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Parenting
Unsolicited Advice
My mom has started giving me the craziest advice lately. I don't want to hurt her feelings so I just nod and listen. Sometimes I'll say, "Okayyyy" or "That's interesting". Here are some of her tid bits...
1. Start massaging my breasts in advance before my milk comes in to help milk production?? What?!
2. I need to rest and not do anything for 3 weeks after childbirth so my body recovers fully. Umm I plan to get some rest but don't plan to be holed up inside for a month! Are you crazy!?
3. In the last few weeks before birth, rest up and don't be too active. Umm no I've been walking several miles, cooking, shopping and will continue to stay active until birth.
As you can see, most of these suggestions run counter to everything I've read and seem way too extreme. She is not going to stop and she really feels like she is helping. Nothing she has told me is critical, she is very sensitive so should I just continue to smile and nod and just do my own thing?
1. Start massaging my breasts in advance before my milk comes in to help milk production?? What?!
2. I need to rest and not do anything for 3 weeks after childbirth so my body recovers fully. Umm I plan to get some rest but don't plan to be holed up inside for a month! Are you crazy!?
3. In the last few weeks before birth, rest up and don't be too active. Umm no I've been walking several miles, cooking, shopping and will continue to stay active until birth.
As you can see, most of these suggestions run counter to everything I've read and seem way too extreme. She is not going to stop and she really feels like she is helping. Nothing she has told me is critical, she is very sensitive so should I just continue to smile and nod and just do my own thing?
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Re: Unsolicited Advice
Her advice doesn't sound extreme to me. Maybe not what you want to hear or want to do (and you don't have to do any of the things she mentioned), but it's far from extreme.
Ignore and get used to it. Once baby is born, the whole world will tell you how to be a parent and what you're doing wrong.
I don't think anything she said was extreme, ill intended or really too "off" . Maybe not facts, but certainly not "you know, if you drink too much water you could drown your baby" like my gma in law told me while I was pregnant.
Heh.
I remember feeling that way. Then I went to 42 weeks and had a rough delivery and it turned out my mom was mostly kinda sorta totally right.
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Pretty tame advice IMO. Search "MIL advice thebump.com" for comparison.
It will only get worse once the baby is born. I would take the smile and nod approach.
Honestly, I wish I would have taken that advice when I was getting ready to have a baby. It doesn't sound out of line and now that I am looking back, it might have been helpful.
I also worked until I was induced (overdue), went back to both school and work at 2 weeks PP, and hosted Thanksgiving 4 days postpartum. I will never do that again.
Ditto to the other poster's who said the advice only gets worse after the baby is born.
Honestly, I would probably give you very similar advice (3 weeks of doing nothing but resting and taking care of myself sounds amazing!). But you didn't ask for it, so I won't.
Just say thanks and express your opinions, "Thanks for the advice, but I've been going for a walk everyday and it really relaxes me." It's polite and it lets her know where you stand.
ETA: And yes, you will hear A LOT more. So be careful how you set the tone now. If you start by just ignoring her, it may be harder as the advice gets more intense.