New to the board - toddler pushing issue
Hi all, I am brand new to the board as my son just turned 2 yesterday 
My son has been in the pushing "phase" for a few months now.. I'm starting to think its not just a phase anymore and I need some advice from anyone who has gone through this with their 2 year old. He will just walk up to kids, friends or strangers, and push them - sometimes hard sometimes not so bad. Every time he does it I tell him no and its not nice and we don't push, he will say he's sorry but then do it again. I then put him in time out for 2 minutes and reiterate that we don't push. However this just isn't working. Last night he pushed his friends about 10 times, each time we told him no and put him in time out.
Any advice would be graciously appreciated!!
TIA!
Re: New to the board - toddler pushing issue
Two questions:
Why is he doing it?
What is the consequence?
Is he doing it because he's frustrated? Because he wants to play with something they have or be in a space they are in? Is he doing it because he's bored? Is he doing it to get your attention because you're interacting with other parents and not him? Is it something else? What does your gut tell you?
You say that you tell him no (which amounts to approximately zero as a consequence for the vast majority of toddlers) and put him on a time out (which amounts to approximately zero as a consequence for some toddlers). So what is really his consequence? He pushes someone (which is fun/rewarding, or he wouldn't do it), he gets a word from you and you march him to somewhere and he has to stay there until he can get up and do it again. From his perspective, so what? Clearly, this consequence is irrelevant to him. So how do you change it?
Personally, in this situation, I would have started similarly to you, and I would give one warning. ("DS, pushing is not ok! It hurts and can be dangerous. Use words instead please.") Then one warning + consequence. (Repeat the statement above, and add "If you do that again, you will have a time out.") Then follow through. But you say he does it again. So, the time he does it after the time out, I would make sure the consequence keeps him from being able to do the behavior again (Repeat statement above, add "If you do that one more time, we will leave.") And if he does it again, leave. I know it's annoying, but giving him 10 opportunities to push his friends is silly.
I would add, if I have to escalate a consequence, I never go backwards. So, the next time you are in that situation another day, the first consequence is leaving. If it's in your own home, maybe it's removing him to another room (but for a long enough time that he really misses on being out with other people, if that is something he likes).
He really isn't pushing for any reason in particular, sometimes its because he wants a toy, and other times its completely random and he'll just walk up to a kid and push them. You bring up a good point that I never thought of before - It may be that he's trying to get my attention because I'm interacting with other parents...
This most recently happened at our home, so telling him that we would leave wouldn't have worked, but your idea of just taking him inside for a while away from the kids is good. I also didn't think of that. I think I was just so frustrated and confused I didn't know what to do. And elevating the consequence for continued pushing is something we haven't tried yet.
I really appreciate all the advice, I am definitely going to try your tips.
I would firmly grab him by both arms and say " NO. NO Pushing!" in a very stern voice while looking in the eye and sit him in time out right after he does it every single time.
It will take many times.
updated 10.03.12
thank you everyone! so far we have been consistent and always tell him no, remove him from the situation etc. I guess we just have to keep on it and eventually it will get better.