Fighting over a name

Loving_Him · October 2012

My husband has always had his heart set on a daughter and naming her Zoey. I kinda like the name Zoey and he even told me I could chose the middle name so long as the first name was Zoey. Here is what we came up with.

Zoey Genevieve

Now here is my problem with it. I found out he got his ex fiance pregnant but it was an ectopic pregnancy and she had to abort it. But if it was a girl its name would of been Zoey Marie. I like the name Zoey too but I do have a problem with the fact it was the name he chose with his ex. I tried to explain to my husband but he just doesn't fully understand, Though he does agree we should both agree on the name. We have came up with many other names that we both like but he is still pushing for Zoey. Is that too weird that I have a problem with it because of the circumstances or should I just forget about it?

P.S. His ex is crazy and I also think if she ever found out then she would start terrorizing us again like she did after she left him, then found out I was dating him. I took 2 months and moving to get her to leave us alone. Am I just over reacting?

kayjay10 · October 2012

I would not use a name that my H and his ex would have named their child. No way. Bottom line - you BOTH need to love the name and if you say no to Zoey, then you must both go back and find something else you both love and agree on.

JLGY · October 2012

I think it is a bit weird and might be more appropriate if you used Zoey as a middle name- and only if you're really ok with it. I would feel weird about it being the first name, given the story. Well, I'm pretty sure I would not use it at all.

scorch · October 2012

I think you need to find a name together that you both love. Chances are that he loves the name so much that he came up with the name without her either, but still, he already has one angel baby named Zoey. I would think a live baby named Zoey would be a little weird.

I take issue with the fact that he " let" you pick the middle name. Way to throw her a bone there, DH.

there is nothing wrong with name , it's lovely. But Zoey already has a history that has nothing to do with you, and I would have a problem with that.

strawberrytree · October 2012

I don't think you are overreacting and would be weirded out by that too. Just tell him you are uncomfortable naming your child Zoey, since that's what he named the baby he was going to have with his ex girlfriend. You could add something like you feel like he already has a child named Zoey, and you want to give your baby a new name that doesn't have any of that history attached.

Even if the ex is crazy, I think it would be an incredibly hurtful thing for him to do to her too. Terminating an ectopic pregnancy would not have been easy for her and having her ex use the name they had agreed on for his new baby would probably bring back a lot of complicated feelings she has/had. Bad idea all around imo. Out of respect for her, Zoey should be off the table.

New relationship, new baby, new name.

happyasjustkim · October 2012

There are like 1000000 names out there- surely there is something else the 2 of you can both agree on that doesn't have history attached to it. I wouldn't use something that had that kind of story to go with it. Heck, we aren't even using names if either one of us dated/disliked/etc a person with that name, much less had an angel baby named that.

TripMomma · October 2012

kayjay10:
I would not use a name that my H and his ex would have named their child. No way. Bottom line - you BOTH need to love the name and if you say no to Zoey, then you must both go back and find something else you both love and agree on.

This...Zoe would be off the table totally for me.

Maybe try some of the the other "E" ending names...

Lily, Lucy, Ruby, Molly, Chloe...etc.

kimberlymautz · October 2012

If I were you I wouldn't be able to use it. "/

persephonerose · October 2012

I agree with PP. I would not use that name. To me the name is already in use for the child he lost. It would be a painful association for him, you and the Ex. And really its not the kind of name history/story I would want to have to tell my daughter some day.

moonfaerie · October 2012

strawberrytree:

New relationship, new baby, new name.

This, this, this! Your H needs to let go of Zoey, and work with you to find a name that you both want to give your baby.

brighteyes2123 · October 2012

It'd boil my blood if DH and his ex had a name chosen for either gender and I got wind of it. I wouldn't agree. at. all. Hell to the freaking NO, especially since his ex is also crazy lol. GL, might be time to go back to the drawing board.

alphalyrae · October 2012

This scenario would be a deal breaker for me.

If you love the meaning of the name, what about:

Ava

Zoya

Eve

Cora

Evelyn

Livia

gimmietimmies · October 2012

I wouldn't be able to use it, for all the reasons the pps have said. It would bother me too, time to find a new name.

victoria+james · October 2012

If you will forever think of your daughters name as the name he picked with his ex then I'd find something new.

catycate · October 2012

Would never happen in my house.

Notwifezilla7 · October 2012

catycate:
Would never happen in my house.

Agreed. I'd show him this thread if it doesn't sink in.

mbody · October 2012

No way I'd use a name that my H and his ex had picked out. Tell him you don't love the name, and go back to the drawing board. Plus, his angel baby is Zoey, why would he want another baby named Zoey?

Lennox28 · October 2012

Definitely not. That would be a no go situation for me. As others have said he already has an angel baby named Zoey and to use the name for your new baby seems wrong to me.

MrsRKJ · October 2012

I'm sorry, but no, I wouldn't be able to name my baby Zoey either after what happened with the ex. There has to be another name you two can agree on, and one that you'll love as much as he does. The PP's had some great suggestions. Good luck!

raefre · October 2012

Your child should have a name that you do not associate with an ex--even if she were sane. I think your DH should understand that you, appropriately, have a negative association with that name and do not want to use it.

Like pp said, try suggesting another name like Chloe, Mia, Lily, Amy.

Zimger · October 2012

I would not use a name my DH and his ex were planning to use. My DH pitched this idea to me once. They had decided on Riley Jade Hmm

Not my style at all. Then he told me that was the girl name he and his ex (who is very very BSC). I simply told him it wasn't going to happen. He gave it up completely once he learned Riley is traditionally a boys name. He's grown up alot since then.

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