Ready for another but afraid to try...

amjo8286 · September 2012

Our son is currently 14 months old. We've been thinking a lot about trying but we both have reservations, especially my husband. My son was born 3 weeks early and I ended up having very high blood pressure and preeclampsia. Everyone tells me how lucky I was that he delivered (mostly) safely and we were both okay. It was a terrible labor and delivery and there were a lot of complications. Despite that I really am ready to try again. I never planned on only one and can't wait to add to our family. My husband thinks it's best to be safe and I'll admit I'm scared as well but I don't want that to stop us. Has anyone had experience with having more children after a difficult/dangerous delivery?

dairygirl19 · September 2012

Yep.

My first born was a little girl named Hope. She was diagnosed with Trisomy 14 at 20 weeks gestation. T14 is something not even the best in the field can predict an outcome of muchless fully understand. She was born at 38 weeks when her heart stopped at my last u/s. H and I had to get tested multiple times for various things to find our risk of it happening again.

It was the most godawful experience of my life. Then we tried again for nine months without any sucess. Ended up in a fertility clinic trying to figure out WTH was going on/see if there were more underlying issues from the first time around etc.

A couple more tests, and I somehow ended up pregnant out of that.

My pregnancy with Rubes was pretty uneventful but I still had the anxiety in the back of my mind and it stressed me out hardcore.

Her delivery was a long slow process which ended up in dislocated hips on my part and a vaccuum for Rubes. 14 months later I still feel the pain in my hips. It could've been worse for sure and my little on was just fine as was I eventually but it wasn't a picture perfect birth story worth writing about by any means.

However, despite it all, we're trying for number 3 next month. We waited this long, becuase I know the anxiety is always going to be there. I really have to brace myself for it. I also think my stillbirth and not so easy delivery was God's way of making me a better parent. I let a lot roll now, am more patient etc. Anyways, I'm finally in a place where I know it'll never be fun and I'll never the happy pregnancy experiences other people get, but I'm over it.

I just put a positive spin on it. What didn't kill me made me stronger. Life is great with one kid, it'll be better with two. Lightening can't possible strike twice...all that jazz..lol.

Really though, I look in my daughter's eyes and I want her to share her passion and love with someone else. Someone else she can grow up with and enjoy life with. I just can't deny her the great bond that is siblings because I had a rough haul. Almost like the happiness will come full circle in the end.

I also realize that overall, it's daunting looking back on it, daunting looking forward to it, daunting when I see it in the grand scheme. However, when I break pregnancy down in day to day life, I'm just regular old me, doing the best I can, fully functioning and carrying on. Then the anxiety doesn't seem so bad.

I hope this makes sense and helps you see a different perspective maybe. I know it's hard. Very hard. I've been there.

AmandaP678 · September 2012

amjo8286:
Our son is currently 14 months old. We've been thinking a lot about trying but we both have reservations, especially my husband. My son was born 3 weeks early and I ended up having very high blood pressure and preeclampsia. Everyone tells me how lucky I was that he delivered (mostly) safely and we were both okay. It was a terrible labor and delivery and there were a lot of complications. Despite that I really am ready to try again. I never planned on only one and can't wait to add to our family. My husband thinks it's best to be safe and I'll admit I'm scared as well but I don't want that to stop us. Has anyone had experience with having more children after a difficult/dangerous delivery?

