Anyone else having trouble making friends with other moms?

Mrs.Greg · October 2012

DD started preschool 3 weeks ago. I didn't expect to meet my best friend there the first day but I've hardly talked to any of the other moms. We all wait outside of the classroom when it's time to pick up but everyone kinda stands far apart and no one really talks to each other. Most of them look normal to me, I find it odd that no one chats while we wait. I did notice last week that a few of the moms were standing in the parking lot together after drop off. I thought to myself that it might be nice to join them, maybe not that day but any day, but I have to get straight home because the babies need to nap while DD is at preschool. Sure, I could just skip the nap and deal with two tired, screaming babies and it would be worth it because I could make a friend or two. Indifferent

I just quit my job when DD started preschool so I'm kind of lost. All of my friends work and I've left all of my co-worker friends. I'm not feeling lonely... yet... I was just hoping to spark a friendship with a mom or two at preschool. Any advice?

ElatedMom2B · October 2012

It is rough at first - DD started preschool in the winter of last year (after Christmas) and it wasn't until toward the end of the school year that I started speaking with more of the moms. I noticed that it didn't really start until I attended the school functions or a birthday party for one of the kids actually. Its not you - I think everyone is so busy to go about their day but once everyone is in a common social occasion, people tend to converse more. It will happen.

It was nice as we've already had a field trip this year for the kids - it was a "drive your own kid" field trip, so all the moms and some dads were there. It was a great way to talk with some of the moms I hadn't seen over the summer and to meet others.

As for being at home now, have you looked into joining any mom's groups? Check Meet-up.com for your area or search the web for local groups. That will really help!

GL

jlw2505 · October 2012

My advice is give it time. I found that I connected the most with the moms at birthday parties while the kids were playing/doing the party stuff and the parents (mostly the moms but some dads would come) are just standing around. My DD's both went to daycare startiung as infants (12 and 10 weeks) and after a while, I started noticing a pattern of which parents dropped off/picked up at the same time. After a while, we started with a basic hi and then when the school had events that the parents came to, we would talk and one family, I really got to know the Dad as we saw each other almost daily for the whole 6 years we were there. Their oldest was about 6 months older than my oldest and their youngest was a few months younger than my youngest. I became friends with some of the other moms of my kids friends at the birthday parties and we eventually had some play dates but it took over a year. At school, I rarely see many parents with my DD who is in PreK as their is not a set drop off/pick up time but there has already been 1 birthday party and a curriculum night so I have met parents that way and with my kindergartner, I pick up daily since DD doesn't take a bus and I have noticed that some of the parents are really friendly, some already have their clicks of people that they know. I say Hi to anyone that I make eye contact with and as I have gotten involved in PTO and other things where I am seeing the parents, we have gotten more friendly but it takes a lot of time. I know some of the parents from older DD's PreK last year which helps but non of the parents are people that I would call for a social thing that didn't involve the kids at this point. I think that part just takes a lot of time. I have met more parents through other activites such as swim class and Sunday school where I see them more often for a longer period of time and I can see doing more social things with those parents over time than the ones that I just see at drop off. I really thing the key to making friends is when you have time to hang out for a longer period of time and then you can talk so parties or other school family events. It is hard though. Try making a playdate with a friend of your DD's and meet someplace like a park or a public place or invite the friend and her mom over for a play date after school. While the kids play, you and the mom can talk and get to know each other.

rsd12 · October 2012

Honestly, just start talking! We moved at the beginning of the summer and we did know anyone... anywhere I had a chance I would give it a shot to talk to another mom. Especially with kids the same age as mine. My oldest knew more kids going into 1st grade in a brand new town than he did going into kindergarten in a town we lived in for years. While it is not something that I find easy to do, I feel like it is necessary for my well being! And so far I have made a couple of awesome friends in our new town. Also having a class list, and settting up play dates will help too.. you can get to know some moms better that way.

Stackeye210 · October 2012

I had this problem as well. My issue though is I'm really shy and it takes me a while to warm up to people. I started out by volunteering for our PPC (parent planning committee) and got to know some ladies there. This is our 3rd year at the preschool and I finally feel like I can walk up to her class and talk to all the parents waiting outside. It took me probably longer than usual. I'm always amazed to see how quickly some moms bond and start doing things together outside of the preschool. And not just kid things, but mom things. I get a bit jealous sometimes.

I know I need to be more bold about just inviting people to do things and then actually following through as well. It's rough, but keep at it. Maybe pick a parent that you think is most open and ask them a question about something just to open the dialogue.

lite-bright · October 2012

This is going to sound cheesy, but it's worked for me.

I have mommy cards -- business cards printed with my name, my kids' names, my email and cell number. (Some of the ones on Etsy are super cute.) I try to keep an eye out for the kids that DD1 seems to click with, figure out who the mom/dad is, and then strike up a conversation, hand them my contact info, and suggest that they drop me an email or call if they want to do a playdate.

Most of the parents I run into have more than one kid to keep track of, other drop-offs or pick-ups to do, and may not be inclined to drop everything to dig out their cell phone and input my number. Or try to find a napkin or paper scrap to write their info on, which has happened at class parties when the parents are making contacts with each other. The cards make it easy and fast and kind of give me an added push to put myself out there.

They're also good for when a teacher or admin needs to know how to get in touch with me, to give to DD1's therapists, or just to keep in her backpack in case she ever needs that info and can't remember my cell. I've even given them to my kids to keep in their pockets at an amusement park or somewhere there's a chance they could get lost -- they can give them to an adult who can contact me.

I've seen people here make fun of mommy cards, but I've never gotten a negative reaction IRL.

AgrippaRidesAgain · October 2012

It took time last year. I purposely let DS hang out and play after school for a little bit every day just so that I could become a familiar face to the other moms that did the same thing. DD needed to nap, but I figured an extra fifteen minutes wouldn't make or break the nap. I'm really bad about striking up conversations and doing the small talk thing, but DS is quirky and DD is cute, so they kind of led to other people coming up and talking to me. :-P

Jen&Len · October 2012

It took me a while since most of the other moms are SAHM's and I work part time and am only at drop off/pickup on Mondays and Fridays. I think a lot of them were able to bond through the PA meetings, which I was never able to attend because of DH's work schedule. But I did start making friends with a couple of the moms after we set up playdates for our kids at the recommendation of the teacher. We also started hanging around the school play area after school let out to let the kids play more while the mom's chatted.

LillyGrrl · October 2012

I found it to be a lot harder to make friends with Moms at our DD's pre-school because it's also a daycare so most moms just drop off and pick-up. I only met moms through birthday parties this year and that's only because we've been to a ton (like 6 so far since the summer, crazy).

What really helped for my younger son was becoming friends with the ladies in my area that were also on my birth month board here on TB. Now I have mom friends because of my 7 month old DS but none really for my 3.5 yr old DD. But we're getting there. The other problem I have found with my DD is that we don't live anywhere near to the part of town where DD goes to pre-school (it's close to where my DH works but not where we live).

Birthday parties are a good place to meet the moms and I am glad that some moms have parties for their kids (we don't) because it did give me a chance to chat with some of them. We're going to another party in a few weeks where I just met the mom of the little boy whose party is at a party we just attended, so at least I'll know here. LOL

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