Newly pregnant with sudden sense of guilt!

jaymiegerard · October 2012

Hi all - maybe you can help me out of this rut of thinking...

I am (very) new with a planned pregnancy. My son will be 21 months when baby arrives, and I'm suddenly feeling very guilty about having another baby.

I'm really worried that DS will be heart-broken and feel rejected when I need to hold the baby instead of him. He is so attached to me, and I know it may just be a phase, but he's always been this way.

I really want my kids to be close in age, and I'm not unhappy about the pregnancy, but I am afraid that having a second will scar my first, KWIM?

Can anyone share what you did to help transition LO#1 and minimize anxiety and feelings of rejection?

Am I over-thinking this? (I hope) [:S

erika1677 · October 2012

I will be keeping an eye on this post. This is a concern of mine also. I am very happy to have this little one on the way but sometimes I just feel so sad for DD.

mrsmonak · October 2012

I'm in the same boat. I just found out I was pregnant, and it was planned. My son will be 22 months. I'd like to see some responses. Right now he's so dependent on me, especially since I am still nursing.

sweetpea2003 · October 2012

No, you will not hurt your first child.

Remember, the first born is the only child you will ever have that will get your "undivided" attention. The idea that first babies are going to be ruined by their siblings is honestly a strange concept to me. What about the second and third? I never hear "OMG, the baby I am pregnant with is going to be scarred by the toddler who needs my attention constantly".

I'm not trying ot make fun of you or downplay your anxiety. Just trying to give you a dose of reality.

Will it be hard? Maybe. Will you have tough times where both kids want you? Yep! But at the end of the day, will your first be "scarred" by having a sibling 21 months younger? No. Definitely not.

The early months are hard, but it is a wonderful thing for siblings to have one another. Mine are 16 months apart (and are 3 and almost 2 now) and it is great 90% of the time .

bellelamb · October 2012

I thought the same but my Nathan was 18 months when Lucas was born and I thought he'd be jealous but he loves his brother so much. He showed his jealousy in acting out in other ways but has always been great with Lucas. Now he even kisses him all the time. I still wish I had more time for both of them but only five months in they love to play together. Don't worry kids are better at adjusting to change than we are.

mbgreenwalt · October 2012

It is normal to have those feelings, but in my experience they faded as my pregnancy advanced. Once DD2 was born I realized how ridiculous those thoughts were.

My girls are 21 months apart and DD1 did great with DD2, she actually didn't pay much attention to her until she started rolling around and grabbing her toys. There are days where it is a balancing act to give everyone the attention they need, but you all adapt.

Mommy2CB · October 2012

I am 4 weeks along and my DS will be 22 months when new baby arrives (expecting to go early like last time). When DH and I first started talking about TTC I went through a lot of emotions, mostly about how new baby would affect DS. I came to the conclusion that you just need to look at it as giving your DS a sibling, not taking anything away from him. Get him involved with the baby so he doesn't feel left out.. Also, he is going to be a lot older and may be happy playing on his own when you are feeding baby etc. It will all be OK

ilove613 · October 2012

OMG i love this board! I just found out that I was preg last night! (about 4 weeks now) and my LO will be around 22 months. I'm so nervous/excited about the thought of having 2 kids around 2 years apart! It's so nice to have the support knowing that other ppl are doing it and surviving it!

spolan · October 2012

Thank you so much for posting this. I just found out last week that I am pg and there will be 16m between my DD and this LO. I was feeling super guilty this morning while we were playing that we wouldn't get anymore time like this and that this second LO wouldn't get my undivided attention like DD got/gets had I gotten pg when DD was a little older.

howleyshell · October 2012

See posts above "It gets easier" and "New with questions" for most of my feedback on this subject but wanted to add that from what I've seen and heard from friends it's the 3-4 yr old crowd that tends to have a harder time with the transition, jealousy, etc.

With the first being so young mine honestly didn't pay much attention to the baby until he was old enough to swipe his toys. Even then he viewed him more as a pet until he could walk and play with him.

Was he thrilled about not always being Mom's #1 priority? Nope. But he didn't necessarily correlate it to or have animosity towards the baby.

We started working on some things before the baby came like delayed gratification, getting himself into the car, up and down stairs, etc. I think it helped that he didn't just get a cold turkey "you have to wait a minute" from me after the baby came.

Want a personalized experience?

Newly pregnant with sudden sense of guilt!

Re: Newly pregnant with sudden sense of guilt!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards