Excellent book recommendation

jillianmb · October 2012

A few comments in a post below made me think of this. I recently read the book Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovich and it is truly excellent. It is one of those books that gets inside of you and somehow changes the way you think- as you can guess by the title, it is about parenting and finding joy/patience/love in the young years of your children's lives. It's under $10 and the kindle version is only $6.

I read it and it has really inspired how I work with my daycare kids, so I'm sure it applies to all kinds of parenting, including foster care. It is just a little book- a kind of pearl: small but immensely valuable.

Here's a snippet from the intro:

I didn?t write this book because mothering little ones is easy for me. I wrote it because it isn?t. I know that this is a hard job, because I am right here in the middle of it. I know you need encouragement because I do too.

This is not a tender reminiscence from someone who had children so long ago that she only remembers the sweet parts. At the time of writing this, I have three children in diapers, and I can recognize the sound of hundreds of toothpicks being dumped out in the hall.

This is a small collection of thoughts on mothering young children?for when you are motivated, for when you are discouraged, for the times when discipline seems fruitless, and for when you are just plain old tired.

The opportunities for growth abound here?but you have to be willing. You have to open your heart to the tumble. As you deal with your children, deal with yourself always and first. This is what it looks like, and feels like, to walk as a mother with God.

Just thought I'd pass it on!

DaisyZH · October 2012

That sounds great, I will have to get that for my kindle!!

sarahtoledo · October 2012

Sounds great. How religious is it? There has to be a better way to phrase that, sorry.

CaptainSerious · October 2012

Maybe I'll check it out. I could use something that might help me lighten up. I love my boys, do my best not to raise my voice (although sometimes that's the only way to get J's attention), and try to keep life fun and interesting for them. But sometimes I feel I'm so wrapped up in raising them, making them responsible, helping them catch-up, and teaching them right from wrong that I forget to let loose and enjoy them. I feel like I'm not silly and lighthearted enough with them, even though we do fun and enjoyable things and I'd hate for them to think that the only way to enjoy life is to be stoic. Truth be told, that's why I love swimming with them; for some reason, when we are in the water all my seriousness slips away.

kacelle · October 2012

I'll have to check that out! The book that changed the way I interact with kids the most was How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I actually taught a class on it last night.

jillianmb · October 2012

sarahtoledo:
Sounds great. How religious is it? There has to be a better way to phrase that, sorry.

I'd say pretty religious. She approaches parenting from a spiritual perspective and talks a lot about grace. A lot of what she says starts with understanding the grace we receive in Christ and drawing from that "well" to extend grace to our children.

That said, she has some very practical advice that anyone can apply. For example, she talks about the "bulk effect" - how having multiple children multiplies the work involved exponentially, and how it is not the children's fault that there are so many of them. One of my favorite quotes, "Just because we have a bunch of children does not mean that they ought to be living in a military dictatorship. Dry erase boards and chore charts are all well and good, but it does not change the fact that what you have on your hands is children, not an organizational problem." Haha. That can be applied to anyone, religious or not.

jillianmb · October 2012

CaptainSerious:
Maybe I'll check it out. I could use something that might help me lighten up. I love my boys, do my best not to raise my voice (although sometimes that's the only way to get J's attention), and try to keep life fun and interesting for them. But sometimes I feel I'm so wrapped up in raising them, making them responsible, helping them catch-up, and teaching them right from wrong that I forget to let loose and enjoy them. I feel like I'm not silly and lighthearted enough with them, even though we do fun and enjoyable things and I'd hate for them to think that the only way to enjoy life is to be stoic. Truth be told, that's why I love swimming with them; for some reason, when we are in the water all my seriousness slips away.

That's awesome that you found something that works so well for you! I think part of the solution is finding something that you all enjoy. I find that with my daycare kids (which I know is not the same as parenting at all), I do fake having fun playing house or eating their fake food but I get exhausted doing that. However, if we go to the park or do a craft I actually enjoy it myself and I get more energized from that stuff. We don't have to enjoy all aspects of caring for kids, but it is important to find ones we can enjoy together- like swimming!

CaptainSerious · October 2012

jillianmb:
I find that with my daycare kids (which I know is not the same as parenting at all), I do fake having fun playing house or eating their fake food but I get exhausted doing that. However, if we go to the park or do a craft I actually enjoy it myself and I get more energized from that stuff.

This is me all the way. I find if I'm faking enjoying their play, it's obvious and forced, and that they probably can tell I'm just going through the motions. And you're right, it's so draining! But when we do something really fun together, we all come away happy and relaxed.

I'm SO, SO, SO excited to to teach J how to ski this year, because M loves the snow and sledding/skiing/snowboarding almost as much as I do. If J decides he loves it too, we will have something the whole family loves to do together--and hello, ski/mountain vacations!!! So much better than sitting inside and looking for things to do in the winter months!

jillianmb · October 2012

CaptainSerious:
jillianmb:
I find that with my daycare kids (which I know is not the same as parenting at all), I do fake having fun playing house or eating their fake food but I get exhausted doing that. However, if we go to the park or do a craft I actually enjoy it myself and I get more energized from that stuff.

This is me all the way. I find if I'm faking enjoying their play, it's obvious and forced, and that they probably can tell I'm just going through the motions. And you're right, it's so draining! But when we do something really fun together, we all come away happy and relaxed.

I'm SO, SO, SO excited to to teach J how to ski this year, because M loves the snow and sledding/skiing/snowboarding almost as much as I do. If J decides he loves it too, we will have something the whole family loves to do together--and hello, ski/mountain vacations!!! So much better than sitting inside and looking for things to do in the winter months!

That sounds awesome!!

jillianmb · October 2012

kacelle:
I'll have to check that out! The book that changed the way I interact with kids the most was How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I actually taught a class on it last night.

I keep hearing good things about these books! Who wrote them?

kacelle · October 2012

jillianmb:
kacelle:
I'll have to check that out! The book that changed the way I interact with kids the most was How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I actually taught a class on it last night.
I keep hearing good things about these books! Who wrote them?

It's just one book, by Faber and Mazlish.

jillianmb · October 2012

kacelle:
jillianmb:
kacelle:
I'll have to check that out! The book that changed the way I interact with kids the most was How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I actually taught a class on it last night.
I keep hearing good things about these books! Who wrote them?
It's just one book, by Faber and Mazlish.

Thanks!

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