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2nd Trimester
jolenes27
member
In-laws present during labor!! Really need to vent...
jolenes27
member
Ok, so this is the thing, my husbands parents live in the Dominican Republic and are coming to NY for December to see the birth of their first grandchild. They will be staying with us, at our one bedroom apartment. Even though there's not much space for the 4 of us, we will try to arrange everything as much as we can to make them feel comfortable, as we have a pretty large living room.
What is driving me crazyyy is to think about what its gonna be like once my labor starts, of course I want to labor at home for the first hours, but just to think about them here, watching my every move and not having privacy is seriously very nerve wracking, I've been feeling really anxious about this for the last couple of weeks. So since they dont have any other place to stay, my only option was to tell my husband to let them know once my labor starts, that I want privacy and make them stay at my moms house meanwhile.
Do think its rude for me to have them go somewhere else while I labor???
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Re: In-laws present during labor!! Really need to vent...
I am a FTM also so maybe I should not have an opinion as to ladies who have been in labor before, but I do not think it is rude. I think I would want to do the same. I do not even want family at the hospital though (besides DH) until the baby is actually here. So maybe I am just a private person. I think it should be up to you how you want to handle the situation.
I don't think it's unreasonable at all. Especially if you guys are respectful about it. It's an incredibly private time. I would recommend talking to your Mom to make sure she's on board with having house guests. And then explain the plan to your In-laws. Letting them know that you appreciate they are traveling so far to show support, but that you want that time for just you and your dh. And that if they are ok with it, your mom would love to have them during that time.
I delivered DS 8 days late. 4 days after my due date DH took my phone away because people were literally blowing up my phone wanting to know when I would finally "Push that baby out!" Like I had a choice. By my 20th call that day I burst into tears and DH hid my phone.
It's hard enough to be in labor. You don't need to feel like you have an audience on top of everything else. GL!
You fill me!!! Z! My BFP Chart
I think it's fine. You're not there for their entertainment. You're delivering your child, which while beautiful and an amazing thing, is a very personal thing. I can just imagine them sitting there on the couch watching your every move and giving "advice".
As PP said, I'm also not going to let anyone come to the hospital except for H and maybe my mom.
Malcolm
I would def have plans for them once labor starts, especially in close quarters.
With DS1 I was handling everything really well with DH and I until my family showed up. They said they would stay downstairs and leave us be, but I felt like I had to engage them, I heard them talking, and they could hear me. We totally lost focus.
The first contraction they saw, my mom started yelling I needed to get to hospital or I was going to have that baby in the house!! Yikes, it was not helpful at all, ahhaha.
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
Do what makes you feel most comfortable.
My husband will be gone in the Navy when I deliver and my MIL asked if she could "Stand in" for him. I respectfully declined. If he can't be there, no one can. I just don't want people in and out, no pictures of me panting away. I just want a calm environment to deliver our little boy in. It'll just be me, doula, and nurse. And that's okay. Do what makes you happy.
I am very much in favor of women having the birth experience that they want, so I don't think you should consider anyone else's feelings on the subject except for you and dh. If you're not comfortable with it, then don't worry about it. Ask dh to explain that you guys want to labor privately, and that they will be notified with updates throughout the labor.
On a side note, you might not be in labor for very long (or may end up induced). My first labor was incredibly short and I am assuming this one will be as well. So, your fears may not end up being a problem anyway!
I agree that you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. But, I wouldn't stress over it too much. For days I was contracting, just waiting to go into full blown labor. It progressed slowly to the point where we figured it was probably time to go to the hospital. It was very low key and I never really got to the point (at home) where I would've needed privacy. Everyone's experience is so different. I would just let them know how you're feeling a head of time, but just let it go after that. I'm sure it will all work out.
To be completely honest, I'd be looking for a few days when you get home from the hospital without them there. I found those first few days of adjusting to being home with your new baby, trying to bf, etc. to be a time when I wanted much more privacy than when I was laboring early on.
This. I know my BF's parents would stress me out.
I don't think what you're asking is unreasonable at all. I wouldn't want my in-laws or probably even my own parents around when I go into labour, either!
Can they not spring for a hotel for a night or two, once you go into labour and need your privacy? It would beat dumping them on your mom. Of course, I don't know what kind of relationship they have with her, so maybe that's no big deal. Good luck, anyway!
This is a great way to put it.
The only person who was with me during labor was DH- in fact I was induced and didn't even tell my family, DH text everyone first thing the next morning to tell them that labor had started and we didn't expect any "excitement" until the afternoon. My sister had been induced the month before and our entire family (me included) sat in the waiting room the entire time. I had to be the go between because my sister didn't want anyone in the room during labor except her husband and me occasionally. I realized that in order to have the birth experience I wanted, I had to control it from the beginning. This time will probably be different since I've been through it and I know the timeline and what to expect. Plus someone will have to watch DD and I want her close by so she can be the first (aside from me and DH) to meet this LO.
Moral is- along with all other PP's, it's your experience and cater it as you like. It will more than likely be a timely process at home and at the hospital so the longer you have anyone there that you prefer not to be there, the more stressful on you it will be. GL!!
I have debated having my FI's mother in the delivery room. My mom was there for the birth of my son, and she will be there again. I am delivering at a different hospital than I did before, and I have yet to take a tour, so I'm unsure as to how many people are allowed in the delivery room. If it's just two (plus me) then FI's mom is out of the picture. If they will allow 3, I am willing to have her in the room unless I get uncomfortable, to which FI would privately and respectfully ask her to leave.
Honestly, I'm not worried about her feelings. Yes, I want to be respectful in the fact that she is excited about her first biological grandchild, but it is my body that is going through this emotional and physical train wreck, and I (or you, or anyone) should not have to bend for another. It's not their time. It is yours and your partner's time.
Also, I would lose my shiit if ANYONE stayed with me in a 1 bedroom apartment.