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2nd Trimester
unhdncr21
member
SIL "stealing my thunder" lol (vent)
unhdncr21
member
So my SIL came over to visit today and maybe no more than 3 minutes after walking into the house she starts a conversation off with "Well, I don't want to steal your thunder.... but I am pg". I tried very hard not to laugh because I think it is silly that she would even say that. First off, I am probably the least 'zilla' there is.. honestly I would be really happy if someone else was pg because that means someone else would be going through everything with me. When I got engaged to my DH 3 of my cousins got engaged within 6 months of us. It was awesome to have someone else who was going through the same thing. It was so much more easier to talk to someone who understand than to a friend who wasn't even engaged. So clearly, it would be awesome to have someone who is close to you being pg too because you can discuss things together and not worry about bugging everyone about every little thing....
It's just too bad that I am not close to my SIL, I just don't agree with her life choices... I am happy for her because she is pg (again, she has a DD who is 2) but she hasn't done anything to improve her life. She and her SO thinks that it's ok to be on welfare and to not even try to get a job. I am all for welfare, it's a great system that helps people when they need it... and it is needed in this country BUT I don't agree with this case because both she and he refuse to get jobs. She was required to do 10 hours of community service or to get a part time job this summer (because she has free schooling and free day care via the welfare)... she decided getting a part time job was a 'waste of her time' because she could make more money doing nothing and she would rather go places, like the pool at our house... then she complained about doing 10 hours of community service. Really now? So where I am happy that someone else gets to experience the joy of being pg and bringing a child into this world I really wish she had a better head on her shoulders to realize that bringing a child into this world comes with responsibility, meaning you should be working towards trying to do as much as you can to give your children the best life possible.
To make matters worst, my MIL told my DH ahead of time that SIL was pg because she was afraid that we would be horribly upset and kick her out of the house? Really, we aren't monsters ... I promise!
Has anyone else ever experience something along this line? Where people were afraid of 'stealing your thunder'?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SIL "stealing my thunder" lol (vent)
Sorry!
I just kinda started writing and then didn't stop.
That's what I thought! I have never heard of anyone 'stealing someone's thunder' except for on here....
I'm not entirely proud of it, but I felt this way with my BIL/SIL too. SIL missed our wedding and BIL (the best man) almost missed it because SIL had her baby 2 weeks before and didn't want to travel. This is after my hubby waited to propose until their wedding was over b/c he didn't want to "steal their thunder." We bought a house - the bought one a week later. We announced we were pregnant with our first and they called us the next day to say "we're pregnant with our second!" So I was a little put out. I know it's irrational, but oh well. In the end, it was fun being pregnant together even though we're not as close (relationship wise and distance wise) as I wish we were. It mattered to me when I found out, but certainly not after a while.
My little man at 0-1-2
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
My SIL got pregnant again on an oopsie day while her and my bro were broken up. They have one DD already and she was 7 months old at the time. She is due on the 11th of this month. I thought us being pregnant together would be fun, nope. It's turned into a giant attention fest on her part. She got pissed when we found out we are having a little boy too. It's been awful. Her and my bro got back together. They won't last long though. It sucks. So I kind of get where you are coming from.
Sometimes it is nice to have a friend or family member be pregnant too. It just sucks when it ends up being one where the situation just plain sucks. You want to be happy for them and supportive, and you are. Doesn't mean that you have to completely agree and be thrilled with their choices. My SIL on DH's side just announced she is due in May. I am more than thrilled for her! I cannot wait to help her bring a little life into the world.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
DH's brother got engaged about 3 weeks after we got engaged & they scheduled their wedding for before ours. I think our engagement lit a fire under his brother's butt because he's been with his [now] wife about 2-3 years longer than DH & I had been together but didn't pop the question first!
My sister is due about 3.5 weeks before me with her second baby! No one expected her to get pregnant, this is definitely a surprise baby for her and we planned this LO as soon as we got married it was baby time but I'm excited. We haven't always been very close but it's still fun, especially for our family!
This. Regardless of her situation, I think demonizing her for being on assistance is a little sad. Accidents happen. Maybe she wasn't trying to get pregnant. Also, though she isn't working, she IS in school, which shows she's not "doing nothing." She's just doing very little. ;-)
I completely understand this part of the rant. I have a sister in the same position and when she announced her second pregnancy ( but she was very nice and waited until after my wedding/honeymoon to tell everyone - literally the day after lol!) We were all a little *jaw-dropped-uhoh-oopsie-turned-into-smile-big-congrats* Her kids are 13 months apart and her husband has been without a job for over 2 yrs at that point (3-4 years now)- she was trying to start her own business but spent too much time with her son and it failed. Now she is the sole supporter, on welfare (not as great of programs around here) Food Stamps, Medicaid, WIC, etc. I love my nephews to death but my relationship with my sister is nearly non-existant now because of the way she is living her life - I can't be around it without saying something so it's better for me to not be around at all... So to me this part is relevant - maybe you just need to be in the situation to understand why...
