are you and DH on the same page with # of kids

megann831 · October 2012

DH is so done having kids. He tells me all the time I forced him into having DS too soon (not true, just suggested we start trying). He gets mad when I try to talk about a 3rd. I wouldn't be devastated if we didn't have another, and I know it will be alot of work, but I feel like in the long run I'd really like to have a largish family (I'm definitely done at 3). Anyone else going through this? What's your plan? We got married pretty young and there were some important issues, such as this, that we didn't fully plan out

rnfromtn · October 2012

DH and I agreed on up to 3. After DS was born, he started talking about 4 ..or 5! I told him, I stop carrying babies after 3. He can carry the last two. If this LO is a girl, we might be done, but we aren't going to talk about it for another 3 years. Either way, I am done having babies at 35.

groovygrl · October 2012

Yes we are. I only ever wanted 2. MH grew up one of 5 and when we first met he said he wanted 4. Then we spent some time w/ our 8 nieces & nephews who were all under the age of 5 at family gatherings and he moved to three, then to two. LOL. Our twins have not been especially easy so that sealed the deal.

GL, it is a hard issue if you dont' really agree, I'm sure.

sschwege · October 2012

I always said I wanted four, maybe even five. DH said he only wanted two. I told him before we got married that having no children or only one would not be acceptable in my mind, two was fine, but I might not ever feel like our family was complete with just two. He pretty quickly came around to the idea of three, he says he is getting snipped after the third, so I guess we are done after that

LSU628 · October 2012

Yup, we have both agreed that DS will be our last child. I'm exhausted keeping up with just 1, not to mention we don't have room in our current home for more than 2.

mel72 · October 2012

Yes I am right there w/ you except time is not on my side, I will be 40 next month. It took us 2.5 years, 3 ivf's and 2 losses to have DS1. We were very fortunate for DS2 that we got pg on our own.

He is 100% done. We've talked at length about this. Before marriage I had said 2 or 3. After our struggle w/ IF we never talked about it, were just hoping to be able to have one. Some days I don't think I could handle it. DS1 is tough and his little bro is following right in his footsteps! But other days I think you do what you have to do to make it work. DH said that if it means that much then lets just do it but now I feel like he is being forced into something. All of this is just assuming we could get pg. on our own again.

GL and hope it works out for you. It's not easy when you both want different things.

saturdaynightdoubletree · October 2012

Originally we decided we'd go up to four. DD was born and DH was done, haha. Then a few months later he wanted to try again, so we did, and got pregnant right away with DS. We always talked about having more, but then got caught up with only financially and mentally wanting one more... not waiting too long because the other two are so close... etc... etc... so here we are, pregnant with number 3. DH still sometimes says "what makes us think this is going to be okay?" but then he gets happy again. I kinda would love four, but really don't want to drive a suburban or minivan, and not sure I want to buckle that many into car seats, college tuition, etc. so I'll take it one at a time. My grandfather challenged me to have one more than he did, 8, and although I think it would be fun I don't think it would be financially responsible.

mbgreenwalt · October 2012

We both always said we'd have 2. We have 2 and we are pretty sure that this is it, but I can't 100% say we're done. Anytime I say something about missing the tiny newborn stage DH says we can have another. If we do have another it will be a few years when DD1 is in school, we can't afford 3 in daycare. I'm hoping that the urge for another will fade as we get farther away from the baby stage.

laurakaz13 · October 2012

I always thought I wanted 2-3. After suffering through 8 months of horrible morning sickness and a collicky baby, I think I'm pretty much done. DH would like a second, but I'm terrified to do it again.

pammi2003 · October 2012

I would love to have 2 more but hubby says he is done. We never actually planned on having kids (Both kids were not planned) He comes from a large family (5 brothers and sisters) and I only have 1 brother. So I love how close he is with his siblings. I want that for my kids.

MammaBear81 · October 2012

I have several friends going through the same thing, and I think their DH's are kind of a douche for saying things like "you forced me" or "this was what you wanted, not me" BOTH of you were there for making the baby (unless there is something funky going on), so you both had a say in it! Luckily DH and I are on the same page when it comes to children and parenting, I guess I lucked out.

KateLouise · October 2012

DH wanted 2. I wanted 4. He reluctantly agreed that 3 was a compromise.

So I just always talked about the 3rd as though it was a given it would happen in the future. Now he's totally on board with a 3rd, so I'm starting on the, "so when we have the 4th kid..." comments. he laughs, and I'm kinda joking. i think I'd still like 4, but I'll be happy with 3.

We've always said to each other, "one kid at a time." so although we both had our own thoughts on the best number we knew there was nothing cast in stone until we had each child and re-evaluated our feelings.

i think the fact that we have had 2 girls is working in my favour as Dh would really like a boy.

I agree with pp, it's a douchey thing to say that it's your wife's fault.

memali26 · October 2012

KateLouise:
DH wanted 2. I wanted 4.
We've always said to each other, "one kid at a time." so although we both had our own thoughts on the best number we knew there was nothing cast in stone until we had each child and re-evaluated our feelings.

