Well... There goes that friendship. :-/ (pg mentioned)

HayleyBaker1122 · October 2012

So, i wrote a while back and you guys were all very supportive about a friend who was going to be in my wedding a couple years back but couldn't because her dad died and it was too hard for her. I totally understood and was fine with her decision and made sure she was ok. She is pregnant now and the day after my m/c i got the invitation to her baby shower and I was so overwhelmed and knew I couldn't go. So i wrote her and told her it was too soon for me to go, and I was so sorry but it was too painful (it was going to be a month after my loss) and that I just couldn't handle it that close to my loss. She didn't write me back and when I finally wrote her again to make sure she got my note and she said she did but that she didn't write back because she was upset and thought that I should be there for her at this important time in her life.But that it was up to me.

I was so upset and after cooling off told her I'd see how i felt when it got closer.

So, update on the story...

A few days before her shower she wrote and asked if I was coming for rsvp numbers, I said i just didn't think I could handle it. Just getting her present at the store in the baby section made me cry.

She didn't write back... so I said, are you mad again? and she said "no. i got your reply."

So, i sent a present with my friend and a nice note.

A few days after the shower I wrote her and said that I hoped she had a great shower and I'm so sorry about the timing and wish I could have been there.

She didn't reply.

So I wrote the next day and said "Sigh... I'll just assume you had a good time."

It's 3 weeks from that last time I wrote her and she hasn't spoken to me at all... no thanks for the gift, no sorry, nothing. (And to clarify, she doesn't usually not write back... she always writes back)

I'm so sick of her treating me like this when I'm the one who has the right to be upset.. I'm so over it. My husband keeps saying I need to just forget her, and I think I'm finally listening to him by now and I'm just so over it.

One thing about having a m/c is you learn who your real friends are.

Anyway, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening guys!

SunshinyLees · October 2012

Oh hun that sucks! Especially hurtful since you've reached out to her and she continues to ignore you. Ugh! .Personally I wouldn't contact her again and a hopefully its just her crazy pregnancy hormones talking and eventually she'll come around and appologize or b maybe she's not as good as a friend as you thought and it's time to reevaluate. I feel for you especially since you think she'd get it with her father passing. But really I just don't think people truly understand how we feel unless they've experienced a miscarriage themselves. hugs sweetie xox

mama2j · October 2012

SunshinyLees:
Oh hun that sucks! Especially hurtful since you've reached out to her and she continues to ignore you. Ugh! .Personally I wouldn't contact her again and a hopefully its just her crazy pregnancy hormones talking and eventually she'll come around and appologize or b maybe she's not as good as a friend as you thought and it's time to reevaluate. I feel for you especially since you think she'd get it with her father passing. But really I just don't think people truly understand how we feel unless they've experienced a miscarriage themselves. hugs sweetie xox

This. I am so sorry hon. It's hard when people show their true colors, and its not what you would expect.

LSzwaya · October 2012

car seat:
F'?ck_her. I hope she tears.

Yes She sounds insensitive and inconsiderate.

lovelainie · October 2012

car seat:
F'?ck_her. I hope she tears.

This.

((hugs))

I'm sorry your friend sucks, but it seems to me like you're probably better without friends who treat you like that. A real friend would totally understand (or at least try to).

Smash2009 · October 2012

mama2j:
SunshinyLees:
Oh hun that sucks! Especially hurtful since you've reached out to her and she continues to ignore you. Ugh! .Personally I wouldn't contact her again and a hopefully its just her crazy pregnancy hormones talking and eventually she'll come around and appologize or b maybe she's not as good as a friend as you thought and it's time to reevaluate. I feel for you especially since you think she'd get it with her father passing. But really I just don't think people truly understand how we feel unless they've experienced a miscarriage themselves. hugs sweetie xox
This. I am so sorry hon. It's hard when people show their true colors, and its not what you would expect.

So true...all of this. She needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her. Sorry you are dealing with this, but I would definitely move on, even if it's hard and frustrating. Hugs!

AmeliaKris · October 2012

What an awful friend. U deserve better. Time to cut ur losses. Sorry.

asglover514 · October 2012

lovelainie:
car seat:
F'?ck_her. I hope she tears.
This.
((hugs))
I'm sorry your friend sucks, but it seems to me like you're probably better without friends who treat you like that. A real friend would totally understand (or at least try to).

This. *hugs* I'm so sorry hun. You understood her situation with your wedding but if she can't understand how her pregnancy can hurt you it's not worth the pain.

mrsgabus · October 2012

SHe is not worth your time, let her be and move on without her.

She is obviously in her own selfish world, I hope she wakes up one day and realizes she lost a good friend.

lindsayanne14 · October 2012

Sorry...your situation really stinks! It's so hard when friendships end, at this point in my life I just have too much else going on to waste time on someone who isn't worth it. This lady doesn't seem like she's worth your time!

km_md · October 2012

I'm sorry {hugs} I can't believe that she is treating you like this when she had to miss your wedding because of the death of a family member. She should at least have some type of understanding. As hard as it is, I think that you will be better off with out her. You are clearly the bigger person here - you accepted her inability to attend your wedding, you explained your situation, you went and bought her a gift and made sure that she got it.

luciddreamer106 · October 2012

Wow, what a b!tch. I know it's hard to say goodbye to friends, but I don't think I would be able to get over that. I think any friend who is that insensitive and can't be empathetic to what you're going through, doesn't deserve to be your friend.

kread8 · October 2012

She doesn't sound like a very good friend, I wouldn't write her back if I were you. She needs to realize that the world doesn't revolve around her. You would think she would have a little bit of compassion...Sorry hun, big {{hugs}}. Sometimes it's best to cut certain "friends" out of your life.

mgh2008 · October 2012

I'm so sorry. She does not sound like someone you need to be worried about right now because she is obviously not worried about how you are doing, and that sucks! Surround yourself with positive people who will understand what you are going through and be there for you when you need them, like you were for her when her father passed away. ((Hugs))

weaslewam · October 2012

This may have been mentioned before, but did you ask her to remember the time you understood when she wasn't there for you because she was in pain? I mean, it's hard for people to understand what a loss can really feel like without going through it but maybe that would put it into perspective.

