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Anyone From Iowa?

NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
in Blended Families

DH and I live out of state, and BM finally has agreed to joint custody of SS. We recently found out that BM has been partying with SS in the house and has many people living in the house with her. SS has issues with not bathing when he is with her, and her leaving him alone for long periods of time (he is 6). We were told by our attorney that these instances alone are not enough to get custody of SS as Iowa is a Woman's state. SS is hardly ever with BM, and her parents are not much better. DH provides a cellphone for SS which BM broke. This is the only way for us to communicate with SS, as she refuses to answer when we call. It has been 2 weeks since we have talked to SS, but have seen BM posting pictures of parties at her house with SS in his undies late at night. Does anyone have any experience with DHS in Iowa?

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Re: Anyone From Iowa?

  • docco11docco11 member

    I am from IA and have experience with the CS laws there.  Your attorney is correct, IA is a pro-mother state.  All you can do is document until you have a history and then bring to the judge.  You probably don't have proof that your SS is being left alone, do you? 

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  • AmeliaKrisAmeliaKris member
    Iowa laws do suck for the guys. Luckily DH got all 3 kids cause BM decided she didn't want to parent. And the oldest one isn't even my husband's. The BD of that one went out for diapers and never came back. I hope things work out for u. All I can tell u is to document EVERYTHING.
    BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
    We called him and asked what he was doing and he stated that he was watching TV until mom came back from the store. We live 16 hours away and cannot drive over there immediately to check on him when he says this.
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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl

    We have been documenting everything, and they share 50/50 legal custody, but ss has had some health issues that are caused by not bathing and not brushing his teeth (his baby teeth have started rotting). He takes a bath at our house every night and brushes his teeth. She just doesnt want to take the time to remind him, he is only 6. It just breaks my heart when he calls me crying and begging for me to come get him. All summer long, we had him and she called twice, and only once talked to him and that was to tell him she was going to the races and it was too bad he wanted to see his dad cuz if he was with her she would have taken him, but she doesnt take him when he is there.

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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
    imagewendilea:

    My stepkids are in Iowa, and it is def. a pro-mom state.  Document everything, like PP said.  If you talk to SS and he says he's alone, call for a welfare check.  Yes, it will suck for the police to have to come to the house, but it will prove he was alone.   Facebook is admissible in court - print it all out.  If you're allowed phone contact per the CO and she's denying it, file contempt.  If you file enough charges, eventually a judge will see the light.  It sucks, and it's hard, and I wish you the very best of luck.

    Here's a helpful website:  www.iowafathers.com

     

     

    Thanks! We have Iowa father's on Facebook. and we have been printing everything on Facebook. Can I PM you?

     

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  • +j+k++j+k+

    How can you have 50/50 legal custody if you are 16 hours away??

    I'm in Iowa and about to seperate and divorce my husband. My lawyer told me that you can't have 50/50 unless you have an arrangement that is literally, 50/50 where DD lives half the time in my home and half in H's.  H will live a couple hours away and our agreement will be that I have primary custody.  Just curious.

    Iowa's DHS leaves a lot to be desired and from what I understand some counties are very bogged down with cases and not enough help and resources to stay on top of everything.  Keep documenting and keep reporting. I also recommend you find an Iowa lawyer to advise you to effectively file and fight for custody.

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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
    image+j+k+:

    How can you have 50/50 legal custody if you are 16 hours away??

    I'm in Iowa and about to seperate and divorce my husband. My lawyer told me that you can't have 50/50 unless you have an arrangement that is literally, 50/50 where DD lives half the time in my home and half in H's.  H will live a couple hours away and our agreement will be that I have primary custody.  Just curious.

    Iowa's DHS leaves a lot to be desired and from what I understand some counties are very bogged down with cases and not enough help and resources to stay on top of everything.  Keep documenting and keep reporting. I also recommend you find an Iowa lawyer to advise you to effectively file and fight for custody.

    We have 50/50 legal custody. BM has primary custody of SS. We have an Iowa attorney. DHS has been a pain every step of the way. They recomended DH pay 2/3 of his pay check to BM because of what she "thought" DH made due to what she is hearing second hand from news reports of what people can make in the oil fields in ND. Just frustrated with it all. Miss SS dearly, we have not talked to him in 2 weeks as BM broke his cell phone, refuses to answer her phone when we call, and will not Skype with us.

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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
    Wendilea it will not let me pm you.  :(
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