This is us, two. After DD1 was born, I decided 3 was my limit, but DH was still only sold on 2. Now that we have 2, we are seriously considering being done. I am not sure I would every be completely okay with stopping at 2, but I'm also not sure a third is the most responsible decision for our family. For now we're just enjoying our girls and we'll make a decision when it feels right.

mrsseguin · October 2012

We are on the same page. We have 2 and are both undecided about #3. I had rough pregnancies and I'm not sure I want to go through that again. On the other hand, we both want a 3rd, but we've had a hard time with 2...and things are starting to get easier with them. We know 3 would be tough, but if we did do it, we know we would be 100% done. I'd get my tubes tied.

MBMcC421 · October 2012

We are now. When we were married and had the talk, he wanted 2 and I wanted 3. I was back and forth about the compromise with 2, but after having Sam, I'm happy taking my time to #2 as it is!

Angela814 · October 2012

We'd always said we were going to have 2.5 kids. After DD2 was born, we talked about having a 3rd, but DH was really opposed. He kind of talked me into having just two. So I got on board with that, and then we had a surprise BFP. (We weren't actually being all that careful, so it wasn't a huge surprise.) After we found out I was pg, DH informed me that he wasn't really opposed to having a 3rd child. He was okay with having 3 or with just having 2.

I think that with a 5 mo, it's still way too soon to even talk about. You're probably still settling into having 2 kids. Let your DH make that adjustment first. You still have plenty of time.

aandg · October 2012

Before we started trying and even after DS was born, DH was pretty set on having three. I always wanted two. Then we had complications with both pregnancies and the financial reality of two kids in day care set in. We decided we were lucky to have two healthy kids and I got a tubal ligation during DD's c section. We are 100% ok with our two awesome kids.

stever · October 2012

DH and I have never really had a page to work off of. We had been together 9 years when we decided to TTC and get married. Right after we had DS1 neither of us assumed we'd have another, then last year we wanted to TTC again. Immediately after I had DS2 I knew I wanted a 3rd but DH thinks he's done.

We'll see. I'm old and wouldn't want to try right now anyway. DH loves being a dad way more than he thought he would so he may decide he wants another when DS2 gets bigger. Who knows?

Whatever happens, we are already very, very lucky.

kcisthebombdotcom · October 2012

We went back and forth. Before kids, we decided on 2 maybe 3 if we got 2 boys/2 girls. When our second child was born, DH said he wanted a 3rd and he wanted that child spaced as close as my first two are. I told him he was out of his f'ing mind and got an IUD. lol. Shortly before DDs first birthday I was on board with another, DH said he was done. About 5 months later, we both agreed on one more though we both are pretty content with two kids. I really don't want to go through the whole pregnancy/newborn stuff again but on the other hand I do want my kids to have another sibling/like the idea of a bigger family long-term. We're just letting whatever happens happen. If I only get 2 I'm ok with that.

jenn_darrin1515 · October 2012

DH & I knew we wanted at least 2 kids and then we got 2 right off the bat. the adjustment from 0-2 kids was tough (mentally and financially)...then when they girls were 1-2 I SO wanted to try for baby #3 but DH was not on board....then from 2-3 DH So wanted to start TTC but I had then adjusted to not having more and for me 2-3 was HARD. now we are both back and forth about it.

financially it would be tough tho (this is what stops us most days)...we will see. if we haven't decided to start ttc by the girls 4th bday, I think it will be safe to say we are done.

NerdyMama2 · October 2012

Nope! DH wants five. I want to stop at two. He would say two, as well if he carried them in his belly!

pinkmoonlight · October 2012

Yes. However I do not think DH really has an opinion as to how many we have. When we first got married and talked about it I told him I would love to have 3-4 kids. Then it slowly moved to I wanted 4 kids. After DS's easy, drama free c-section (complete opposite of DD) I told him (jokingly) that I wanted 10 kids. He that if the doctor would allow it (since I am having c-sections) and we both had good jobs more than 4 was a possibility. However when I think about it 4 sounds like a good number to me so we will probably stop there. DH is really for whatever I want since I am the one that has to go through all the work as he says.

MsNessa · October 2012

megann831:
I wouldn't be devastated if we didn't have another, and I know it will be alot of work, but I feel like in the long run I'd really like to have a largish family (I'm definitely done at 3)

This is exactly me.

Having 2 has been exhausting and hard and sometimes I can't believe I'd ever consider a third. But I'd love to have more than just two. I only have one sibling and DH has three. I like the dynamic and fun of a larger family, especially once they're older and have families of their own.

DH is (and has been) set on 2. Mostly because of the time and money involved. He always makes good points and I'm not crazy about going through morning sickness and the newborn phase again, but I'm just not ready to give up on the idea of having another.

I'd want to wait a couple years anyway, so maybe he'll feel differently by then. Or maybe I will and we'll be done. Life is too stressful with a baby and a toddler to decide now.

MamatoA2010 · October 2012

Looks like I'm in the minority here- I have and only want one. Yep, I'm one and done. Plus I'm a single mom and not about to be the single mom to two at almost 36 years old (plus the fact that I'm separated). When STBXH and I were still together we talked about having two but I know in my heart of hearts I'm done- plus I had a m/c right before getting pregnant with DD.

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