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Working Moms
Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22
Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division
Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant
Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22
NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group
Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43
Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18
Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing
Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age group
small SAHM vent
for the 2nd time this week I've read a SAHM post something about how being a SAHM is a 24/7 job. I don't get this. I guess you would say I work 2 full time jobs then? I teach from 7:30-2:30, I do get a lunch break which sometimes I take and sometimes I don't, SAHMs don't always get that, then I pick up my kids and I'm with them from 2:45-7am. So why do SAHMs feel they need to justify themselves by saying they work 24/7, when so do we, we just have another job too. Just a bit of a vent since 90% of the SAHMs I know (and the other 10% are teen moms) want to be SAHMs, so why do they need to complain? why not just be thankful they have the opportunity to be with their children all day?
Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22
Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division
Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant
Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22
NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group
Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43
Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18
Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing
Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age groupThis discussion has been closed.
Re: small SAHM vent
Personally, I DO think it's a full-time job. Being with my child all day, cleaning, cooking, etc. is just not for me. I would never want to be a SAHM. I would go insane and feel like I wasn't contributing to my family. I love my child, but I love my career as well.
Being a SAHM would be too difficult for me. I personally really need breaks from LO. I can't be with her 24/7. I'm a much happier person when I have time away from her, and get QUALITY time with her.
I love my career and really thrive in it. I will not give it up. This is what works for my family. I don't care what works for other families, but I really don't get the appeal of being a SAHM.
I don't think a SAHM who says it's a 24/7 is trying to imply that you don't work 24/7 too. I'm guessing she's more likely combating the image of her at home eating bon bons.
Everyone complains. You could make the argument of why WMs complain when they get to have adult company and make some cash...what's there to complain about that? Answer: Just different stuff than a SAHM complains about.
For me, I get really upset when I hear a SAHM complain not because I don't think her job is hard but because I am really really jealous of her. I would love to be able to SAH with my DD but we just can't afford it right now. We really depend on my salary.
And for the PP that said as a WM you get adult company. I teach elementary school so I don't really get much adult company. I love my job but it just feels weird to leave my kid so that I can be with other people's children all day.
Why do you care if they feel the need to justify themselves?
And lots of people complain about their jobs. So if your job is being a homemaker, you can't complain because you don't work outside the home?
Lastly, if you want to claim that you work 24/7 or that you work two jobs (teacher and mom) then that is your choice - go for it!
Personally, I am in the same boat as pp who said they don't care about what works for other families. All that matters is that you've found the arrangement that works for your family.
I think they're probably dealing with the perception that they don't work at all, rather than implying that you're a mom only half the time. SAHMs get a lot of flack and their time often is undervalued, so they're just trying to say - hey, i do work & i work hard!
Sure, we get plenty of flack too but in my social circle at least, working is judged less so I don't feel the need to justify to people what I do all day long.
We working moms certainly are moms all the time too though - I pump 2-3xday and that definitely keeps me feeling fully-mom while in the office.
I just wanted to add that as a SAHM you have much more responsibilities when it comes to taking care of LO and house stuff than if you work outside the home. When I was home with DD on maternity leave for 6 months I got very little help around the house because since I stayed home, my DH was under the impression that I should have plenty of time to take care of DD and everything else that had to be done. He would complain about how tired he was from working all day. (As if taking care of a baby isn't work) Once I went back to work my DH helped a lot more. I also understood what he meant about being tired and how working outside the home is tough. I am much more tired now than when I was staying home.
Maybe it's because I only SAH for 6 months but even though taking care of LO is hard work, it is still way easier than working outside the home. I know a lot of people would disagree with me on this. If DD doesn't sleep well, I can nap with her in the middle of the day. I can't do that if I work. When I was SAH, I would often go to bed early knowing I could take care of laundry, etc. the next day while DD napped. Now that I'm working, I go to bed much later because I have to take care of everything when DD goes to bed at night. And I have to be up for work at 5:30.
Just like you say SAHM don't always want to be SAHM, WM don't always want to be WM. When a WM who doesn't want to be a WM hears SAHM complain, sometimes we feel like "Hey, at least you get to be with your kid all day." It's not that we are saying her job is not hard. I think the OP was just looking to vent. It's perfectly ok to vent.
Honestly, why do you care?
Once you're a parent, you're on the clock whether you stay at home or work away from home. Pros and cons on both sides.
Why not just be thankful that you are able to earn a paycheque and enjoy time with your children?
I guess I just get irritated by "whoa is me" complaints, so when I hear someone complaining about what they are choosing to do (atleast most of the ones I know) and acting like its harder than those of us who do it in addition to working full time, I get annoyed.
I'm currently on maternity leave and home full time with a baby and toddler, so I know the benefits and drawbacks of each, and I have things I could complain about, but I just feel if you're choosing to SAH, why would you complain or feel the need to justify it
This is EXACTLY what I was going to say.
This. No one has any more or less reposibility when it comes to caring for their children. I don't get any more or any less help because I am a WM. I imagine it would be similar if I were a SAHM.
I'm sure there would be plenty of mothers who could 'woe is me' you for having 5 months of maternity leave.
There is a measure of irony that you are complaining here about a SAH parent who dares complain or justify that choice. You have made choices too.
agreed, especially with the bolded. Im a WAHM, which is perfect for my family, I get the work.life balance that I need. but sometimes DH (& IL, and pretty much everyone now that I think about it) think that since i'm "home all day" I have plenty of time to deep clean the entire house, bake every meal from scratch, have all the laundry clean and folded and put away, plus all the other household chores, and have DD clean, fed and happily playing (or in bed) by the time DH comes home.
