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October 2011 Moms
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S/O Dry house and drinking

LCassLCass member
in October 2011 Moms

MIL recently told me that SIL will no longer be allowed to drink at her house, following her latest meltdown/freak out episode.  DH and I had come to the same conclusion about having her at our house.  So family events with the ILs will now be dry events, and it's Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend so this policy is about to be put into action.  I'm concerned about this for two reasons.

First, I don't know if FIL is on board or fully understands what this means.  Beer is his beverage of choice and I feel like he doesn't even realize it's alcohol a lot of the time.  He brought a few beers to Lily's birthday party (which started at 11am) last week and DH hid them.  I hope MIL has talked to him about it, but I don't know if she has.

Second, I think SIL is going to throw a hissy fit over this and think we're all being unfair and ganging up on her (as she always accuses everyone).  I suggested that MIL tell her ahead of time so that she doesn't storm off during Thanksgiving when she asks for a glass of wine and is told she can't have it.

BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010

BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011

BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013


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Re: S/O Dry house and drinking

  • emma&katiesmomemma&katiesmom
    Yikes!  I hope it goes well this weekend.  Hopefully your MIL will talk to both your FIL and SIL beforehand to alleviate some of the potential bad mojo for the holiday get together...
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  • aliciarosetaliciaroset member
    If she's not hosting, I doubt she'd really have the balls to say anything about there being no booze. If everyone, including the host, agrees that there's no drinks, that's it. No questions.  
    Since this needs to be the policy, you need to communicate it to your ILs that there's no chance anything will be around for her to even see.  I think that's fair for everyone. Your FIL can drink when the day's over. 
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  • LCassLCass member

    imagealiciaroset:
    If she's not hosting, I doubt she'd really have the balls to say anything about there being no booze. If everyone, including the host, agrees that there's no drinks, that's it. No questions.  
    Since this needs to be the policy, you need to communicate it to your ILs that there's no chance anything will be around for her to even see.  I think that's fair for everyone. Your FIL can drink when the day's over. 

    Ha!  I wish that were the case.  She'd absolutely have the balls/lack of manners and restraint to complain about it.  And I doubt that all alcohol will be out of sight, either, since they always have beers in the fridge.  It's going to be a challenge, that's for sure.

    The funny part is that I'm not a drinker, but the thought of getting through this Thanksgiving with her is making me want to plow through some alcohol myself!

    BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010

    BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011

    BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013


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  • LCassLCass member

    imagewishful thinkin:
    Also I'm a little jealous that you get to celebrate Thanksgiving!!

    Hehe, yours is coming soon!

    BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010

    BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011

    BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013


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  • thetheisensthetheisens member
    Good luck! You're at least trying to do the right thing. Some day hopefully she will get her sh!t together and realize you were only concerned for her well being. From earlier posts it sounds like she's in a bad place in her life, I hope she can find her way back out. I hope there's not too much drama for you!
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  • LCassLCass member
    imageWoodsie:

    Eeeeee (aiiii? I wasn't sure how to spell it :p ) what a tough situation.

    I grew up in a dry house (my dad is a recovering alcoholic who hasn't drank in 20+ years) and I know it was super awkward and not fun for everyone else during the holidays, but it just became the new norm and most got used to it. I don't think that the rule was dry for everyone, but no one drank just out of respect for my dad wo was struggling with it at the time. Those who didn't get used to it just didn't come to family events during the worst years. We're at a point now where it's okay if there is alcohol present but everyone is pretty sensitive to the issue and are very discreet/responsible about drinking.

    I do think that someone needs to sit down with your SIL before Thanksgiving dinner to explain what is going on. Otherwise there could be a blowout because of the lack of alcohol that could be worse than what may have happened had she been allowed to drink in the first place. I can't imagine her being okay with being told what she cannot do though.

    What if she shows up with her own wine?

    I'm very hopeful that MIL will have discussed it with her ahead of time.  I think it didn't occur to her, but once I brought it up she realized it was a good idea.  I really hope so, because DH has said that if she starts complaining about it he'll take the blame, basically, and that's not fair or good for the family (as I tried to point out to him).  Their relationship is already the most strained of anyone's, he doesn't really have a right to say she can't drink at someone else's house, and MIL came to this conclusion without DH or I even having to bring it up.

    I don't think showing up with her own wine will be an issue.  A) She can't afford it.  B) It's not that they won't have any alcohol in the house, it's that nobody will be drinking any of it that day.  And if she did bring her own, she'd just be told to keep it for when she's back home.

    BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010

    BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011

    BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013


    http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tickerticker.aspx?&TT=bdy&TT1=bdy&CL=&CT=&CG=F&O=m_sleep4&T=t_b22&D=20110929&M1=&D1=&T2=Our+Rosh+Hashanah+baby!&T1=Lily&T3=&CC=0&CO=&CO2=&W=&TS=&R=A&SC=green

    http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tickerticker.aspx?&TT=bdy&TT1=bdy&CL=&CT=&CG=F&O=m_baby7&T=t_b14&D=20130825&M1=&D1=&T2=&T1=Sammy&T3=&CC=0&CO=&CO2=&W=&TS=&R=A&SC=green

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