Vent

cole2144 · October 2012

So now BM has decided that SD has to attend dance class the one day of the week we pick her up. She wants to push our pickup time back at least a half hour but keep her pick up time the same. How bout no! My husband only gets EOW, every bit of time matters.

Holly_1007 · October 2012

i can see where you are frustrated, just trying to play devils advocate a little bit here... its not like she picks which days the dance studio offers the particular classes sd wants to do, and a half hr later pick up isnt awful. although i do agree with you, drop off should be later if pick up is later. and anything more than a half an hour is just frustrating. but at the same time, if sd is really excited about dance class i wouldnt want to be the reason she doesnt get to do it..

CFjo2010 · October 2012

holly71087:
i can see where you are frustrated, just trying to play devils advocate a little bit here... its not like she picks which days the dance studio offers the particular classes sd wants to do, and a half hr later pick up isnt awful. although i do agree with you, drop off should be later if pick up is later. and anything more than a half an hour is just frustrating. but at the same time, if sd is really excited about dance class i wouldnt want to be the reason she doesnt get to do it..

It sounds like the OP is saying that BM knew the class day and time and still chose to put SD in it.

I feel your frustration, and that is total crap OP. I would be annoyed too. I know 1/2 an hour doesn't seem like much, but depending on what time of day it is that 1/2 hour could impact traffic conditions, hinder the normal dinner routine, etc. How long is the dance class going on? Is it a set program (like 6 weeks) or is it an ongoing class?

cole2144 · October 2012

jobalchak:
holly71087:
i can see where you are frustrated, just trying to play devils advocate a little bit here... its not like she picks which days the dance studio offers the particular classes sd wants to do, and a half hr later pick up isnt awful. although i do agree with you, drop off should be later if pick up is later. and anything more than a half an hour is just frustrating. but at the same time, if sd is really excited about dance class i wouldnt want to be the reason she doesnt get to do it..

It sounds like the OP is saying that BM knew the class day and time and still chose to put SD in it.

I feel your frustration, and that is total crap OP. I would be annoyed too. I know 1/2 an hour doesn't seem like much, but depending on what time of day it is that 1/2 hour could impact traffic conditions, hinder the normal dinner routine, etc. How long is the dance class going on? Is it a set program (like 6 weeks) or is it an ongoing class?

She knew dance class would interfere with my husband`s time so she should have asked him. There are plenty of dance studios out there. I think it is also an issue because SD is only 5 and she will be at daycare by 8 at the latest in the morning and goes straight from there to dance @ 4:30 which does not end until 6:30. Long day for a 5 year old. Plus they live in center city near the stadiums and pickup day is on a prime game night for baseball, sometimes hockey or both. The class is all year long.

cymtz13 · October 2012

Why doesn't DS go watch her at dance class. If he does, he really isn't losing out on any time with her.

This is almost the exact situation I have with DD and my ex. He gets her EOW and every Monday. It was suggested that DD be moved into an advanced dance class which cut into his time by an hour. I didn't really discuss it with him, although I know I should have, because it's something DD wanted to do. He didn't really have a problem and now picks her up from the studio and on some days he actually goes and watches her.

cole2144 · October 2012

cymtz13:
Why doesn't DS go watch her at dance class. If he does, he really isn't losing out on any time with her.

This is almost the exact situation I have with DD and my ex. He gets her EOW and every Monday. It was suggested that DD be moved into an advanced dance class which cut into his time by an hour. I didn't really discuss it with him, although I know I should have, because it's something DD wanted to do. He didn't really have a problem and now picks her up from the studio and on some days he actually goes and watches her.

Because it all has to be on BM`s terms and she wants to get her. We just got notice of our court date today so hopefully this kinda of stuff will stop happening.

kimmygirl77 · October 2012

how can she stop you from watching?? i am not trying to be snarky, just curious. i mean it is a public place right? anyone can go. i would think that SD would love to have your DH and you there. it shows support. i get that BM is there and it could get awkward..... but if she starts anything, let her. then she will be showing her true colors in front of everyone. my guess is she will do nothing for fear of looking foolish to the other parents.

edit: also if she revokes your time, i would still show up and document that you are still going to support SD even though BM wont let you take her. that will show the court another way she is out of control.

cole2144 · October 2012

kimmygirl77:
how can she stop you from watching?? i am not trying to be snarky, just curious. i mean it is a public place right? anyone can go. i would think that SD would love to have your DH and you there. it shows support. i get that BM is there and it could get awkward..... but if she starts anything, let her. then she will be showing her true colors in front of everyone. my guess is she will do nothing for fear of looking foolish to the other parents. edit: also if she revokes your time, i would still show up and document that you are still going to support SD even though BM wont let you take her. that will show the court another way she is out of control.

DH does not like to subject SD to her mother`s bad behavior when she does not get her way. We just got a court date for the end of the month so this will be addressed.

kimmygirl77 · October 2012

cole2144:
kimmygirl77:
how can she stop you from watching?? i am not trying to be snarky, just curious. i mean it is a public place right? anyone can go. i would think that SD would love to have your DH and you there. it shows support. i get that BM is there and it could get awkward..... but if she starts anything, let her. then she will be showing her true colors in front of everyone. my guess is she will do nothing for fear of looking foolish to the other parents.

edit: also if she revokes your time, i would still show up and document that you are still going to support SD even though BM wont let you take her. that will show the court another way she is out of control.
DH does not like to subject SD to her mother`s bad behavior when she does not get her way. We just got a court date for the end of the month so this will be addressed.

but this just shows SD that all you have to do is throw a fit and you'll get your way. I swear SD will want you there. if you stay away it is sending the message that you dont care. if you go and BM puts on a scene then SD will know that you tried and dont care about her mother's dramatics. she will know that you put up with the bullsht because you love her and want to see and support her dance. one day when she grows up and looks back she will remember that her dad basically walked thru fire to see her at her activities. And that will show the unconditional love he has for her.

cymtz13 · October 2012

kimmygirl77:
cole2144:
kimmygirl77:
how can she stop you from watching?? i am not trying to be snarky, just curious. i mean it is a public place right? anyone can go. i would think that SD would love to have your DH and you there. it shows support. i get that BM is there and it could get awkward..... but if she starts anything, let her. then she will be showing her true colors in front of everyone. my guess is she will do nothing for fear of looking foolish to the other parents. edit: also if she revokes your time, i would still show up and document that you are still going to support SD even though BM wont let you take her. that will show the court another way she is out of control.
DH does not like to subject SD to her mother`s bad behavior when she does not get her way. We just got a court date for the end of the month so this will be addressed.
but this just shows SD that all you have to do is throw a fit and you'll get your way. I swear SD will want you there. if you stay away it is sending the message that you dont care. if you go and BM puts on a scene then SD will know that you tried and dont care about her mother's dramatics. she will know that you put up with the bullsht because you love her and want to see and support her dance. one day when she grows up and looks back she will remember that her dad basically walked thru fire to see her at her activities. And that will show the unconditional love he has for her.

This exactly! And if BM throws a fit in front of SD that will only go against her in court. We got more time with SS because BM would constantly badmouth BF around him.

twister22 · October 2012

cole2144:
kimmygirl77:
how can she stop you from watching?? i am not trying to be snarky, just curious. i mean it is a public place right? anyone can go. i would think that SD would love to have your DH and you there. it shows support. i get that BM is there and it could get awkward..... but if she starts anything, let her. then she will be showing her true colors in front of everyone. my guess is she will do nothing for fear of looking foolish to the other parents. edit: also if she revokes your time, i would still show up and document that you are still going to support SD even though BM wont let you take her. that will show the court another way she is out of control.
DH does not like to subject SD to her mother`s bad behavior when she does not get her way. We just got a court date for the end of the month so this will be addressed.

YAY, YAY, YAY!!! Honestly, I think YH should attend the dance classes. If BM throws a fit and revokes visitation, that will look AWFUL on her in court at the end of the month, and completely play in your favor. I'm sure you've mentioned this before - but you have everything ready with your attorney and have been documenting everything, correct? Can you get the documented things to the judge beforehand so that he/she will actually read over it?

twister22 · October 2012

Oh, and you guys should definitely be getting an extra 30 minutes tacked on at the end.

Ilumine · October 2012

cole2144:

DH does not like to subject SD to her mother`s bad behavior when she does not get her way. We just got a court date for the end of the month so this will be addressed.

So instead, your SD sees her father as someone who is either spineless, or who doesnt care enough. Yeah that is much better?

The reality is, non custodial parents - mainly the fathers - who never fight for their kids do more harm by NOT being the best role model possible, then the kids will ever get if their mother has a hissy fit.

I mean really, why is yoru husband tyring to keep BM's facade up?

cole2144 · October 2012

Ilumine:
cole2144:

DH does not like to subject SD to her mother`s bad behavior when she does not get her way. We just got a court date for the end of the month so this will be addressed.

So instead, your SD sees her father as someone who is either spineless, or who doesnt care enough. Yeah that is much better?

The reality is, non custodial parents - mainly the fathers - who never fight for their kids do more harm by NOT being the best role model possible, then the kids will ever get if their mother has a hissy fit.

I mean really, why is yoru husband tyring to keep BM's facade up?

Whoa take it down a notch lady. My husband fights for his daughter just fine but sometimes it is not worth embarrassing your child in front of her little friends and watching her cry because her mother is ripping her father apart and she is torn in between. You have to pick your battles. We will be in court soon so all of this will be addressed.