I try my best to do what i can when i get off work because DH does work long hard hours, and I want him to be happy too, but some days it just doesn't happen, and I hate the commets. I DO get it done on the weekends with DD, so I know it's possible. I'm the only WM in my group, so everyone else SAHM and has the time for all that. I get frustrated when my SAHM friends complain about stuff like that, because I'm working 40hrs a week plus getting all that stuff done, with a toddler and pregnant. So to hear someone say "I'm a mom 24/7" really makes me feel like they imply that i'm not. Honestly I love my career, but if we could financially swing it without me working i would do it in a heartbeat. maybe i just take it too personally because everyone i knows pretty much judges me for working and putting DD(s) in daycare.
wow sorry that is so long!
Being a mother is hard, period, and one side does not have the monopoly on stress and sanctimony. As mothers, we can't keep comparing ourselves to each other. That said, in this day and age, I don't have a lot of sympathy for martyrdom. Everyone is allowed to complain, but if you miss working and believe it would make you happier, then go back to work! Your kids will turn out fine. If "raising" your own kids makes you so miserable, get a "job" to which you're better suited. Own your decisions. But by and large, I think most SAHMs who use the "most important job" line are just blowing off steam. Which is totally fine. It's hard work even if it's not a job!
This is not true for everyone. Other than not physically being with them during my work day, my responsibilities are exactly the same including all of the cleaning, laundry and meal preparation. DH helps but just as much as he did when I was on leave.
Sorry, being a parent (SAH or working) isn't a JOB.... a job is something you apply for, get hired, have a job description, have expectations to meet, and most of all a job is something you GET PAID TO DO. I'm not saying SAHM's aren't busy/tired/etc but working moms are busy/tired/etc as well. Being a parent is something we all chose to do (no one forces you to take on this responsibility). How you choose to raise your child (to SAH, or work and send to a DCP/nanny/etc) is up to you.
To answer your question SAHM's and WM's alike bash each other because they are insecure about their own decision. Leave it alone, move forward with your decision and know that they are unhappy with themselves.
I love my kids, being a mom, and I love every moment I have with them. It's not always rainbows and sunshine, but I will never consider my children "a job"- I would honestly consider myself a bad parent if my kids were just "a job" to me.
P.S.- SAHM's pleas don't answer with the "I get paid with love and kisses" stuff, because I have an ABUNDANCE of those, and I've asked the electric company, and that is not a valid form of payment.
Even if it was, it would be super-creepy if some guy from the electric company came over to get hugs and kisses from your kids.
I'm not complaining at all about the length of my maternity leave, I'm very happy being home
Agreed! This is the argument I often hear that bugs me. I do all of the chores/cleaning/shopping/errands/laundry and family raising too, on top of the job. Yes, being home with LO all day does wear me out, but so does working FT and still juggling all the same home/family responsibilities.
I work full time and still do all the chores, cleaning, errands, laundry, etc. I wasn't implying that working moms don't do chores or housework. I was just saying that sometimes as a SAHM, people expect your house to be spotless and do everything just because you stay at home as if taking care of your kids isn't enough. I think that's what a lot of SAHM mean when they say they have a 24/7 job.
I get annoyed when people generalize "all SAHMs" this and "all WMs" that. Some people have it harder than others, and you never know from the outside what goes on at their house or job.
There are a lot of different kinds of SAHMs. A SAHM with one kid, a husband who only works 40 hrs a week, and two sets of grandparents who help out is very different from a SAHM who has a baby and twin toddlers, a husband who works 80 hrs a week or is deployed, and has no support from family.
There are also different WMs... some have low-stress office jobs with coworkers whose company they enjoy, who only work 40 hrs a week. But others have jobs where they are on their feet all day and come home physically exhausted, or where their boss screams at them, or where they are expected to take work home with them.
You never really know how easy or hard someone's life is.
Venting occasionally is fine, but no one wants to be around a constant complainer, no matter what they're complaining about.
Your friends mentioning being a SAHM is a 24/7 job =/= your friends thinking your job is easier than theirs. You're projecting your insecurities on what they're saying. Being at home can be exhausting, and it is a round the clock thing. The next time DH comes home from a long day of work and vents about how exhausted he is, should I assume he's really trying to say my life is so easy, his is so hard and tell him not to complain because his job is something that others might be jealous of? Of course not--that would be foolish.
While I agree with the idea that a SAHM isn't truly a "job" in the traditional sense of the word, it is like having a "job" in the sense that some days, it's not pure bliss and you want to whine about it. It's one of those "grass is greener" things--I can admit as a SAHM I have days where I am jealous when my DH walks through the door when I know he had 20 minutes of commuting in peace, got to go to the bathroom without an audience following him, and a half hour to eat lunch without 2 toddlers eating 3/4 of it. I don't think either one of our days are easier/harder--we both have unique challenges. Venting about a frustrating day doesn't mean I'm not grateful I can be home or feel like I made the wrong decision. It just means that it isn't puppies and rainbows 24/7.
As someone who has done both working and SAH, I would agree that there are more responsibilities around the house when you SAH. When your house isn't lived in for 8+ hours a day, there is significantly less housework that needs to be done especially with multiple children.
Child labor at its best! I wonder how many kisses my kids would have to give to pay off my mortgage? hmmmmmm
As a prior SAHM for nearly 3 years, I totally agree with this. However, I don't think the original post was a mommy wars topic. I think the OP just read too much into what her SAHM friend said. I think the SAHM was just trying to "educate" others that her job is not "fluff". Dead horse - this topic :-(
Yeah this is how I feel. Although with a commute to boot I will barely get any time with LO during the week. Just enough time to do dinner and night time stuff.