On another note, I would be just as annoyed/disappointed with the welfare situation. A friend of mine just had her second baby, and although I think everyone deserves the happiness of children, I feel like it's completely irresponsible and stupid to have another baby when you're already using these services and making no attempt to get off of them... Instead keep abusing the system while I work my butt off to provide for my family and there's.
sorry so long, haha
Because I don't know either of these people personally, I have to go on the information given in the original post. Also, I would assume if it's her SIL, she would know more than either of us. If what she's saying is accurate, then her SIL isn't even looking for work. I could understand if she had been looking really hard and just couldn't find anything, but that doesn't appear to be the case here. Based on what's been written, I won't defend the behavior.
I am betting MIL was more worried you'd be upset about SIL's circumstances, and not her stealing your thunder: in fact, she was probably worried you'd have the exact attitude towards SIL's pregnancy that you do have. I know that you're trying not to be too judge-y, but we all get that your SIL's lifestyle bothers you, and we've never even seen you two interact... No matter how hard you try to hide it, MIL and others are certainly aware of how you feel, even if they understand where you're coming from. At any rate, although SIL mentioned not wanting to "steal your thunder", I expect that's not the real reason she's worried, but instead that she picks up on your distancing yourself from her and realized correctly that you'd be offended. That's all. They don't think your Mom-Zilla, but they may be wary of your opinions, whether they agree or not.
I stole my sister's thunder with DD- she had been trying for almost a year (unbeknownst to us) and we got our BFP exactly one month after her. We were also only dating at the time, so in the course of our pregnancies DH and I got married, bought a house and I graduate college. My sister's pregnancy experience wasn't the most joyful, so I felt pretty guilty throughout. I will also say, though- that our family tended to lump us together as one pregnant unit. It was convenient to get together on the same day, lump our kids as a niece/nephew/grand-kid unit, talk about the pregnant ladies so to speak. I really felt that neither of us had our own individual experiences. This time, my sister called me a week after we announced (we waited until 7 weeks) and told me she was pregnant. I won't lie- I was a bit 'something'. Not mad, upset, anything like that, but I was looking forward to having a positive experience (and she had such a negative one last time and we talked so much the attitude rubbed off) and was afraid I was going to miss out on that with her pregnant at the same time. Then a few days later she calls and tells everyone false alarm (for reasons unknown) and I feel like crap for ever thinking anything less than happy thoughts for her.
It's a natural reaction, I completely understand it and am not proud of it, but I went through it on the other side and it wasn't what I hoped it would be (exciting time to share with my sister).
Actually no, both MIL and FIL feels the same way. I actually don't talk about it in front of them. It's something that only my DH and I speak about. I allow both MIL and FIL go off on long speeches about how SIL is doing this to her life. The whole family doesn't care for SIL's SO because of his attitude of thinking that he doesn't have to work because there is a system in place to 'help' him.
To answer other people's questions who posted prior: No, I am not close to SIL because we don't have much in common. I am always very nice to her, DD and her SO whenever they come over our house. My MIL was afraid that both myself and DH would be mad because after our lost (which SIL knew about) the SIL went on and on about how she wanted another child because her DD should have a sibling and she didn't care if she didn't have a job, food, or money to have this child. She wanted what she wanted and that was that. Question about a job: neither she nor him thinks that 'working' is worthwhile. And have said it multiple time. Her SO said that he was going to go to college for the next couple of years because he would then gain more money via welfare.
I am all for people who need help when times get rough but I am not for people who refuse to work and then bring a child into this world. Yes I am happy for her because she is getting another child but I don't agree with her lifestyle choices.
You want to post about family being derelicts? Fine. Don't say that you are talking about something else though.
It seems like you didn't really read her post. She said that her SIL was worried about stealing her thunder and she didn't understand that attitude. She doesn't consider it thunder stealing. Then she went on to say that she wishes she and her SIL were closer because it would be nice for the babies to grow up together. However, they aren't close because of the way her SIL chooses to live her life (refusing to look for or accept work).
She absolutely talked about what she said she was talking about.
My sister inlaw hide her pregnancy from our family b/c she didn't want to steal my thunder!! She told us a month before the baby was due!! Yeah a month!!
agreed!
I feel the same way. And our government should honestly look into these problems and fix them. I work very hard, and I get very little assistance if any at all, and I need it. But it's always my last resort to take aid because, I feel that I should support myself as much as I can. And the sad fact is, not a lot of people feel that way.
I see people all the time on welfare driving expensive cars that my parents can't afford and meanwhile even though they cannot afford to send my younger sister, a 4.5 GPA student, to college, these people are having it paid for FOR them and it just pisses me off because most of the time they don't realize that kind of help and welfare is temporary, not something you suck the life out of for as long as you want cause it's easier..
Sorry, it just annoys me. And it annoys me that people excuse it..
Didn't she just say her SIL could've gotten a part time job? And chose not to, or to even try?
I looked for a job for 3 years. And I worked my butt off getting where I am now. So yes, jobs are scarce, but you have to TRY.
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Nov siggy challenge: animals eating Thanksgiving food
Rhys - born 04.17.2013
Harry - born 04.18.2016