4 year old DD (my SD- we have full custody or her still). She too went through a crazy obsession with death, she was there when the ambulences came she was scared of sirens for years, afraid they were taking away me or daddy. It did not help that my mother (she lived with us) died 4 months after our Kamryn.
May I suggest play therapy? Hospice will offer it to you for your son. And thereapy for you as well. I never did therapy so I can't tell you if it helped or not. But the ladies here have helped wonders.
I am here for you in anything at all that you need. The road you are starting is so long and dark and scary and sad but it does not have to be lonely.
Please contact me if you need anything, PM me here or you know what. Look me up on FB, I am there alot too and it is easy to PM and talk there as well. Anything you need, really anything, my heart breaks with you and I am so so sorry that you lost your amazing Little Connor.
There are no words that can help the hurt, none, but know that my heart is with you and your family and if you need anything even just someone to yell at. I am here.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son Connor.
~HUGS~
Thank you everyone for your comments. I am looking forward to getting some support and advise from all of you as I am just starting my grief process and truly need all the help I can get!
In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be
corbinsmommy.blogspot.com
BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w.
BFP #3 - Evie V. Q. Fetal demise @ 16w. DC 7.8.12
BFP #4 - Beatrix V. Q. Born 6.2.13 at 23w6d.
My blog My chart
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
? to Loss+M/PL+TTCAL+PgAL+PAL
PgAL/PAL welcome
I'm so sorry you are not with your baby. I know how hard it can be to not have an explanation, cause or warning. It's unique. Sometimes it makes you feel better, sometimes it doesn't. I still don't know why my Liam died. I was having my last ultrasound when his heart beat starting going down, right before my eyes. Within 10 minutes he was out but it was too late. He had no brain activity at all. He was alive for two days before we decided to remove life support. There was nothing we could do at that point. He died in my arms. Even with a cloth or a cord accident you have 20 minutes to get the baby out. He was out in 10. It's been 6 months and I still don't know what happened and I never will. He was perfect, his heart was perfect,no cloth, my placenta was perfect, my pregnancy was perfect and I am super healthy, in shape, eat only organic and did everything by the book. It just happened. I've had many doctors and specialist telling me that they've never seen anything like that, it just happened. I was literally in a room full of doctors when it happened and there was nothing they could do.
I guess our babies were just meant to be perfect, and stay perfect.
It's never easy to learn about death but we all do at some point. My only advise is to let your son ask his questions and to be honest with him. At his level of course. Don't hide your grieve from him (well, not all the time), let this be a bonding experience for you two. He will learn death is hard and sad, but we can bond over it and get stronger together.
I am really sorry you lost your beautiful Connor (love the name). No one should have to go trough this. But you will surprise yourself. I really didn't know what was made of until now. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.
Big hug and happy thoughts.