TFAS How long will you try?

greenhope · October 2012

DH and I have been trying for 5 months. I'm just starting to get a little antsy. I'm not temping yet but plan to.

I'm not sure how long I want to TFAS. We are blessed with DS and I absolutely want to give him a sibling and would love to experience pregnancy and having another child but I struggle with anxiety and DH and I agreed to try until summer. We would like a less than 3 year age gap.

I know its early but I feel a bit guilty that I don't want to try until it happens if that means trying past the summer. I feel like I would have to answer to friends and family or worse DS when he's older.

I am afraid I will become so worried and anxious about TFAS that I will be a mess. Having a timeframe to try helps me keep it from all being up in the air.

I don't know if it came down to fertitlity testing/treatments I ccould handle the upsdowns.

Sorry this is an all over the place post. Does anyone else have a time frame? Or feel a bit like me?

JuneBug86 · October 2012

greenhope:
I feel a bit guilty that I don't want to try until it happens if that means trying past the summer. I feel like I would have to answer to friends and family or worse DS when he's older.

What do you mean when you say this? Do you mean because if you try past the summer there will be more than a 3 year age gap? Why should the age gap matter to anyone else?

We are also TTC for #2. To answer your question, we don't have a set time frame. We would probably try for a year or two, and then look into it further if need be. We are young though (25) so we are in no rush.

psychgirl33 · October 2012

We are TFAS and there is not a set "we'll try until" point. We will see what happens and broach that issue if we come to it.

5 months isn't really that long. Especially 5 months with no charting. And don't feel guilty or like you have to answer to other people. If you think that you will try until next summer then give up, that's your deal. Honestly, if anyone asked me and had an attitude about it I'd just say "we were unable to have a second" and leave it at that. You don't have to say what timeline you were unable to have a second in. It's none of their business.

Mrs.T_91507 · October 2012

This is only our first cycle and honestly, i have no idea how long we'll try before we make a decision but i want to say i also suffer from severe anxiety and that was a factor in delaying so long trying for #2 so i do understand at least that.

nan517 · October 2012

We don't have a set time frame. DD is 13 months now and I figure we'll actively try for a few years. I'd love to give her a sibling but if nothing happens within a few years then we'll revisit our decision but for now, I'd assume I'll try until it happens or until I can no longer get pregnant.

kje120 · October 2012

We don't have a set time frame, but since we are both older (about to be 36 (me) and 41 (him)) we would move on to testing sooner rather than later. I've been charting for 7 months, but we haven't been really hardcore trying. We haven't talked about a cutoff for when we will throw in the towel.

angelchild24 · October 2012

We don't have a time frame. DD is 6 already so the age gap is already pretty big. I think if we aren't pregnant by July (that will be a year) we will at least get testing done, but not sure how far we will go. The only thing on my mind is that I turned 30 in Aug, so it makes me a little nervous, but we have only been trying for 3 cycles.

Gl to you!

greenhope · October 2012

JuneBug86:
greenhope:
I feel a bit guilty that I don't want to try until it happens if that means trying past the summer. I feel like I would have to answer to friends and family or worse DS when he's older.
What do you mean when you say this? Do you mean because if you try past the summer there will be more than a 3 year age gap? Why should the age gap matter to anyone else?
We are also TTC for #2. To answer your question, we don't have a set time frame. We would probably try for a year or two, and then look into it further if need be. We are young though (25) so we are in no rush. 

Sorry, I'm all over the place. I mean if we only try until summer and are not successful and decide one child is enough that our family or whoever might suggest we didn't try hard enough. My mil has comment that we can't just have one child. Its not fair to our son. I realize her opinion just doesn't matter but I know the questions will come. I feel insecure that if I don't exhaust all options off ttc then I'm not giving it enough of a chance, that I'm not trying hard enough to give ds a sibling.

MrsM507 · October 2012

We are going to try as long as it takes. We are planning IUI for December if I am not KTFU by then and down the road, we will use savings and/or some of H's 401K for IVF if it ever got to that point. Everyone is different.

Zimger · October 2012

I'm going to do what I did the last time. Try until it works. I think would stress myself out by giving our trying an exact end date.

Mrs. Mo · October 2012

I will never stop trying. If it takes IVF again (which it probably will), then so be it.

ChuggingWater · October 2012

Considering my DS is 5 already, and will be 6 in May. I've always said I don't want a bigger age difference than 10.

We have plenty of time to worry about the age gap.

swirl25 · October 2012

We don't have a timeframe in mind, but this is only cycle 2 for us. I am an only child and have wanted a sister or brother my entire life so more than anything, I want to give DD a sibling. Right now, if I get preg in the next few months there will a 2.5-3 yr age gap between them which to me is ideal, but if it takes longer, it takes longer - it's more important to me that she have a sibling than the age difference between them. I pray it doesn't take so long that I would begin to question whether we should keep trying.

swirl25 · October 2012

greenhope:
My mil has comment that we can't just have one child. Its not fair to our son. I realize her opinion just doesn't matter but I know the questions will come. I feel insecure that if I don't exhaust all options off ttc then I'm not giving it enough of a chance, that I'm not trying hard enough to give ds a sibling.