People that are blessed with their healthy, lasting pregnancies are naive. Don't let her get to you.

(((HUGS)))

KikiCohen · October 2012

SunshinyLees:
Oh hun that sucks! Especially hurtful since you've reached out to her and she continues to ignore you. Ugh! .Personally I wouldn't contact her again and a hopefully its just her crazy pregnancy hormones talking and eventually she'll come around and appologize or b maybe she's not as good as a friend as you thought and it's time to reevaluate. I feel for you especially since you think she'd get it with her father passing. But really I just don't think people truly understand how we feel unless they've experienced a miscarriage themselves. hugs sweetie xox

This! (hugs)

CMSullivan326 · October 2012

car seat:
F'ck_her.nbsp; I hope she tears.

BAAAHAHAHA! You're awesome!

But seriously, that's not cool that she did that. And you are so right, after you miscarry you find out who your friends are. FRIENDS support you and at least try to understand. Sounds like you need to let her go....

HUGS!

Meow7511 · October 2012

How incredibly insensitive! I think you were super gracious and hell you sent her a gift! Let's be real, we all know no matter what baby showers are usually pretty dull and it's all about watching someone unwrap gifts for hours. Sorry if I sound bitter here! But I mean it is true. You sent a sweet note and a gift, and who can honestly expect you to sit through a shower a month after your loss. She sounds a little self centered. And I sound a little bitter and cranky, so Im going to end on the note of HUGS to you! I hope she realizes her mistake and apologizes cause you deserve one.

Shanpan4 · October 2012

I'm sorry that you are going through this. No one truly understands what we go through unless they have had a loss too, but that doesn't excuse the insensitivity she is displaying. You have gone more than out of your way to contact her. You even bought her a gift and she doesn't have the decency to just say "thank you" and "I'm sorry."

It's her loss. ((Hugs))!

LAMCH1980 · October 2012

I'm so sorry that you were put in this position and that she treated you this way. Anyone in their right mind should understand why a shower would have been tough for you. What a B.

OSUJaydee · October 2012

Wow, how incredibly insensitive. I'm sorry that she's being such a b!tch, but it sounds like you are better off without her!

Jenibug05 · October 2012

SunshinyLees:
Oh hun that sucks! Especially hurtful since you've reached out to her and she continues to ignore you. Ugh! .Personally I wouldn't contact her again and a hopefully its just her crazy pregnancy hormones talking and eventually she'll come around and appologize or b maybe she's not as good as a friend as you thought and it's time to reevaluate. I feel for you especially since you think she'd get it with her father passing. But really I just don't think people truly understand how we feel unless they've experienced a miscarriage themselves. hugs sweetie xox

This exactly. I would be so mad. You were very understanding when her father died and she's not willing to even try to understand your feelings. I recently let go of a good close friend. It's hard, but you deserve better.

HayleyBaker1122 · October 2012

weaslewam:
This may have been mentioned before, but did you ask her to remember the time you understood when she wasn't there for you because she was in pain?

When she originally told me she thought I should go and support her I said "It's just too hard for me right now, and I thought you would understand because of what happened with you dad. I'm really sorry, I'll see how I feel when it gets closer but it's just so hard."

So... I did remind her of that situation... but she didn't respond to that.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support, you're all the best. I love having people that I know understand how I feel.

mlcarter007 · October 2012

Wow she is really incredible. I'm so sorry you have to stress about this when you are probably already stressed out enough! How selfish of her! I hope things get better! Hugs!

jbg23 · October 2012

Ugh. I know it is difficult to cut a friend out of your life, no matter how toxic, but it sounds like this is someone that really needs to be cut off.

(hugs) I'm sorry you are going through this!

RedPhoenix625 · October 2012

HayleyBaker1122:
One thing about having a m/c is you learn who your real friends are.

You certainly do. Your friend is being selfish. Still, it sucks to have that realization and lose a friend over something like this when she should be there for you and try to understand what you are going through...like you did for her!

Losing a friend stinks. I'm sorry that she's not one of the keepers.

funny bunny · October 2012

I think everyone here can tell a story where we lost a friendship or a relationship because of our losses. At least I know I can tell this story myself.

The important thing is that you realize that this friend is no friend at all. *Hugs* I know it's tough to let go, but you are better off because of it.

linzeeh80 · October 2012

car seat:
F'?ck_her. I hope she tears.

Love this! Lol

Sorry your friend is such an insensitive selfish douchebag!

baby101010 · October 2012

What a self centered little twat. Seriously- she needs to get over herself...

ravenclaw1 · October 2012

HayleyBaker1122:
weaslewam:
This may have been mentioned before, but did you ask her to remember the time you understood when she wasn't there for you because she was in pain?

When she originally told me she thought I should go and support her I said "It's just too hard for me right now, and I thought you would understand because of what happened with you dad. I'm really sorry, I'll see how I feel when it gets closer but it's just so hard."
So... I did remind her of that situation... but she didn't respond to that.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support, you're all the best. I love having people that I know understand how I feel.

wow. this makes her suck even worse. what a B

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