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So Sad.

Lauren79Lauren79 member
in Secondary IF

I started bleeding when I got home from a party yesterday afternoon.  We immediately went to the ED.  We spend hours and hours there waiting for test results.  My hcg level was only 17.  They did an ultrasound and didn't see anything.  We are just so sad.  I guess I knew it was too good to be true.  I am feeling a little numb.  I don't know how I am going to get through another loss.  I took the day off from work and possibly tomorrow.  I am pretty sure I am almost done bleeding, this was much worse than last time since I am further along and had tons of symptoms. 

We had everything planned on how we were going to tell the family on Thanksgiving.  We are renting a cabin for the family in the mountains and celebrating there.  I bought DD a shirt to annouce. 

The thing that scares me the most is that I am getting older.  I think if I was younger I wouldn't feel so panicky.  I want to have 2 more children.  I know I will get pregnant again, I just need to stay pregnant.  All these losses just push me closer closer to the age limit I set for myself. 

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Pregnant with Letrazole (Femara) on the first cycle with DD after TTC 2+ years
TTC#2 with Letrazole (Femara) since January 2012
BFP 06.29.12 EDD 03.11.13 natural m/c 07.13.12
BFP 09.22.12 EDD 05.31.13 natural m/c 10.07.12
CP 11.09.12
BFP 01.01.13 EDD 09.15.13 d&c 01.24.13

BFP 03.26.13 EDD 12.04.13
 

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Re: So Sad.

  • KaramelSutraKaramelSutra member
    Oh Hun, I'm so sorry. T&p for you
    The Mob Boss 
    Birth: 10lbs 11oz, 21.5 inches <> 1 mo: 14lbs 7oz, 23.5 inches    2mo: 18lbs 15oz, 25.5 inches <> 4mo: 26lbs 8oz, 27.5 inches6mo: 29lbs 8oz, 30 inches <> 9mo: 32lbs, 32 inches12 mo: 37lbs, 34.5 inches <> 15 mo: 38lbs 6 oz, 36 inches. 20.5 inch noggin18 mo: 43lbs, 37.75 inches 21 inch head2yr: 47 lbs, 42 inches. 21.5 inch head. Woah.  

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  • SigmundsGirlSigmundsGirl
    I'm so sorry, sweetie. I totally understand the worry of getting close to the age limit you have set. I am right there with you. But try not to stress about that. Just get through the here and now. There is always time to think about the future. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
    18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
    BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

    TTC #2 since Dec 2011
    BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

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  • KatInTheHat28KatInTheHat28
    I am so, so sorry for your loss.

    BFP #1 12/28/09 D&C 2/15/10
    BFP #2 DS
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    BFP #3 5/13/12 M/C 6/10/12
    BFP #4 8/12/12 M/C 8/18/12
    September 2012 - 2.5mg Femara + Ovidrel + TI = BFP #5 Beta #1 - 61 @ 12 dpo, Beta #2 - 183 @ 14 dpo, Beta #3 - 1466 @ 19 dpo
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  • MMA1109MMA1109
    I am so sorry for your loss.
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  • 74dragonfly74dragonfly member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Try not to think of your age right, just take time to grieve your loss. Hugs.




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  • BuckeyegirlangieBuckeyegirlangie

    I am so very sorry for your loss.  I completely understand about age.  I have set so many "timelines" for myself.  That's something that IF and SIF have taught me - live in the day, not in the plan. 

    I know that is no comfort to you now.  Again, I am so sorry.  

    Me - 37 years old with Endo; DH - MFI (motility); TTC #2 Since August 2011; IUI #1 December 2011 BFN; IUI #2 February 2012 Canceled due to MFI; tried naturally BFN; IUI #3 April 2012 BFP on 11 dpIUI, Beta on 12dpIUI 9.5, 14dpIUI 8 - Ended in chemical; On break while DH is on Clomid. IUI #4 September 2012 BFP on 10dpIUI; m/c Blighted Ovum TTC #1 January 2009 - March 2010; IUI + Injects - BFP! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • flows912flows912 member
    I'm so sorry about your loss .. hugs
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    MPZ born June 2011
    TTC #2 ... Cycle 1-3: IUI = BFN | Cycle 4: IVF ... canceled but 3 snow babies
    Cycle 5: FET .. BFP! | EDD - 3/15/2014
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  • e74e74 member
    I'm so very sorry!
    DS#1 born 9/23/06 
    Twins DS#2 and 3 born at 31 weeks, 3 days due to a short cervix on 8/2/13.
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  • WorkinWeezelWorkinWeezel member
    Oh Lauren. I am so sorry, sweetie. I have been checking for updates on you. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
    Met: 1/21/2005
    Married: 6/27/2008
    DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
    M/C 6/2012
    DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
    BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE! 
    M/C 12/12/2016
    BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
    EDD: 7/2/2018