Also wanted to clarify my comment about being an only child and wanting to have a sibling for my DD: I did always want a sibling myself as a child, and felt strongly about having more than one myself -- if I could. My parents had IF issues after me and me being an only wasn't out of choice by them. Some things just can't be helped, and you absolutely should not beat yourself up about that. Don't let your MIL make you feel bad about anything either!

PrimRoseMama · October 2012

We don't have a time frame. It happens when it happens here.

I recommend decaf.

greenhope · October 2012

PrimRoseMama:
We don't have a time frame. It happens when it happens here.

I recommend decaf.

Hahaha! I can definitely appreciate this comment. I know how I sound. Thanks for the laugh ;

artistlife · October 2012

We don't have a time line. I feel like saying we only have until such and such date would stress me out more. We will take SeptNov. off again if we are not pregnant by then.
My DH and I also talked about it and decided we would go as far as fertility drugs and IUI, but we would not do IVF. Our insurance will pay up to 15,000 of IF treatment. We have decided if it gets to that point we will foster and adopt.
We really want to give DS a sibling, but we want to help other children instead of taking up a spot at and the time of an RE that could go to a couple that wants to have their first. Does that make sense?

KitT.Kat · October 2012

We will stop trying by next June if it doesn't happen before then. I am on cycle 13 now and have started looking into testing but we will not pursue fertility treatments if anything is found. Hang in there!

Nechie122 · October 2012

I think there are definitely advantages to having an only child. It's a very personal decision and the stigma against it or pressure from your relatives to have another baby is a horrible reason to bring another child into this world. You have to want it too for the right reasons.

I like our family of three just fine and if that's what we ultimately end up with, I'm okay with that. At least I think so. I don't see myself going to great lengths to TFAS, but you never know. I also have a personal cutoff in my head that I don't want to be AMA, i.e. older than 35, but I still have five years left so I'm not too worried about it.

seells · October 2012

We will try until I get pregnant? We don't have a set time frame that we will try for. If I couldn't get pregnant again we probably wouldn't do fertility treatments. We are so happy and blessed to have DD. I would definitely love a second but if it never happens for us I'm fine with just her.

Jenn06L80 · October 2012

I will keep trying until #2 is in my arms. I have always imagined having two children, in 10 years I see us as a family of 4.

TTC is stressful, but as long as DH and I remain healthy we will keep going. FWIW, I don't temp, chart, check CM. I just use OPK and have sex when we want.

skio · October 2012

Years. DD is only 18m and infertility after already having a child is pretty rare, so I'm not doubtful that it'll happen eventually. This attitude is making me pretty relaxed about TFAS.

This is our fifth cycle also.

skio · October 2012

GhostMonkey:
skio:
Years. DD is only 18m and infertility after already having a child is pretty rare, so I'm not doubtful that it'll happen eventually.
There is a whole board that will disagree with you on that. That's actually a pretty dumb statement to make. Having a child in no way exempts you from infertility. It's possible you were infertile the first time and got extremely lucky.

Somehow I knew you'd be the one to call me out.

First, you're right - but let me explain the roots. I'm talking specifically about secondary infertility, where the same couple that got pregnant the first time with no intervention can no longer get pregnant without intervention. I was told by my OB that secondary infertility is "unlikely."

But I don't know the stats, I didn't do any research, and I sure as hell don't know if I just happened to get lucky the first time around. I made a pretty broad blanket statement and I humbly withdraw it; I hate spewed nonsense 'round here and I shouldn't be a contributor.

jenaw84 · October 2012

We will try until it happens or told that it can't. We are on month 10 and have the same attitude about it as the 1st month, just doing what we can and seeing what happens.

greenhope · October 2012

GhostMonkey:
skio:
Years. DD is only 18m and infertility after already having a child is pretty rare, so I'm not doubtful that it'll happen eventually. This attitude is making me pretty relaxed about TFAS. This is our fifth cycle also.
There is a whole board that will disagree with you on that. That's actually a pretty dumb statement to make. Having a child in no way exempts you from infertility. It's possible you were infertile the first time and got extremely lucky.
And honestly OP- I would suggest you seek some counseling before trying for another. You seem to be doing this for other people, not because you want a child. And your hang up about them being no more than 3 years apart is, well, weird.
I didn't mean to come off that way (that we are TTC for anyone else). I absolutely want a second and my MIL would never have any baring on my choice to or not to have a second ( her comments just get to me). We would prefer a less than 3 yr age gap between our children, if thats a hang up to you thats fine. I am open to rethinking how I feel when summer comes if we aren't KU.

Lesley0228 · October 2012

We haven't made a timeline, we just plan on TTC until we get pregnant. We're only on cycle 3 so I don't have any long term plans. DD is already over 3 and we meant to have another child before now, but life and my getting laid off got in the way. We have decided that we want another child more then we care about a gap in ages. Honestly, over time I've come to believe there are some positives to having a bigger gap in ages. I think both children will benefit from more one on one time, as I won't be so stressed out just chasing kids to change diapers and wipe runny noses. DD is still a handful, but much more independent then she was a couple years ago. DD also will be old enough to appreciate having a sibling and help out more (helping is her favorite right now!).

mom0509 · October 2012

We are planning to start in November and will give it a year. If nothing then we just know we are done. I am blessed with two kids already and so I would not pursue anything futher.

Want a personalized experience?

TFAS How long will you try?

Re: TFAS How long will you try?

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards