getting him to eat is a battle

vanessaNOV2 · October 2012

DS is turning 3 in a month and still only eats chicken nuggets, peanut butter, oatmeal and fruit. And even with these foods as his fav it still takes up to an hr to finish lunch and dinner. Its a constant battle. Ive tried sticker chart with prize at end, he didnt care. Ive tried positive verbal reinforcement, again didnt help. Finally i told him he cant get down from the table until he finishes. And its not like i m giving him a giant plate of food, literally 2 chicken nuggets, and 1/4 of a pear takes him an hour. He fights me the whole time. I dont know how he survives and continues to grow with the tiny amounts of food he eats. If he asks for a snack in between meals he gets fruit. If he eats all his breakfast he gets milk after, but the rest of the day water to drink.

Is there light at the end of this picky eater tunnel? Or do some kids have tiny appetites and hate food??

dazidog · October 2012

My DD doesn't hate food but my sister-in-law struggled big time with her DS and eating! They tried everything from "you sit there til you are done" to a reward system to taking toys away. The thing that finally worked.....doing absolutely nothing. They provide him with nutrious food and if he eats it then good and if he doesn't then they provide him with nutrious food the next meal.

You could always talk to your doctor to rule out any health concerns but generally speaking a toddler will not starve themselves, if they are hungry and need food or drink then they will eat/drink. Could it be possible that have created a power struggle with your LO? I know it's hard as parents because we want our LO's to be healthy and have that general idea in our head as to what that entails.

My parents used to make us sit at the table until every last bite was gone. I will never ever do that to my kids. If DD's aren't that hungry then I don't force it, I know she will eat when she needs to. He may just have a tiny appetite. I would say as long as when he does eat he's getting some good foods then leave it alone. He's appetite will probably go back up again.

LoveEeyore · October 2012

dazidog:

My DD doesn't hate food but my sister-in-law struggled big time with her DS and eating! They tried everything from "you sit there til you are done" to a reward system to taking toys away. The thing that finally worked.....doing absolutely nothing. They provide him with nutrious food and if he eats it then good and if he doesn't then they provide him with nutrious food the next meal.

You could always talk to your doctor to rule out any health concerns but generally speaking a toddler will not starve themselves, if they are hungry and need food or drink then they will eat/drink. Could it be possible that have created a power struggle with your LO? I know it's hard as parents because we want our LO's to be healthy and have that general idea in our head as to what that entails.

My parents used to make us sit at the table until every last bite was gone. I will never ever do that to my kids. If DD's aren't that hungry then I don't force it, I know she will eat when she needs to. He may just have a tiny appetite. I would say as long as when he does eat he's getting some good foods then leave it alone. He's appetite will probably go back up again.

This is terrific advice!

ncbelle · October 2012

I agree that this sounds like it's just become a power struggle. I would serve what's for dinner and let him eat what he eats. Don't make a big deal of it - just eat along with him and engage in cheerful conversation (dinner is fun - make it a happy time not a time for fighting!). And stay firm on the "what's for dinner is what's for dinner" rule. He will eventually get hungry and eat! And some days he just may not be that hungry (some nights Callum only eats a few bites and he definitely keeps growing).

KathrynMD · October 2012

Let it go - food shouldn't be a battle and nothing horrible will happen if your skips a few meals. Your job is to provide health foods at appropriate times and his job to pick what and how much of it he eats.

If that means one day all he eats is some noodles at a meal and skips the fruit and meat, so be it. Ask him if he's done, if the answer is yes, say OK, great. We'll have another meal at X and then be done with it.

I'd also try to make breakfast and lunch bigger meals. DD is pretty beat by dinner time and unless she really, really likes what we're having, she wont' eat much.

jlw2505 · October 2012

Stop making food a battle - it is one you will lose. Include him in shopping, meal planning, cooking etc. Make food fun and not a struggle. Making him clean his plate (no matter how little you put on it) is setting him up for a life of food issues. He will eat when he is hungry. From what I gather in your post, he is growing and not having any issues so don't create one where there is not one. Put a small amount of each food on his plate and have him sit with you at the table while you eat. If dinner lasts 30 mins (when you are done basically), the meal is over. We do this with my younger DD (4 1/2) who is at the play stage. She will mess around and then decide she wants to eat when everyone else is done. We have told her that we sit down as a family to eat and when we are done, the meal is over. It works wonders. If my chose to not eat at a meal, then they don't eat. We don't graze throughout the day, snacks are limited. The kids can have an endless amount of water. No juice on a regular basis and milk at meals when they ask but they can't drink more than a sip until they have eaten other food.

jlw2505 · October 2012

Oh and we don't make anything separate. Everyone eats what the main meal is and I make sure there is something that everyone will eat as part of the meal. If the kids eat everything and have finished at least 75% of the meal, if they want something else like a cheese stick, yogurt or fruit, that is fine but if they choose not to eat or not to each much, they don't get anything else.

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