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Attachment Parenting
JuneBug86
member
Question about co sleeping
JuneBug86
member
Ive always wondered this but never asked because it seems like a dumb question. With LO#1 we did not cosleep but I wish I had because I probably would have gotten much more sleep than sitting in a rocking chair 3-4 times a night to nurse. When we have our next baby we do plan on co sleeping (side car cribbing to be specific)... But does that mean you have to go to bed when the baby goes to bed? What if you want some "me" time after LO goes to sleep in the evening before you go to bed? Does the baby become dependent on having you next to him/her in order to sleep?
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Re: Question about co sleeping
We bedshare rather than sidecarring, but DD is definitely dependent on me being next to her to sleep. At 4 months she started taking all her naps in the Ergo, so it's obvious that she's very reliant on being close to someone in order to sleep. She is inconsistent in her bedtime habits, she either falls asleep nursing in my lap around 8, or she stays up until 10 when we go to bed. I've tried nursing her to sleep in our bed and then getting up, but she always wakes up within 45 minutes.
Just within the last few weeks she's gotten better about letting me wiggle away from her for cuddles with DH instead. But again, I imagine if I weren't with her for the majority of the night she'd sleep like crap. Sometimes the lack of "me" time is irritating, but I'm positive I get more sleep this way, and she's only this little once
We've bedshared with our son since he was born pretty much. He currently goes to bed, nurses to sleep most of the time, between 7 and 8. I have a video monitor so I just keep an eye on him in the evenings, and then go to bed when I'm ready...any time between 10 and 12. He sleeps fine without me next to him for those few hours (most of the time), but there have been times he's been more dependent on me being near him too. Really, it's only been since about 9/10 months that he became so routine and stayed asleep without me so well...like with (at least mostly) all things baby, it constantly changed and eventually the hard parts got easier. There were definitely nights it was obvious he was only going to bed if I did, so I did. But it wasn't like that was every single night, no.
See, this is what I'm afraid of if we cosleep/sidecar. We have a toddler so I can't just sleep when the baby needs me to. This is making me rethink cosleeping.
My older DD has fallen asleep without nursing, cuddling, or riding in a car less than ten times since she was born over three years ago. She just needs to be close to someone. She only stopped nursing to sleep about five months ago. As a baby, she needed to be held during naps. We started bedsharing when she was about five months old. At that point, we worked really hard to get her to fall asleep in bed, and then I would silently creep away. She is a crazy night-owl, so I am dead on my feet by the time she falls asleep. However, I am able to wake up hours before her and she will continue to sleep.
DD2 is completely different. We have bedshared since she was born. I was exhausted after her birth and couldn't set her in her little incubater in the hospital without waking her up, so I just cuddled with her from that first night. However, after the first few days, I realized that I could just set her down and she would fall asleep. (This feels totally foreign to me, since that has NEVER EVER worked with DD1. It still confuses me and makes me feel totally neglectful.) As long as DD2 isn't too tired, I can set her in her changing table or in the bed or in her pack-n-play, she will kick and coo for a couple minutes (even up to half an hour or so), then drift off. She goes to bed four or five hours before DD1 and I do.
So, I guess what I'm saying is...it depends on the kid!
we bed shared and then used an arms reach cosleeper (sidecar) with DD. Although I wasn't comfy having her alone in the room until she was a good 3-4 months old, once she was asleep she didn't need me with her. I only did bed share for the first 6 weeks or so. She napped on me most of the time for a very long time, and I still nap with her to this day. She does not need me next to her to stay sleeping. We never did any sleep training (long story) at all, so we have to stay with her until she is asleep, but once she is out, mostly, she is good. In her bed/room or our bed/room- it doesn't really matter.
I'm sure it depends entirely on the kid, but my guess is if your plan is to sidecar from the start, they won't be dependent on your presence to sleep once they are out.
I've bedshared with both kids (and wore them for naps until they were about 9-10 months). I always put them to sleep in my bed (although now Eleanor sleeps in her bed the first half of the night or most of the night depending on when she wakes) but didn't go to bed myself until I was ready - they never had an issue with that. Naps are a bit harder as many kids (mine included) tend to be such light nappers. I gave up on trying to put them down for naps when they were little and just wore them. Actually, it was fabulous that Eleanor would always sleep in a carrier as it meant I could still go places with Callum and wasn't tied down to a nap time. As they got older, I wore them to sleep and then laid them down. Or sometimes they would nurse to sleep although that was less common for naps.
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I'm sure it's harder with another child, but even with the inconveniences I wouldn't take it back. Last night DH and I were in bed watching TV after DD went to sleep, and she randomly woke up and opened her eyes. She looked right at me, smiled, and then closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. It was so precious. I wouldn't trade moments like that for anything.
As PPs said, it's probably going to be dependent on the baby anyway. I don't really think I had any options with DD, she has always needed someone close in order to sleep, since birth. It's getting better now but I try to meet her needs and work the rest of my life around it, ie watching TV in the bedroom rather than hanging out in the living room. If that's not an option I've also just laid down on the couch with her (while I stay awake) and that works too.