Choose the living or the dead?

ASmallWonder · October 2012

I just read a story on Yahoo about a dad who is a private contractor in Iraq who watched his wife give birth to their twins via Skype. The story then went on to say that the guy's mother had passed away in July and he used his one trip home (due to Visa issues) to attend the funeral. I know everyone's different but I was actually surprised that he used the trip home for a funeral over using it to see his babies born. Coming home to see your DYING mother, I get.

When my grandmother died my brother was living in China and it was going to be really hard for him to get home and cost a lot of money. We all agreed that she was already gone so he opted not to come home for the funeral. What do you guys think you'd do in a situation like that?

MrsGoodkat · October 2012

Everyone reacts differently. He may feel even though he couldn't be there in person, at least he got to see the birth on Skype and he will be reunited with his babies again. With his mother, even though she had passed, he may still have felt the need to say goodbye and have some closure. I could see my husband doing the same thing - taking the last chance to "see" his mother over being there in person to see his children being born (though still getting to watch on Skype). It would kill him to have to choose but I would support him.

klondikebar · October 2012

I really don't know. I guess it's a personal choice the family would make together.

There was a set date for the funeral even though it was obviously short notice. Could he really be guaranteed to be able to take leave during the birth? He knew he could take the time off for the funeral. What if he passed on the funeral and wasn't able to leave for the birth, he would've missed both?

grr_aargh · October 2012

Having buried a parent, I try very hard not to judge how people grieve.

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