MIL from hell! How to deal..?

Re: MIL from hell! How to deal..?

• Jess & Drew member

  October 2012

  wife07mom09:

  It sounds like the problem is your boyfriend honestly. This woman is not your MIl and from her perspective you dated him and ended up pregnant and still are not married. It is not right for her to put you down or get between you and boyfriend but at the same time there is no commitment for him.   im concerned that he doesnt are and threatens to end your relationship. That says it all for me. RUN.

  This. You have a boyfriend problem. Over my dead body would my husband tell me that I need to just get over his mom treating me (and my kids) poorly. A real man who actually cared about you, would put his foot down and tell his mom that her behavior is unacceptable not threaten to break up the relationship because you don't want to go to Sunday dinner.

  

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• rebeccarouse27 member

  October 2012

  Thanks for the advice. He and I have a great relationship until it comes to his mom. What a sucky situation. : I appreciate your help.

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• kgauntt member

  October 2012

  Honestly I have to agree with PPs. If he doesn't have your back and just takes his mom's side then what's the point? She'll always be around causing problems and he's going to let her, the way it sounds. He needs to man up for the mother of his child.

  

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• rebeccarouse27 member

  October 2012

  He said his family just jokes around alot and doesn't know when to stop. I try to have tough skin with her but what am I supposed to do about my feelings? I hate having to make him choose but I mean, does he have a choice or am I just being too sensitive? 

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• Jess & Drew member

  October 2012

  rebeccarouse27:

  He said his family just jokes around alot and doesn't know when to stop. I try to have tough skin with her but what am I supposed to do about my feelings? I hate having to make him choose but I mean, does he have a choice or am I just being too sensitive? 

  I don't know the entire situation, so I can't say for certain either way. But the fact that she had to have a say in your child's name makes me lean towards her needing a reality check.

  In the end he doesn't necessarily have to "choose" you over his mom, he just needs to stand up to her and let her know that he expects respect for the woman he loves and furthermore the mother of his child.

  

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• najzomax member

  October 2012

  Jess & Drew:

  rebeccarouse27:

  He said his family just jokes around alot and doesn't know when to stop. I try to have tough skin with her but what am I supposed to do about my feelings? I hate having to make him choose but I mean, does he have a choice or am I just being too sensitive? 

  I don't know the entire situation, so I can't say for certain either way. But the fact that she had to have a say in your child's name makes me lean towards her needing a reality check.

  In the end he doesn't necessarily have to "choose" you over his mom, he just needs to stand up to her and let her know that he expects respect for the woman he loves and furthermore the mother of his child.

  this! 

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• bellelamb member

  October 2012

  I think the red flag is that she had any say in YOUR child's name. We didn't even tell our parents what names we were thinking about or had chosen until the boys were born.
  Your boy friend needs to find a way to draw a line and be a grown up, this doesn't mean he has to choose you or her it means he needs to choose a healthy ADULT relationship with his mother.

  

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• tjkdlhb member

  October 2012

  Ditto about the name thing... MIL started in on the baby  name she wanted for "her" girl before we even mentioned that we were considering trying to get pregnant.  We discussed the name between the two of us, but decided it really wasn't what we wanted.  I really didn't like it and it sounded terrible with our last name.  We eventually chose another name and didn't tell anyone what it was until she was born. Picking out a name is such an exciting part of being pregnant.  It shouldn't be robbed from you. 

  I understand ILs excitement about the baby, but she needs to be reminded that it is your child and she is there to provide a supporting role.  I think that your boyfriend is the one who needs to remind her.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• rebeccarouse27 member

  October 2012

  To explain the IL's better: I'd get the "you're a sahm, you get a day off everyday", my 5 yr old son loves wearing fedora hats and ties, button up shirts and dress pants, he calls them his boss clothes. Well since all 3 of her boys were bmx racers and into sports cars she tells him he's gay and hell get picked on at school for being different. It KILLED me to hear her say that. Her middle son passed away at 18 from an unknown heart disease, which is horrible dont get me wrong I could never deal with losing one of my kids, but my kids are constantly compared to him, "maybe the baby will have his beautiful eyes and long lashes" "my sons were rolling over at 8 weeks and walking at 8 months" "I didn't have a diaper genie they're gross" "you shouldn't even get an epidural it's your third baby and I didn't ever have one" and my absolute FAVORITE: "breastfed babies poop every diaper, that would make me not want to breast feed. Breast feeding is stupid, no one even does it right bc you have to be on a strict diet." I mean she was actually pissed that I chose to bf. But update on the boyfriend/mom issue, he said e talked to her and that she needed to stop picking on me and all that, she basically said that if I had a problem then I needed to talk to her. Yea ok, I could see that going SO well...not. When we found out the sex of the baby she pulled me aside and asked me to tell her, ok sure, I was trying to be nice and have a little secret between us. Well I ended up not telling her after our u/s bc I was visiting a friend in the hospital, so bf's brother calls to try and get it out of me. Not telling. Not telling. I hear her in the background call me a "fat fing ***". This is my life. This is the woman I'm dealing with. I cringe at the thought of Christmas dinner this year. Ugh.

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• kgauntt member

  October 2012

  I really am sorry you have somebody like that giving you so much crap at what is supposed to be a happy time. If your bf told her to back off and she is still doing it, that would be when I would speak up. I'm not saying you need to tell her off, but you should be stern. This is your child, what you say goes, the fact that you have to defend your decision to breastfeed is pathetic. Just tell her you're done with the comments and if she wants anything to do with this happy time in your life, she can be polite. She really called you bad names while you were pregnant with her grandchild? Holy sh!t... yeah, definitely time for you to speak up, who cares if it makes her mad. I sure as hell wouldn't let her babysit. If your bf gets mad at you for trying to defend yourself, I'd pack my bags. Just my opinion. It sounds like she has a mental illness... If my MIL told me what to name my sweet little baby, I would laugh in her face.

  

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