With my first I had pre e as well, i had to be induced at 37 weeks. I had PTL with him at 28 week. and contractions for the next 2 months. And came very close to needing a cs

I got pregnant with my 2nd when Tim was 13 months. I never had any problems with my blood pressure/pre I had other issues though.

swimiz500 · September 2012

My DD was born 5 weeks early for many of the reasons you have been through- very high blood pressure, pre-e, and some really insane fluid retention. They just felt it was safer to get her out than leave her in. I had a c/s, was on magnesium for 24 hours afterward, DD was in the NICU because they thought she had a heart problem (thank goodness she did not, but it was so scary because I could not see her since I was stuck in bed on the magnesium). Even with all of that, I absolutely cannot wait to start trying again. If DH would give the green light, I would try right now. I know how scary it is, but it is just so worth the outcome, you know? Sure, I am afraid of having the same (or worse) complications, but I refuse to let it stop me from having a baby that I desperately want.

amjo8286 · September 2012

swimiz500:
My DD was born 5 weeks early for many of the reasons you have been through- very high blood pressure, pre-e, and some really insane fluid retention. They just felt it was safer to get her out than leave her in. I had a c/s, was on magnesium for 24 hours afterward, DD was in the NICU because they thought she had a heart problem (thank goodness she did not, but it was so scary because I could not see her since I was stuck in bed on the magnesium). Even with all of that, I absolutely cannot wait to start trying again. If DH would give the green light, I would try right now. I know how scary it is, but it is just so worth the outcome, you know? Sure, I am afraid of having the same (or worse) complications, but I refuse to let it stop me from having a baby that I desperately want.

That seriously sounds like us verbatim. I had contractions and high bp for over a week before my water finally broke and they had no choice but to let me deliver. I had gained 16 lbs from fluid and was on the mag as well. A few hours after birth DS stopped breathing and was taken away. I made my husband go take videos and pictures every few hours because I couldn't leave bed to see him. I was an only child growing up because my Mother had complications and simply couldn't have another. I had a great childhood but I always planned on giving DS a sibling. I feel like even one more would make our life complete. I need to put my fears aside and trust in my care.

LnR70707 · September 2012

Already trying, but we've got IF, so I'm still stuck on the fear of losing all our embryos...once we get pregnant I'll focus on those fears. With DS I had to do IVF, which meant restricted activity (no lifting over 10lbs, stairs no more than twice a day, etc.) from the start of stims until 9 weeks. At 10 weeks I was diagnosed with a huge subchorionic hematoma, went on modified bedrest for 3 weeks and back on restricted activity until 24 weeks. SCH's show up in about 50% of IF patients, though there is no known medical reason. Only difference is this time through I'll be making the nurses double check at every u/s so I don't end up bleeding the ER thinking I am miscarrying. DS also came 5 weeks early do to unexplained PTL, but a blood pressure spike 2 days before I was admitted makes me think I had PIH and possibly early pre-E, I was supposed to do my 24hr urine collection the day after I went into labor. DS was in the NICU about a week. I don't know how we'll manage all of that with a toddler, hopefully we won't have to, but we'll take it one day at a time.

damabo80 · September 2012

I look at ttc/pg as throwing pasta at the wall. Some will stick, some won't. But, I'm not going to let the fear of another loss/fatal birth defect/difficult pregnancy/NICU stay/difficult delivery (yep, I've had them all) stop me from growing my family.

FWIW, if you had pre-e with the first, your chances of reoccurance is about 25-30%.

I had severe HELLP/pre-e with DD. She was delivered via emergency c section at 31w because I was about a day or two away from dying myself (my OB said I was one of the two worse cases he's ever seen in 20+ years of practice). I was pretty much on my deathbed when I delivered. Recovery sucked, the NICU sucked, etc. But DD is here and she's worth it. I just delivered a full term DS last week. No HELLP/pre-e with him. Besides a heart defect scare, it was a textbook normal pregnancy.

Mommy2CB · October 2012

My son was 6+ weeks early and had a 3 week NICU stay.. however, he has not had any complications or developmental delays (we are very lucky).

I went into labor at 32w6d and after a week in the hospital trying to stop the contractions my son was born at 33w5d. I had a horrible delivery experience as my epidural(s) all failed. Holy PAIN.

I am definitely nervous about going into preterm labor again with LO#2, NICU stays, and failing epidurals...but those are not things that are going to scare me into not having more children. Obviously everyones situation is different and all you can really do is talk to your doctor and hope for the best. GL!

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