Ilumine · October 2012

cole2144:
Ilumine:
cole2144:

DH does not like to subject SD to her mother`s bad behavior when she does not get her way. We just got a court date for the end of the month so this will be addressed.

So instead, your SD sees her father as someone who is either spineless, or who doesnt care enough. Yeah that is much better?

The reality is, non custodial parents - mainly the fathers - who never fight for their kids do more harm by NOT being the best role model possible, then the kids will ever get if their mother has a hissy fit.

I mean really, why is yoru husband tyring to keep BM's facade up?

Whoa take it down a notch lady. My husband fights for his daughter just fine but sometimes it is not worth embarrassing your child in front of her little friends and watching her cry because her mother is ripping her father apart and she is torn in between. You have to pick your battles. We will be in court soon so all of this will be addressed.

I am not saying that THIS is the battle, but at some point you have to load teh live ammo because if you honestly believe that BM is going to go BSC in a public place like a dance studio, then she will go BSC at any time, with or wtihout a CO telling her not to.

Ginger516 · October 2012

I am a bit confused. If as you say there are plenty of dance studios out there then why doesn't your husband do some research and find one with a more appropriate schedule and present it to the mother? Worse case scenario he can demonstrate to the court how unreasonable she is being.

Wahoo · October 2012

Ginger516:
I am a bit confused. If as you say there are plenty of dance studios out there then why doesn't your husband do some research and find one with a more appropriate schedule and present it to the mother? Worse case scenario he can demonstrate to the court how unreasonable she is being.

This. May daughter is in dance, and people change dance studios all the time. My daughter is at her current studio b/c she wanted to take hip-hop, and the place that all her friends went to only had hip-hop on a day of the week that didn't work for us. Since then, many of her friends have switched to other studios - for various reasons. Children do not get that attached to their dance class friends b/c the children switch around so much (some drop dance after a few years, etc.). It's not like SD is 16 and has been dancing with the same girls all of her life.

I'm glad you have a court date. Otherwise I would say that your H should just tell BM that if she wants their DD to take dance, she has to find a different day, b/c he will be picking his daugther up at as scheduled per the CO.

Obviously, if she were willing to compromise, she would offer to take SD back later. Just do what you can to show that you were willing to compromise, but that BM is unreasonable.

cole2144 · October 2012

Ginger516:
I am a bit confused. If as you say there are plenty of dance studios out there then why doesn't your husband do some research and find one with a more appropriate schedule and present it to the mother? Worse case scenario he can demonstrate to the court how unreasonable she is being.

Here is what people are not seeming to get, this is the BM show. We have no say, until there is a CO, my DH just keeps making suggestions and BM just says no, every time.

kimmygirl77 · October 2012

cole2144:
Ginger516:
I am a bit confused. If as you say there are plenty of dance studios out there then why doesn't your husband do some research and find one with a more appropriate schedule and present it to the mother?  Worse case scenario he can demonstrate to the court how unreasonable she is being.
Here is what people are not seeming to get, this is the BM show. We have no say, until there is a CO, my DH just keeps making suggestions and BM just says no, every time.

time to take away power from BM. dance is a public place. There is no reason that you and DH cant go. i have a feeling if you tell a judge you cant go to dance because BM said NO, the court will tell you it is a public place and she cant tell you no. they dont want to hear about what you speculate will happen if you go. they want to know the fit BM threw when you went. Please take the power away from BM for SD sake. let her see your DH fighting for her. Show her you love her and not even her own mom will keep you away.

cole2144 · October 2012

kimmygirl77:
cole2144:
Ginger516:
I am a bit confused. If as you say there are plenty of dance studios out there then why doesn't your husband do some research and find one with a more appropriate schedule and present it to the mother? Worse case scenario he can demonstrate to the court how unreasonable she is being.
Here is what people are not seeming to get, this is the BM show. We have no say, until there is a CO, my DH just keeps making suggestions and BM just says no, every time.
time to take away power from BM. dance is a public place. There is no reason that you and DH cant go. i have a feeling if you tell a judge you cant go to dance because BM said NO, the court will tell you it is a public place and she cant tell you no. they dont want to hear about what you speculate will happen if you go. they want to know the fit BM threw when you went. Please take the power away from BM for SD sake. let her see your DH fighting for her. Show her you love her and not even her own mom will keep you away.

Look my husband fights for his rights for his daughter but when BM says it`s her way or no visitation, without a CO there is not a whole lot we can do until we go to court. Now don`t misunderstand, that does not mean that he just agrees with everything she says, he voices his disagreement over email or texts but if comes down to not seeing SD then BM can have the win FOR NOW.

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