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  • cislebride07cislebride07
    Thinking of you.
    Dx PCOS Three cycle of Clomid- BFN HSG- clear 6/09-Follistim and HCG IUI on 7/7/09 BFN 7/09- Follistim and Ovidrel IUI on 8/11/09 BFP! beta #1-342 beta #2-717 Joey was born on 5/5/10 Trying for #2 since 6/12 6/12- Gonal F and Ovidel IUI on 7/10. BFN 8/12- Gonal F and Ovidrel. IUI on 8/10. BFN 9/12- Gonal F and Ovidrel IUI BFN 10/22 Gonal F, Menopur, Ganirelex 11/4 trigger 11/6 ER 14R 10F 11/11 ET transferred one 4AA embryo beta 11/20! BFP Betas stop multiplying . m/c at 5 weeks moving on to FET if my numbers ever get back to 0!
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  • LSzwayaLSzwaya member
    I am SO sorry. 
    MC 4/09 at 6w2d 
    Rainbow Jude 
    born: 12/31/09
    Pre-E Induction at 36w4d
    11 Day NICU stay due to GBS infection

    TTC#2 10/2010
    M/C: 4/09/11 5w
    CP: 12/26/2011 
    CP: 1/28/2012 
    MMC: 4/16/2012 at 11w2d 
    Ectopic: 6/25/2012 MTX 07/03/12
    CP 11/24/2012 
    Rainbow Violet 
    born: 9/11/13

    All ALers welcome! 
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  • jeannaqueenajeannaqueena member
    Oh, Lauren.  I am heartbroken for you.  I know we haven't done our playdate yet....but I was soooo excited for you.  I know this is a tough time and just take it a day at a time.  I wish there was something I could say to make it better.   :(
    TTC#1: 14 months on our own (did HSG, b/w, SA);
    BFP on Cycle 14--TWINS! Identical twin boys stillborn at 19wks(1/9/10)
    3 break cycles; took clomid 50mg, BFP #2 Beta #1 35, Beta #2 338!!! Owen was born 2/11/11! 
    TTC#2: 4 cycles on clomid: BFNs
    BFP #3: Cycle #5 100mg clomid; beta #1 21; beta #2 6=CP 
    Cycle #6 break cycle TTC no meds=BFN
    Cycle #7: 150 clomid+ovidril+IUI=BFN (switched to RE)
    Cycle #8: follistem+ovidril+TI=BFN
    Cycle #9 Forced break due to cyst
    Cycle #10 follistem+ovidril+TI=BFN
    Cycle #11 follistem+ovidril+TI=BFN
    Cycle#12 Forced break due to cyst, went on BCP; did repeat HSG, Saline U/S
    Cycle #13 IVF: Follistim/Menapur ER 11-30 11 eggs, 5 mature, 4 fertilized and 3dt on 12-3; BFN
    Cycle #14: IVF#2 lupron/follistim/menopur ER 1-22, 19 eggs, 14 fertilized, 5dt on 1-27, BFP!! beta 1: 63, beta 2: 119; EDD 10-15-13; 1 frozen embie
    Miracle Surprise BFP, EDD 10-1-15; saw HB great Betas, 11weeks lost baby MC at home
    Moved forward with FET transfered solo frostie on 6-4-15, beta 1: 315, beta 2: 738, u/s showed one baby on track EDD 2-21-16
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  • Hnysckl426Hnysckl426
    Hugs - so sorry!
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  • KristyLynn26KristyLynn26 member
    I'm so so sorry! ((HUGS))
    imageimage

    First Time: DD born 3/2011 after trying for two years, LAP, and two IUIs w/ Femera + Ovidrel
    This Time: 4/12 Femera IUI #1 BFN, 5/12 Femera + TI BFN, 6/12 Femera + IUI #2 BFN, 7/12 Femera + IUI #3 BFN, 8/12 Follistim IUI #4 BFN
    IVF #1: ER 11/5/12 : 17 eggs retrieved/6 fertilized, ET 11/10/12 : 5dt of 2 embies/0 frosties BFN
    IVF #2: ER 1/28/13 : 12 eggs retrieved/9 fertilized, ET 2/2/13 : 5dt of 2 embies/0 frosties BFN
    IVF #3: ER 4/15/13 : 13 eggs retrieved/7 fertilized, ET 4/18/13 : 3dt of 3 embies/0 frosties BFN
    Laparoscopy 5/24/13 : Stage 2 Endo, Scaring, and Both tubes Blocked but successfully Opened
    IVF #4 (Clinical Trial): ER 7/22/13 : 15 eggs/8 fertilized, ET 7/25/13 : 3dt of 3 embies/0 frosties BFN
    IVF #5: ER 11/4/13 : 13 eggs/12 fertilized, ET 11/9/13 : 5dt of 2 embies/0 frosties BFP!!! Beta 11/20/13 = 447 1 Beautiful Baby! EDD: July 28, 2014
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  • ChiTown BridgetChiTown Bridget member
    Oh No. I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))
    After many years and tears our baby boy is finally here
    Born 11-6-10

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  • AprilDrew04AprilDrew04 member
    I'm sorry you are having to go through this.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Just remember you have many wonderful women rooting for you.  We just have to remember that God has his own timing for the blessings we seek.  I struggle with this daily.

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    DD conceived after 3 years of ttc.
    MFI - DH had varicocele repair and took Clomid to get DD b. 02/2010

    TTC #2 since 6/2010
    10/2012 DH diagnosed with Epilepsy
    A few failed IUIs summer 2012 and 2013. 
    DH taking clomid and waiting to see if he needs another vericocele repair. 
    Hoping for a 2015 baby or babies. 
    Wishing, hoping, waiting.


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